Saturday, December 27, 2008

Go For What You Know.

So, I was on the train this morning coming down from Syracuse when this young lady got on with a semi-heavy bag. Now, it was packed but didn't look completely heavy but she makes this statement, "UGH, this thing is like a million pounds." Now, SPOTTED to the right of her and one row back was a guy sitting there with his magazine ready for the train to pull off. He'd just helped this older woman and her granddaughter put their bag up in the rack; all the while, the granddaughter was staring at him with a lil schoolgirl smile (another post for another day but there are few Joe Schmo white boys that i find cute on site...none really, I don't think). So he sees her "struggling," asks if she'd like some help with her bag, to which she replied, "I'd really love some help...I've got all of Christmas in here." Great, he helps her and goes back to his seat (right across the aisle from me and my mom) and she sits right in front of us.

Now, the train attendant is coming down the aisle checking tickets and tells a person who has their bag in an empty seat, "I'm going to have to ask you to move your bag overhead because there are going to be about 300 people on this train. *RING THE ALARM* Miss Heavy Bags hears this and turns to Mr. Blue Eyes and says, "Hey do you wanna share a seat? There's probably going to be about 300 people on the train." At first he looks a bit thrown off but the words that came out of his mouth were, "You want the window or the aisle?" She goes to sit, conversation begins, and I fall asleep.

WELL, CHECKMATE Miss Heavy Bags!! As Lucky always tells me, "BB, a closed mouth does not get fed." I agree with her but I also believe that if a guy sees me, why can't he come talk to me? Yes, I have fallen, for the most part, the societal belief that men should be the ones who should approach the women. Now, I may give a little eye contact or the "bat signal" that it's okay to come over but I will bot be the approacher. If it turns out that I am, it certainly was not the original intention. I do wonder sometimes if I've missed out on a date here and there because of my quietness but overall, I don't really care. Then again, Miss Heavy Bags appears to have rocked out and made it 7am!

So, even though some have been doing this for years, I raise the question: Women approaching men - is that what's going to be hot in the '09?

By the way, my mom told me (the lil nosey bee she is - she thought it was cute that the girl pushed her way over) that they were both artists but Miss Heavy Bags was talking about her man and Mr. Blue Eyes was talking about someone he was going to meet at his stop (somewhere upstate). When they were close to his stop, she was typing on her phone and he started reciting his number when she said, "Oh I was just texting my sister" and that was that. So, there ended up not being a love connection!

Back to the question...

Women approaching men - is that what's going to be hot in the '09?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

It's Christmas!

Well, tomorrow is Christmas Day!!! I finally got into the Christmas spirit when my co-workers opened their gifts and were completely excited about them. I tend to not ask for lists instead preferring to listen intensely and remembering what they said during that time. I think that adds to the excitement of it all when someone didn't ask for something, never knew you were listening, and they LOVED the gift. I JUST sent FP's gift today and I'm sure it'll come in handy. Others will be late if I send them at all and if I don't, well HEY. That brings me to the point of this quick post.

I do believe Christmas '09 will be canceled for everyone but children and people that I REALLY see fit to give. With the new addition to my family (my nephew was born in January), he was pretty much at the top of the list but he also has a brother, a sister and a mother. My mom and I are going up to see him (my brother lives up there too for now - another story for another day) in the morning so it would be completely uncouth of us to NOT take them anything. But when I say I have dug deep in to my pockets, I am NOT playing. Laaaaaaaaawd, I have spent SO much money since Friday that it makes no sense. I cannot do this next year - unless I'm making A LOT more money and stay within the amount I spent. Woooo Chile!

Okay, that's all I wanted to say. BUT, I am still in the holiday spirit! Here are a few songs I love (the first one is from a movie that came out during the holidays but it isn't a Christmas song) and Merry Christmas:

Remember this (I had to use the movie clip b/c the other videos won't let me post here):

"Give Love":

Ohhhhhh and we will NOT forget Donny:

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Music Snob Review: Anthony Hamilton, "The Point of It All"

I had no doubt. I wasn't even worried about it not being great. Even when I said to myself, "Why the hell did he put David Banner on this song," did I have any doubt that Anthony Hamilton's new cd "The Point of it All" would have not only been worth the wait but worth my money. Yes, I've had a copy of the cd since before it was actually released but this Anthony is always worth me dropping a couple of dollars.

The cd opens with "The News," which in true Anthony fashion, discusses the hardships of today's times. I know we look for him to do love songs but I always really enjoy his socially conscious songs as well. But be clear, after "The News," it is time to make babies. Real Talk. He begins by telling a woman he loves her just the way she is on "Diamond in the Rough" but apparently it just doesn't work out the way he expects because on "Hard to Breathe," he speaks on how he loved her so deep and got caught up, that he sees her in every other woman now that they've broken up. It is one of those songs (produced by Mark Batson, whom Anthony has worked with on "Charlene" and other hits) that you hear how painful it is and makes you want to sing the pain away right along with him - like I do when I'm listening to it on REPEAT...on the train.

The title track, "The Point of It All," is very simple, but beautiful. When you hear him say, "My day seems long whenever we're apart...its like someone has stole away my heart," you KNOW he means every word of it. How? Simple. Its because ANTHONY DAMN HAMILTON says, "...and the point of it all is I LOVE YOU/The Reason for it All is I LOVE YOU." The way this man sings, you will believe everything he says and that's it.

I could really go into the reason why I love every track but I won't. Instead, let me just say that you MUST tune into "Her Heart." Anthony is telling a story of his woman (and possibly, the women in his past whilst on this musical journey) stood by him no matter how many times it hurt him to be gone or not pay as much attention to her as he once did. But he says that, HER HEART won't let him lose her. Its a beautiful song of how often times we want to do the right thing and think we are (sans cheating, lying and other mess), it still hurts the one we love but the essence of that person won't let us leave them. Mmph, mmph, mmph...tell the truth!

If you haven't noticed yet, this is a "Please RUN and BUY this cd" not bootleg it!!! Oh, and I got to have a quick convo with him at work about his music and he told me: God is Good and always working for me to do this and have people like you love it." TELL IT!

Oh, one final note that will push you to get it. The following is in the "Thank Yous" part (isn't that THE BEST part of buying the real thing) where Anthony is speaking to his wife, former background singer (maybe she still sings with them sometimes) and singer, Tarsha McMillan-Hamilton. I think it sums up a lot of the songs on "The Point of It All":

"...God gave me you because He felt I would take care of you and that I would build in you and with you for His glory. I love you woman, with all I understand and that I don't I seek. TO LOVE YOU DEEPER IS WHY I EXIST...

It's On You...So What Are You Going To Do??

First of all, let's jam real quick to the song and see if you can name five songs in the last five to 10 years that have sampled the beat (song: "Why You Treat Me So Bad" by Club Nouveau). *doing my dance*

Anyway, a topic came up on a messageboard that I read and it's funny that it did because I was just thinking about it. Why do people stay with someone that treats them BAD. No relationship is perfect - that is no secret and we're all well aware of it no matter what your relationship history has been. But when you see the signs from the JUMP, why allow yourself to stay in something and then say, "Well, you can't control who you love and I don't know how to leave." Okay girl, did you not see his asshole-ish behavior a few days in or notice that tinge of an attitude? Homeboy, did you not see that this spoiled brat of a woman was looking for a dude that she could run over? HELLOOOOOO, red flag...someone? Anyone??

Seriously, I know people say that it's "so hard out there" to meet someone but does that mean that you should lower your standards in terms of the essence of the person...just to say you're in a relationship? A few years ago, I met a guy who was seemingly real cool and down to earth. One night after he'd dropped me off from a date and had gotten back to his place (Miss BB LOVES a Harlem man), we ended up talking late into the night. This conversation ended up turning into a full blown ARGUMENT I couldn't believe that I allowed myself to go there just to date him. So we didn't speak for a few days until he called to apologize and I tried again. We dated about three more weeks until yet another argument about some BS ensued and I knew that I'd had more than enough. It just made no sense to me that I would date a dude like that just to say "we dating." I actually saw him over the summer and we went out again b/c it SEEMED like he'd grown up; by the end of the night, I realized he was still the same and we haven't spoken since that day. I may not be all gung-ho ready for a relationship but I also don't waste my time dating people that don't fit who I am.

Why settle? Despite what some of our families and friends may think, it IS okay to be single. It IS okay to know what you want and not settle for less (in this case, I will say that you should be able to give anything you ask for). Sure, you may not like the idea of being by yourself but if you are, you should learn to make the best of it. It absolutely upsets me that people who can do better and deserve better don't see it for themselves. So yes, while that asshole (male or female) you're dating is wrong for being that way to you, you are just as wrong (if not more) for allowing it.

Step Up. Expect Better. Demand Better.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

It Was All Good Just a Week Ago

The Single Life happens sometimes by choice, by circumstance or if you're like me, a little bit of both. I'll get into that for another day because it isn't the FULL purpose of today's blog (it is in a roundabout way but I digress).

I live in the hottest apartment in the far. I've always assumed that it probably was since I moved in a couple years ago but my super confirmed it last year: "Oh my GAH!! Why is so hot in heaaaa? Jessis Christ. Its not dis hot anywhere else in di building." He has a thick Puerto Rican accent so I wanted you to get the full flavor. Anyway, I went out in the snow last year to buy a fan because I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I had a plan this year after I got my air conditioners: I would leave them in during the winter and the little draft that would come in would balance out the mountains of heat that comes in the apartment (no, I cannot regulate my own heat). Well, we had the coldest day ever like a week and a half ago so I took the ACs out. Now, its BLAZING in here.

So, now I'm sick and have been all week. Because it is so hot in here, I've had to resort back to the fan and sleeping under it. I can't let the window open because I live on a noisy street and would never fall asleep. This has resulted in body aches, loss of voice, ears hurting, etc. I can't sleep without the fan and haven't put the ACs back in yet.

I hate being sick and having to take care of myself! My mom lives up the block but I will not burden her with this small thing (she's called everyday to check on me though). With the way I'm feeling, it would be nice if I had a lil friend or something come over here so that I could lay up under him and have him take care of me (I don't think I'm contagious...just a lil cold). In a perfect world, that would have happened a couple times this week. I ran out of Theraflu earlier this week and in my Target run for Christmas gifts for my nephew and his brother and sister, I forgot to get it. It would have been nice if...well, you get the picture.

Anyway, I really enjoy The Single Life overall. But this week, it has SUCKED.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

The M Word.

When I was young, I said I was going to be married by the time I was 25. Two kids before I was 30 so I could be a young mother and STILL FLY. Yessir, I was going to be DOING IT.

By the time I was 17, I wasn't even thinking about that. I was concerned with going to college, starting my career, taking OVER my industry, and doing what I needed to for ME. I figured I would have a relationship or two along the way. To this day, I'm still not pressed about marriage; I would like to be married one day but it isn't at the top of my "Things To Do" list. I believe its out of MY hands anyway and someone else will have a greater plan. I know many women who are on "both sides," some saying "I need to be married" and others like, "Mmhmmph, yeah. Well, WHATEVER."

But what about the men and where they stand on this? I never had conversations with boys when I was in high school (or college, for that matter) which ultimately resulting in them saying, "Yoooo, I'm DYING to find that woman for me and settle down and do the marriage thing." Not once. EVER. While I never assumed that they didn't ever want to be married, I just thought their main purpose in the 18-23 age range was to meet chicks and sleep with them. *shrugs* It just really seemed like their "life mission" and really, that was okay with me if they thought that way.

But getting older, what about the men who have, so they believe and maybe rightfully so, found the right woman and are ready to make it official? *cue Jagged Edge* I mean, they are so serious about it and won't hear of any other conversation unless it is about setting the date. I'm talking about the man who is *no lie* giving his woman an ULTIMATUM. On some, "We been together long enough and I'm ready to make it official....quit bullshitting." In some cases, the couples might be living together or the woman might not be ready yet (true story).

I took this very REAL scenario to my job for conversation with the guys and they were STUMPED. A man giving his girl an ultimatum about MARRIAGE? Unheard of and frankly, quite absurd according to a couple of them. I did get a response which went something like, "Well if I have to offer her a fucking ultimatum about marriage, I need to get the hell out of that relationship." It seems as though, from observation and conversation, that once a MAN is ready for marriage, he has no time or patience for all the other bullshit. They are READY and this is final. No other words to be spoken, no other need for discussion. Let's skip the "small talk" and cut right to the chase.

My opinion: When men are ready, they just are. I think that some men might be so dumbfounded that a WOMAN is not jumping at the offer to "put a ring on it," that they jump with the "Let's do it or let me move on." I think its funny, definitely, but don't know that it is wrong per se, because women do it all the time when they are ready to marry the "man of their dreams."

It sure is interesting.


Friday, December 12, 2008

Circle Gets the Square?????

Drunk Dialing. Drunk Texting. Speaking wildly thanks to the truth serum. These are things I never do. EVER. Even when I've had one too many drinks (which, admittedly, is never too often), I'm always very in control of what I say and what I do - especially if I know I've had a couple of drinks. A couple of days ago, we had our annual holiday party and the open bar had the liquids flowing. Since it was an early party, I got home at a very decent hour and decided to see what the FP was doing. He didn't answer so I went on about my evening.

The next day I sent him a text saying something to the effect of, "You should have called me back. I may have had a couple drinks in me and wanted to talk crazy to you. You missed it!" His response? "Booooooooooooooo." Aroo?? Okay, FP...if you say so! So, we spoke last night and well into our conversation about everything and nothing, I bought it up to him. He was like, "You wouldn't have said a thing. Not at all. You never do." Here I am, trying to defend my random (and not too often) acts of phone debauchery with a lame ass response of "You don't know! I come out of the blue sometimes with it." He's clearly blank staring me over the phone...and laughing at me too (or so I believe).

I left it alone for awhile but it got me to thinking: Does the FP think I'm some kind of lame when it comes to...intimate matters? There have been times when we may have discussed GENERAL sexual topics but I haven't tapped too much into stuff about me. Why? I don't know for sure. It could be that at one point (not anymore AT ALL), I was a little intimidated by him and was hesitant to "share." Now, its one of those topics that just doesn't come up often - we seem to steer clear of sexual topics for the most part (or I do). But does this give the FP the impression that I'm some kind of SQUARE? While it would be an incorrect assumption, I can't help but think about it.

Growing up (and I've fast forwarded to my teenage years and for this post, high school is the "growing up" years), I wasn't into boys that much. It was all about getting the hell out of high school so I could go away to college. Suffice it to say, I started a bit later than all the girls I knew. While I had much share of fun, I've never been that "fly off at the mouth" kind of woman who has something sexually fresh to say randomly and most definitely NOT to a guy I really like. I flirt a lot but its never raunchy or anything. There's a big part of me that is kind of conservative in that respect. There's no fear of what will happen if I do say something off the wall but it has never been part of my persona. I do, however, give props the women who (which respect and some kind of dignity or couth) can do that - especially to a brother they're digging.

Anyway, I know that I can't make a change overnight into a "Talk yo shit" sexual butterfly (and not to toot too or beep beep my own horn but we are ONLY talking about VERBAL convo here - not the act. LOL!!!), I'm wondering if I should say little slick things here. But I don't know if that would work because (1) I'm not trying to put that kind of dumb ass pressure on myself and (2) maybe its a good idea to let him continue thinking that way. I was talking to a friend of mine last week about it and when I mentioned my thoughts of being a "square," she told me that was the wrong word and I come across more wholesome than anything - even in person. If that's the case, I can absolutely live with that. I don't mind if people think I'm this goody goody who can't get down with the get down when she need to! So, maybe it IS alright...but just to be "wholesome looking." Yes we're just friends and yes, its all platonic but I don't want him to think I'm a square - that's a turn off. No, not him.

Then again, what if these assumptions are all wrong? What if the tone I though I heard when he said, "...Not at all. You never do," wasn't really a tone at all?

I could really just be buggin...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Trading Places...Oh Yeah?

First, I do apologize for the neglect! Not only have I been super busy at work and tired as hell when I'm not there...I just haven't had anything to say. But I digress and get to the point.

I was just watching Usher's video for "Trading Places" and singing my heart out as per usual - hitting the high note when he gets to the bridge - and I started thinking, "Oh really Usher??" First, I'm going to assume that he and the lady he's singing to have been together for some time but for the purpose of this here post, we're going to assume they haven't been together for long and this might even be their first date.

Let's discuss etiquette, shall we? While I'm the first to admit that I have never asked a guy out on a first date and don't anticipate doing so despite saying that I would, I find it to be kind of interesting and quite frankly, very bold of women who ask men out on first dates. GOOD FOR YOU!! I'm not knocking it at all because they have the balls to do something I don't...I'm too shy when it comes to men. Personally, I don't deal well with rejection and would be forced to retreat into my hole if he said no.

But anyway, about this "Trading Places" thing. Okay, so I ask you out on the date and say I gotta come ring the doorbell which is FINE...but I have to WAIT ON YOU? Pause. Fool, I'm a very timely person and if you cannot be ready by the time I get there, I'm going to be pissed. I mean ILL, why the hell can't you be ready when I get there? You're not putting on mkae-up or doing your hair!

So we're leaving for our date...I have to open your CAR DOOR. What the hell? What kind of chivalry were YOU (by the way, "you" is actually the guy being talked about on the date or use Usher if you need a visual) taught. I am NOT opening your damn door - you still need to be opening my door and I can still reach over and open yours. Miss me with it. So let me state that while I do believe that whoever asks the person out on the date is SUPPOSED to be the one who pays, I've never known a man who hasn't paid for a woman...even if she asks him out. So, while you wouldn't be crossed of "the list," I woud most certainly be like, "Is this a test or something? Whyyyyyyyy amI paying for him? I don't care that this is a first date."

What kind of man is this Usher is talking about? I'm thoroughly confused and while I know he says that "You been me...I been you. we gon swtich...this thang back...," I don't like it. NOt one bit. This man sounds either a bit "soft" or like a man who is used to being catered to by some woman or women. I don't have the time off day for it. In a sense, I suppose I'm old fashioned or traditional but I feel some kind of way about the first date. I just don't believe the woman should pay - even if she did ask the man. Oh well and oh well! I mean, I just think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Now, if we've been dating for a little while (no, that does not read "if we've been dating a year," lol), I have absolutely no problem AT ALL with paying for a date. I mean, that's just what's cool for me. Further, I have no problem telling him in a movie how bad I wanna "do him" or "getting on top." I mean, we gotta have some fun, don't we? *wink* That's beauty of dating someone for some time. We get to do things for EACH OTHER...because we want to.

But, the first date and in the very beginning? AB-SO-LUTE-LY NOT. Sue me. Oh well and oh well!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Lights. Camera. Action!

I received the email: "Can you host a show for me? Its for a new project." My response? Sure. I don't like being in front of a camera at all but it was for my FAMOUS CHEERLEADER so why say no?? The original thought was that I was going to be interviewing some comedians. Not exactly up my alley but I like to laugh so this should be fine. The next email said that plans had changed and I was now going to be interviewing some fellow bloggers and discussing pop culture and new media. WERD???? Aight then...this might work after all. So the scene was set: Tuesday night, at the studio. Oh and DON'T BE LATE.

So the stage handlers and lighting directors and such are getting our stage together and making sure we have the right light. Finally, myself and my other blogettes (Janelle, Shana, and Eb the Celeb) were ready to be mic'ed! Okay, this is getting serious for us because I don't think any of us have been the star of a show. The floor manager cued me up and it was time to GO!!

All, I can say is WOW. From the start to the finish, we chatted like old girlfriends who were just sitting around with some cocktails! I was a GREAT "lead" if I do say so myself and my blogettes were equally FABULOUS. I don't know what to tell you: WE WERE ON POINT!! Oh and it was so much fun!

OPRAH, hurry us and catch us before somebody else does. We're HAWT, baby!!!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Got a Who? Gotta Get a WHAAAAAT??

The last time I want a real "tough, straight HOOD dude" or "ruffneck," I was probably 17. Back then, these Brooklyn dudes had that swagger (I don't think I was using that word then - probably just said "style") that ALL the girls loves...young and old. They were the hang on the corner type dudes that were there no matter what time you passed by. The ones that screamed "Yo Shorty" or did the "psst psst psst" when they saw a girl they wanted to holla at.

But they were, a lot of times, also the ones who sold weed (or worse) on that same corner. They were the ones, even if they were just teenagers, also getting locked up at a retarded rate. Hell, they were the reason why the neighborhood wasn't as safe as it could be. They'd rather just hang on the block rather than go to school or get a real job - trying to have that fast money. Without hesitation, I can say that even though I never dated any of these guys (and I was a LATE bloomer so I never had sex with any of them), the idea of what they represented was a major plus for me.

But, it wasn't long after I got to college that I realized that those guys really weren't for me. As I grew older, I realized that the guy I needed was a nice who "was no punk." That kind of guy suited me well and I met many as I went through my college years and beyond. I mean, that one thing about the men I am attracted to has not changed since I was about 18.

So, the discussion came up at work about men who've been to prison and "Chief" asked me if I would ever date a dude who's been to prison. My answer, without hesitation, was "Absolutely Not." He went on to ask why and how come I won't "give a brother a chance" just because he was down on his luck. He also said that its harder for a black man to avoid that kind of situation. I told him that I wouldn't date a man who's been to prison because there's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with that, not to mention it will be tremendously harder to get a job. Chief and another co-worker looked at me and my co-worker who was in agreement like we were crazy. He said that we were "tough." I mean really though, I've never been to prison and so I don't want a man who has been there either. Sorry but even if you were a man like Charles S. Dutton who has maintained a wildly successful career after spending nearly 10 years in prison for killing a man in a street fight, I still wouldn't date you. Call it what you want but I call it my right to choose.

So, I wonder what makes a woman, a GROWN ASS WOMAN, want to date a ruffneck? If you got your shit together and not living a boring life at the same time, why the hell do you want a drug dealer or something along those lines? I mean, do people ever grow out of that "I want a thug phase?" Seriously. I'm really confused as I think about this so a little help would be appreciated.

Oh, if you think this post is judgmental...that's fine. I don't make apologies for certain thoughts I have. Oh well and oh well!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Keep it Tight...or Let it Go???

I'm sure I've mentioned in the past that I haven't had much relationship experience. Over the past few months, I've been listening and observing friends' relationship and trying to put myself in them. You know, just to see how EYE would feel about them.

Lucky is phenomenal. I mean, all jokes aside, besides being a good friend, she is a great girlfriend and an amazing support system to her boyfriend and his children. Sidenote: Lucky was informed before I started the blog that there would be times that I would mention things that go on in my friends' lives. I will not, however, go into any full details - that might be a friendship violation and Lucky don't play. She went from 0 to 60, in my opinion, in terms of dealing with relationship and life issues in a matter of seconds and has taken it all in stride. She's dealt with family issues and the ever present baby mama issue - things that while they HAVE shaken and tested her will, they are not things that have made her say, "I'm out." I fuss at her all the time because while she is GREAT to her boyfriend and the kids, she is not as good to herself. I get mad at her but I know I better just get over it because she won't change.

Ace is strong. She always has been in the near 10 years that I've known her. She rides HARDER than a ride or die chick in terms of relationships and friendships. But you won't cross her and just get it away with it. EVER. As I've said before, she moved to Houston a couple of years ago and has been in a serious relationship the entire time. That relationship has failed and it has not been good. The person that I know is currently missing due to a lot of hardships in the relationship. She speaks of the strong person she is but deep down, I know it is hard to be that person when you have things so serious going on in your life that you don't know if you're coming or going. She only wants a select group of people to know, which scares me but I respect her wishes as I can or think I should. I love her and I'm also very scared for her. Ace told me a couple weeks ago that she had reservations about this relationship going into it but went for it anyway. That angers me too because I was very vocal in terms of being against the relationship as well but knew well enough to know that I should leave it alone. For two YEARS she...nevermind, it doesn't need repeating. I just know that she tried to make the best of her relationship.

So, to bring me to my question: If I were in a relationship, what could be my breaking point? Lucky doesn't, IMO, have to worry about any cheating issues and I don't know that Ace had to either. Their trials and tribulations are a little more deep than that to me. I don't believe in running from things that are hard but I must say that when I put myself in their shoes, I'm like "Shit, I gotta bounce." In Ace's case, I know what I would have done from the jump but I put her in it because I believe that she was hoping (and praying) that she had finally found someone who could be a really great companion to her.

Where would I draw the line? Do I say, "Fuck it I gotta do what's best for me" or do I say, "Let me ride this out because it gets greater later." I don't know and while I hope I never have to ask these kind of questions of a future relationship (that is the optimistic Miss BB speaking), I know that there is a very honest portion of a relationship where that might have to happen.

I don't know...just questions and thoughts.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Barack & Michelle Project

Hey guys! I know it's been a week but there's been a lot going on and none of it blog worthy. There's just really been nothing for me to talk about - not even old stuff.

BUT, CONGRATS CONGRATS CONGRATS to our new First Family, the Obamas!! I'm so happy that change is going to come...and that a black family is going to do it. Mark my words we will be ready to vote for President Obama again in 2012. Those who solely voted for him because he's black will then be voting for him because he can do it - not just because he's black. Do it then!

The point of this post is about Barack and Michelle. When I first became aware of Barack Obama a few years ago, I instantly liked him. I knew he was married but because he wasn't on "that level" yet, I didn't know about Michelle. Ever since his race to the White House began, we've obviously gotten a much closer look into the family. This is where we meet President Obama's best friend and ROCK of the family -the Mighty Michelle. I loved her from the moment I heard her speak. It was as though I instantly saw WHY they "clicked."

For everything they appear to be, I love them together. Michelle has said they disagree like any other couple but because there's respect, love and a friendship between them, they know how to work things out and get back to the love. Now, there are some naysayers who say, "Hmmph, you don't know how they are behind the scenes. This could all be a show for all we know." Perhaps. I'm certainly not naive enough to believe that Barack and Michelle Obama are perfection. That's a ridiculous notion to me. But why would I choose to believe that the chemistry we see between them is an act?

Black men and women always talk about how we can't find this or that in the other. No matter what Barack and Michelle needed from each other, we all yearn for that "look." That look that Michelle gives Barack that says, "Don't worry about it...I got it. You lead the country and I got your back. When you feel like that monkey is hard on your back, don't got these arms at home waiting on you. The look that Barack gives Michelle that says, "Thank you. And when those charities or grant writers for whatever dumb reason don't want to fund you, come lay your head on my shoulder. We'll sit still and then we'll figure it out." THAT is the look we yearn for because its a look of LOVE. A look of devotion. A look of respect. There's absolutely some eye rolling sometimes (who doesn't?) and some "Yeah Michelle. Mmmhmm...ok" going on, but it seems to go back to the love.

So tell me again, why would I choose to think that when the cameras are off so does the chemistry and love? I'll wait for the answer. In the meantime, let's look at my favorite picture:

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Okay, let me put it out there:

I haven't been doing a DAMN thing lately except working! Seriously, life has been pretty slow for me for the last couple of months or so. There have been no parties for social purposes, no afterwork events for networking purposes and no "ouuuuuuweeee" soirees for cutie alert purposes. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero.

What's the problem? I don't know exactly. Not only do I WANT to go out, but I NEED to go out for the serious networking purposes. I've been working a lot and that has made me very tired after the work day is done. VERY tired. There are days now that I can barely go five minutes without yawning. This hustle is SERIOUS. I'm so sincurr.

I went to this NJ Nets event last night with my friend Ladybug and while there weren't too many people there, we had a nice little time. It made me understand fully that I have to get out more. Ladybug is also a GREAT networker and I love going out with her because she inspires me to work on my networking skills.

Anyway, I say all this to say: I must do better. For real. I know it's starting to get cold and all but the cold air has never stopped Miss BB from a party (really only really bad rain and/or snow keeps me away).

So, keep ya girl in the loop on any industry events for networking/semi-social purposes (most know I'm in entertainment so I'm looking for entertainment and sports) and regular ole parties that you think are going to be good.

Good lookin' out!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

For the Record...

I'm back in town!! Homecoming '08 was a complete success and such a good time. I got to see so many people that I miss terribly, including one of my best friends and my goddaughter. We hung up out with my fam on Friday night and as usual, they put on a good party. I swear, when you can't beat that Jackson music, you may as well join them. There was monkey swinging (I think), walking like a dog, and all kinds of other foolishness.

No, there are no stories to tell and no I was not being fresh AT ALL. I did get many, many compliments on the thickness and many requests for a homecoming rendezvous. I turned them down although a couple made me raise an eyebrow like, "REALLY??? As cute as you were in college and weren't checking for me sad you were so dumb." LOL!!! But, it was great!

YES, we won our game in a thrilling end (I was scared for a minute though)!!

No place like home...coming. JSU style, of course!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Homecoming '08!!!!!

Who want it with "The Boom????"

Yeah, I'm headed down to the 'Sip (aka Mississippi for everyone who doesn't know...I guess that'll be everyone who reads this, lol...'cept N.O) for Homecoming '08! Jackson State University, Mississippi's Urban University and Home of the Sonic Boom of the South, is where I rested my head for four years of college. Thee I love my dear old College Home!

I'll be on a flight down to the crooked letter state in about 12 hours and I cannot wait. There is something about going back down there to see people you may not have seen in years. Hell, there's something about seeing people at HOMECOMING that you may have just seen six months ago. As much as I didn't appreciate my time there WHILE I was there, you'd have to pay me not to gush about my school and my "family." I met people while I was there on the first day that are still apart of my life. Far Rock went there. Two of my best friends that I mentioned a couple months ago are my line sisters from when I pledged there. I have family upon family (none blood related but my fam nonetheless) there and I miss them terribly.'

I have the awful dilemma of how to split my time between my frat/sorors and my other crews. Truth be told, I miss THEE party to be at because I was hangin' with my Blue & White family at the gala. I'm taking my gala outfit for the 2nd annual soiree but I don't know if I'll actually make it. My brother already hit me up talking about, "Am I going to see you this weekend" and I do not want to disappoint.

Whatever, I'll figure it out. I won't be at work but for all intents and purposes, this is NOT a vacation! But maybe I'll come back with some stories to tell!

Jackson Fair, Jackson Dear!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Music Snob Review

No, "Good Morning" to YOU, John Legend! And, let me say "thank you." Thank you for pretty much going back to the old voice that you supposedly "lost" and caused you to give us that Frank Sinatra sound on the second album. Thank You for giving me the feeling I felt when I heard "Get Lifted." Good Morning to You!

So let's get into this. The album starts with a "Good Morning" interlude and jumps right into "Green Light." That song, as we all know, is a straight "shake somethin" track and sort of sets the tune for the album. From "It's Over" which features 'Ye (you KNOW he's on this album so don't even start asking "Why does he always have to be on somebody song?) to "whine ya body" track "No Other Love" with Estelle, John gives us quite a few mid to uptempo this time around. I was shaking my head with quite a few "Go 'head then, John" statements throughout the album.

Not to be outdone, you KNOW he made some slow, sweet songs for us to get all Carl Thomasy (read: Emotional) over. "This Time" kicks it off by telling the story many of us know all too well: This time I want It All/Showing You all of the Cards/Giving You all My heart/This time I'll take the Chance/This Time I'll be your Man/I can Be All You Need/This time Its All of Me. We've heard it all before but John makes it sound SO sincere this time. Now, I don't know if "Good Morning" is something he's telling the lady before or after he tells her the lyrics in "This Time" but I love it all the same. The song is very laid back and you can very easily have this playing as "mood music" and the rest will be all up to your and your lady/gentleman friend. Then finally, even in his "We Are the World Moment"on "If You're Out There," he is right on the money.

Now, there ARE a couple of "misses" for me. I could really do without "Satisfaction." There just really is nothing about the beat that I like and it sounds like John is trying to act like he has some mean swag" in the song. I dunno...I just think we could have had a replacement. Also, while I completely ADORE the lyrics on "I Love, You Love," I really don't like how he sings the song. The background vocals are pretty good though.

Let's end this on a good note because I REALLY enjoy this album. The filler songs (check out "Quickly" with Brandy, "Take me Away," and "Everybody Knows") fit in very well and are pretty hot. The "hush hush" songs (aka the bonus tracks) are cool and I actually like the Teddy Riley remix of "It's Over" better than the original version. I think my favorite tracks right now are...nah, I'm not going to even do it. I really like SO MANY SONGS on this album that I can't pick one.

Pick it up in stores Tuesday, October 28th!!!! It DEFINITELY gets the Music Snob Stamp of Approval (just envision it because I don't have an actual one right now).

Friday, October 17, 2008

My Queens Connection

*WARNING* I've previewed the post and its long. I guarantee this is a good read but if you don't have time, stop now. Don't say I didn't warn you...

I met Far Rock when I was 18 and a freshman in college. I'd seen him walking around the campus before and thought he was from NY (we went to school in Mississippi) but didn't know for sure until we officially met. He worked in Admissions and saw my name and home address so he sent a letter to my house in Brooklyn which my mom read to me. The first time we spoke was over the phone and for three hours. We finally met up at our campus' pool hall and as soon as I met him, I "knew." I was quite the late bloomer and didn't involve myself in boys in high school so it was not hard to tell that Far Rock would be my first...everything. I'd kissed a boy when I was 14 but I was GROWN now and kissing is quite different in college.

We were friends. As part of the "NY Crew" which consisted of only like six people, including me who was the only girl and the only one from Brooklyn, we were all very cool. Far Rock and the NY Crew were also part of a bigger "clique," that included my brother (we're not blood but we've been claiming each other for 10 years so people believe us) and my cousin (same thing as my brother), who DJed around the city and were VERY popular. I'm rambling...let's get back on track.

Far Rock and I would talk for HOURS about everything and though we would get "fresh" on the phone (he's Haitian and would get really beside himself in Creole), I loved that he was my friend more than anything. I didn't know when but I knew that being a virgin for much longer was NOT going to be in my cards. When we came home for Christmas, he came to my house to see me a few times and we'd get to whatever base that is that consists of kissing and heavy petting (what a slowpoke I was...that's probably first base). It was VERY cool. Once break was over, my mother got me on the pill because she's no dummy and knew what was bound to happen. Three weeks later, it did. I didn't know any better at the time so I thought that having sex with someone now changed the nature of your "Friendship." I asked him "what this meant" and he told me that we were still friends. First lesson learned.

I would learn so much from him over time. The weeks following our "encounter," he wouldn't call as much and my feelings would be hurt. Mama BB told me that I was wasting too much time on him and if I had a problem with the way he treated me, I would need to speak up. I did but not much changed so our friendship suffered within about a month or two. We pretty much stopped speaking until August when we tried to be friends again. But it wouldn't get easier. As fate would have it, I was roommates with the girl he was dating at the time and would be come his girlfriend the same year and later his fiancee (they didn't marry). Yeah, tough times indeed. Because of the situation, we never really became friends again.

Senior year was when we started to get "back to the middle." My parents were divorcing and not only had he met them, he'd heard me talk about how I wished that would have happened years ago. He was around to listen and if he wanted to talk about anything, I was there as well. He was still with his girlfriend at the time but we were cool and we spoke for awhile after graduation. Convos started to be more infrequent since he was engaged at that point. No hard feelings here though because I was happy for him. Plus, we always made the joke that we'd probably always fall back into our "comfortable" state (minus sex) unless one of us got married. LOL!! So, we stopped speaking for awhile.

A couple years later, he sent me an IM on Yahoo and since he didn't get married and they'd broken up, we were comfortable again. He spent a few years after graduation in MS but had recently come back home to NY for a "change." Neither of us were working at the time and since Far Rock is a workout buff, he was actually my trainer for a few months. It reminded me of old EVERY way. Alas, it would come to an end because soon after we started training, I got a job at my current company.

We'd still talk and all was still good. I always looked out for him if I could and I loved the friendship that we'd grown to have. A few months later, however, I noticed that we were regressing. Like many who met me when I was 18, Far Rock still saw me as that girl and not the then 25 year old woman I'd become. I didn't always feel like he respected me and that was a problem. In my mind, that was never going to change so on Mother's Day 2006, I ended our "relationship." To me, my feelings being as hurt as they were came close to a heartbreak. I loved Far Rock as a friend for eight years and didn't see how we could not be friends anymore. Still, it was what was necessary for me to take care of myself. He'd taught me alot about men and whether or not he knows it, Far Rock has taught me just about everything I need to know about bullshit when it comes to guys. I know everything I do because of him and some of his ways. I even loved him for that. During the breakup, I told him I loved him and didn't want to do it this way but I had to. He responded that there's no way I could if I was going to end the friendship. He told me if I really felt that way then there was nothing else he could do, told me to tell my mom happy mother's day for him and told me to "be good." WHAT?! You're not going to fight for this friendship that was so special to ME???? In that moment, I believed that the only one who thought we had a real friendship was me.

We've seen each other over the last two years at parties and I've always been cordial because despite the "breakup," I've never hated him. Also, I was no longer mad so why act like it? A couple of months ago, he sent me a message and told me that although we don't speak he thinks of me often and considers me a friend. Further, he said I've remained the same person at heart and he admired me for that. Could it be? Was Far Rock having a "near 30" breakthrough and saw that he lost a true friend? No matter the reason, I responded and told him that we could definitely work on becoming friends again. I saw a new person - a person who saw me as a now 28 year old woman and I appreciated that.

But, Far Rock might think he's going to get comfortable again. He told me last week that maybe during homecoming (next week...let's go Tigers!!), I could come "hook up with him." Have I been punked? I thought that we were just trying to be friends again. I ended the friendship for a reason two years ago and am not willing to go back down the road of plain ole familiarity. Am I thinking too much? Should I just allow him to be my ESIG? Though we've had a 10 year roller coaster ride, I've learned to take away the emotion. But still, those are some long ties and I don't think or know that is necessary.

In any case, I'll keep you posted. Sorry for being so long but this has been on my mind. I'll have some real light hearted stuff later.

Goodness...this Queens Connection.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Sooooooo, I got hit with the "infamous tag." I don't know WHY Janelle had to pick me when she KNOWS I'm new to this. Hell, I'm not going to even be able to follow all the rules. But, here we go:

  1. Link back to the person who tagged you (CHECK!)

  2. Mention the rules on your blog (CHECK!)

  3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours (I'm getting to it...see below!)

  4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking to them (I can't...don't even KNOW six bloggers!)

  5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers blogs letting them know they've been tagged (See #4)

  6. You can now display this charming dalek image i created when tagged! (Will do in a minute!)
Umm, well...alright. I'm going to just do what I can:
  • Before I go to bed, I have to flip through every channel on my cable to make sure I don't miss anything.
  • I mix ketchup and tartar sauce when I eat any fried seafood as my "cocktail sauce."
  • I've never been in a fight in my life (I'm a Brooklyn girl so this IS quirky).
  • I never saw the play "Cats" because I was always scared of how the cats looked in the commercials. Even when my mom wanted to take me when I became an adult, I passed. Funny thing is, I sat at the end of the row when I saw "The Lion King" and was scared of the "animals" that came down the aisle.
  • Everyday when I come home, I change from my "good" glasses into my "play" glasses. If you don't know what I mean, its very similar from changing from your school clothes into your play clothes.
  • I can't cook everyday food but I PUT ON for some holiday food. No for real, I make real good holiday meals, minus the meat b/c I'm not touching turkeys and stuff.

Welp, I'm done and have no one to tag but I did it! Oh, almost forgot...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Ask About Me!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned how long I've procrastinated in getting my career going. Oh wait, I think I did it in a past post.

Anyway, I bring that up now because there may be times between Monday and Wednesday that I do not post. I may have a lot to say but the reality is that I'm so tired these days that I might not be able to keep my brain on focus long enough to get out a full thought. I've been wanting to be on the radio since I was about 13, with only a couple of career alternatives (record label exec and entertainment lawyer...all still dealing with entertainment and music) in between. So, the fact that I'm 28 and so far behind boggles my mind.

Not anymore! Since last week, I've been coming to the station overnights two nights a week in order to learn more about running boards, doing breaks, etc. My goal is to make sure I'm kind of comfortable understanding how the jock works so I can do my own aircheck, let the PD and APD/MD listen to it and give me some constructive criticism so I can send it out. On those two days, I get like three hours of sleep in the early evening, get up to eat and pick out my clothes for the next day and leave for work at like 11:15 to be there at midnight. I work until 5am, come back to my desk to sleep for a couple hours, and then do my regular days' work. I'm BEAT as I type. I mean, I am sooooo sleepy right now that I'm only blogging at work because I'm trying to keep my eyes open.

Oh, on top of that, I'm still trying to get my write on. In case you didn't know, I'm one of the writers for The Career Magazine which is an online HR magazine (check it out:, where I give an "introspective" or "inspirational" point of view on careers. I'm looking for other opportunities to build up my writing portfolio as well. SO, with that in mind, if you see something...say something (shouts to the MTA for that one).

Last but not least, my friend Ladybug and I are possibly starting something else that I don't want to mention yet. Our schedules are crazy but when we commit to something, we blow it out the water!

I'm hustling...on a grind! I'm trying to hard not to let ME get in my own way. If I had the money to get down to ATL this weekend for the taping of the BET Hip-Hop Awards, I'd be there for the networking. Okay okay, I'd be there to party too but let's not lose focus of this post! LOL!!

I'm trying to put myself in a position where failure *as I see it* is NOT an option. As FP once told ME, "Better get on my train before I pass you by."

Yeah yeah yeah...I hear you, man!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

It could be the Okie Doke...Let's Hope Not!

So, I know I haven't said much about him since the first time I mentioned him but I wanted to say that FP and I are as cool as always. I've done a very good job of readjusting (NOT, let's be clear, getting rid ANY means) my feelings for him and I'm proud of myself. I actually think this is better for me because now, we can keep developing this friendship that I want to, no matter what, hold on to for as long as we can have it.

ANYWAY, he's supposed to be coming up here. Excited much? Simmer down! He's not SUPPOSED to be coming up here until February 2009. See, last year I decided close to the last minute that I wanted to see the Knicks (my FAVORITE team, no disses in the comments section please) and the Celtics play so that I could root for my team AND root for my baby, KG, at the same time. FP was supposed to come but since they only had nosebleed seats, I changed my mind and vowed to go next season.

I missed the pre-sale and so even though I don't have the seats I want, I got another pair of decent seats (according to Lucky, she's a ticketnista...worse than me!) and soooooo, FP said he's going to come. I've decided that, despite how I want to react, I will not get overly pumped up about this impending visit because...what if he doesn't show up? I'm excited that he MIGHT be coming up here (someone tell him to buy a ticket sooner rather than later) because I haven't seen him in almost a year at this point. Plus, I'll get to see an NBA game for the first time in like 20 years with someone whose real cool peeps.

Now, I will not be set up for the okie doke because I'm "too cool" for that. LOL!! Well, I can't let it show anyway. Once I see him at the baggage claim, THEN I'll officially be excited. If he doesn't come, he'll owe me the price of that Knicks ticket (it'll be my treat if he does come). WE SHALL SEE!!

Oh and by the way, I've been told by one of my good friends that if I let him go without having had "crown royal on ice" an attempt of the aforementioned statement, she won't speak to me for about a month. Ain't that something!!!??!?!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Good Girl Gone Bad? Oh Yeah??

I've been known to be a "good girl." When I ask why they say this, its because, "You just LOOK real innocent" or "You seem too...classy to be anything else." Well, alright. I'm not perfect and I know I've done a couple of things that don't make me happy, but otherwise, I do alright in my journey to "the gates." Either way, I'll take that "good girl" appearance thing. I like to think I was raised right and with some morals that kind of seep through my body. Therefore, when I've done wrong and do wrong, or what EYE consider to be "wrong," it eats at me.

A situation keeps presenting itself to me maybe every two months or so. From here on out the situation will be know as such (situation) or "it." It first came up back in like early June and I, by admission, have played into it...A LITTLE and there. The situation can be fun - actually, more exciting than anything - seeing as though I first became aware of my thoughts in terms of it way before it became aware of me. I push myself to very close to the edge of the situation without actually going completely overboard. Why? Well, because there's another portion of the situation that I'm not too clear about and unless it BECOMES clear and to my liking, I just play only so far. Hell, even that's wrong but I call myself not doing anything bad because I only speak at/of/to (obviously I don't want to say it all so you choose the word you want so it makes sense to you) the situation. It may be fun but its risque(I have NO IDEA how to put an accent over a letter using this damn keyboard) and its NOT right based on the non-clarification of the other portion. Get it? Got it? Good. If not, DAAAAAAAMN...keep up and study reading between the lines for goodness sake.

I'd like to act on the situation. SERIOUSLY. But this business of regretting my actions and feeling bad really fucks with me. I was talking with my "board fam" about it a little and while some are like "You sure you'd feel bad? How do you know," others were like (primarily Lucky), "I feel you...I get." Lucky DOES understand because we agree on A LOT of life things. But it sucks, a little bit, to always WANT to do the right thing. I don't have to do the right thing...I jsut WANT to. It's so much easier to just "do what you want" and "live a little" and hell, it sounds good. But dammit if it ain't HARD AS HELL to live your life somewhat right!! Now hell, everybody is doing SOMETHING wrong in life but I do not want to do something that, contrary to "popular belief," is obviously not right. So, I tried to put a clamp on the situation without completely ridding of it due to other VERY important reasons. We'll see how that works.

When am I going to be able to do something CRAZY...and NOT feel bad? Real Talk...I need to KNOW. I want to knwo when I'm going to do something and be like, "OH WELL OH WELL. Yeah DID that shit." LOL!! When all you know is RIGHT, can you ever JUST throw caution to the wind??

Should you even want to? Would I ever want to? Is it ever even worth the bigger scheme of things?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Ya'll aren't even MISSING ME!!!

Hola party people!

I just wanted to stick my head in real quick. I've been around but where have YOU been? I don't think I've gotten any comments all week! *cue the violins*

LOL!! Work has been really hectic and as per usual, I'm trying to learn something new. I had a topic ready to be blogged about but I'm sleepy as HELL and now I can't remember what I was going to say. DAMN! Anyway,..

OH SHOOT, it just came back to me!!

But, I'll save it for tomorrow when I catch a break. I might even have TWO posts for you.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I'm Going to Need a Second Wind

My brother moved to Syracuse back in January to be with his then pregnant girlfriend and he came back to Brooklyn for the first time last week. My nephew, whom I last saw when he was three months old when my mom and I went up to Syracuse for a visit, came down with him and he's now a whopping eight months old. They stayed with my mom and since I live only down the block, I went up a few times for a visit.

After he finally got used to me, this boy ran me RAGGED!!! My mom, being the excited grandma she is, went and bought a walker...among other things. He LOVES his walker and it showed. we ran up and down the hall, I pushed him through my legs and just all over the place. When he wasn't in the walker, I was trying to increase his motor skills (he had a few problems when he was born but he's fine now. I'm just like "Mommie Dearest" and I think he can do more), helping him crawl (okay yes, I was trying to encourage him to walk), and I was trying to teach him how to nod "yes" because he is quite well-versed in how to shake his head "no."

He's on a late night schedule where he goes to bed with my brother around 1am and wakes up at 11a for the day. Why this type of schedule? I don't know and I don't like it but I'm not the parent here. Anyway, by the time I would get to see him around 7p he was BEAT but this is THE nosiest baby I've met. He'd be up at 9:30 and I would be saying my goodbyes because, quite frankly, he was making me tired. I couldn't even really hang.

Now, I LOVE kids and by kids, I mean those under 18. Even those hard-headed, knucklehead teenagers that irk all our spirits so much. When I see the babies and the younger kids, I usually have a ball with them and have a running joke where I say, "I'ma get me one!!" Of course, I'm not "there" yet but I do hope to "get me one." Mama Brooklyn Blue (read: my mother), I think, is ready because when I used to make that statement she would give me the side eye and say "mmhhmm...okay." I said it like a month or so ago and she said, "OKAY!!" all excited and stuff. No Ma'am!! Lest I forget that she asked me if I'd ever have a baby by someone we all know (figure it out...I'm not saying because I'm releasing this blog address to a few more people soon). *shock* What ever Mama Brooklyn Blue - I'm still trying to wrap my mind around keeping up with a nephew I don't even see often (they left Friday).

What am I going to do if/when I'm blessed to have my own children? I have to work a full-time job and then come home and work the second job?? I don't think I'm ready!!!

Godspeed to all the good parents, guardians, step parents, helpers of parents, teachers....whoever and WHEREVER!!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We All Have ONE...right??

So, I was having impromptu co-worker conversation a couple days ago and my blog about ESIG was the original topic. Chief (that's what we'll call him) was telling me that he thinks that he thinks all women have that ESIG and possibly MORE than one all the time! *shock and outrage* How dare he think such a thing about us angelic women and I vehemently denied such an accusation! I actually do disagree with him on that point because...well, look at my past posts. LOL! Anyway, this pushed off into another topic.

Chief said that he thinks all women DO have that one guy that is like a "constant" in our lives. He could possibly be our EDIG. He could be the guy we just talk to on the phone. The constant may be a guy we have the deepest admiration for...and he doesn't even know. Lastly, the constant could even be the person who, despite us not even speaking to them now and maybe not even in awhile, still hovers in our thoughts -be it at the forefront or in the back of our minds. You know the one I'm talking about...don't play. The one that MAKES. YOU. WEAK. Okay, we clear now? Thought so. Anyway, I thought about it for a second and while I initially disagreed for no reason at all, I quickly changed my tune. Personally, I think he has a point. Two of the three other women in my apartment agreed as well but the third one didn't. I'm still not sure why but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But I turned the question around to him and was like, "Men have one too though, right?" This fool gon' tell me "Not Necessarily...cuz you know we always trying to get at something." I told him that was a moot point because just because a guy is trying to holla at a different girl or is smashing the next chick, it doesn't mean for one second that that "special lady" does not occupy his deeper thoughts. He gave me the shrug like, "Welp, I don't know." He doesn't have to admit it but even though I'm not a guy, I know I'm right.

So, what do YOU think? Does every man/woman have that man/woman who is always a constant?

Fellas that are lurking...come out come out wherever you are!!! Ladies, tell your male friends to get on here and answer!

Friday, September 26, 2008

What's It Gonna Be?

In having conversations at work, at bars, on the phone - wherever, you get the picture - with friends (primarily with my single, female friends), the discussion always comes up about what we look for in men. ALWAYS. My friends who are "women of a certain age" and my friends who are younger than me both generally want the same things: cute, financial and emotional stability, smart, down to earth, respectful, fun, etc. We know the rundown - no need to give it here Although I would like to point out that they may not be able to provide the things they as for in a man). I think that getting what you want from a potential significant other (PSO) is a nice thing. But getting what you NEED from a PSO is probably a beautiful thing. Imagine what your future relationship would look like then.

The idea of the needs vs. the wants originally came up for me in a convo with the FP. We were discussing somebody (like lil gossipers, LOL, though he'd probably never admit to gossiping with me) and how it was "cute" that she thought she should get ABC from a man but in reality, XYZ is what she needed and would help her evolve. Before that convo, I used the words interchangeably because I thought they were saying the same thing. But as I started listening to my friends and other people talk about what they want in a PSO and meaning knowing them well enough to know that whatever that description was wasn't TRUE, I started to distinguish the difference.

Those "wants" can probably take you on an endless list. Seriously, you'd probably going through pages and pages of looseleaf (hehehehe...haven't used that word in a long time) paper. It would probably start off with the physical features because hey, unless you've known the person for some time, that's the first thing you see. Then it might be something like, "He's gotta be funny, cool, outgoing, etc..." Whatever is on YOUR normal list when talking about your wants in a PSO. But one thing I've noticed about some friends that they may not know about themselves: That list is not honest to the core. Now, I don't at all mean that what's on that list isn't true as the first thing that comes to mind - absolutely not. What I'm suggesting is that they may not have gotten down to the core of THEIR being to decipher who they are (though we're always changing and growing) in order to be able to say what they NEED from a PSO. Oh, in case it wasn't clear, I've been here so I know WTF I'm talking about. LOL!

Once that's done and "the REAL" has come to the light, then you can be honest enough to let what you NEED from a PSO come forth. I tend to believe that this "list" will be shorter than your want list. I really believe it. Oh, the order may change too! The first thing on your list may now be how the person fills your spiritual or mental needs whereas how FINE he should be was NUMERO UNO on your "wants" list. See the thing about your NEEDS list is that it really speaks to the core of who you are. By seeing what you need in a PSO, it is almost explicitly showing who you are already or who you are striving to become. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself when trying to relate to the opposite sex. Keep it real with may hurt but there can be a HUGE payoff.

You don't have to do it now if you're not ready. I thoroughly believe in my NEEDS list but because of the current state I'm in in terms of relationships (I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship - I just want to date), I play off my "wants" list more often than not.

But when you're ready to settle down, like FOR REAL FOR REAL...what's it going to be?


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

This my number...what's yours??

You Are 1: The Reformer

You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.

High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.

You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.

You have uncompromising integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

At Your Best: You are hopeful, honest, and inspiring. You bring out the best in humanity.

At Your Worst: You are intolerant, judgmental, and picky.

Your Fixation: Resentment

Your Primary Fear: Being corrupt.

Your Primary Desire: To be good.

Other Number 1's: Al Gore, Martha Stewart, Gandhi, Celene Dion, and Spock from Star Trek.

What Number Are You?

By the way, this is very close to being true. Share your number with me in the Comment sections. Thanks, Eb the Celeb!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

We're All Grown...Right?

If that's the case, why am I having the hardest time trying to post about this without being as crude as possible? My girl, Ladi, was telling me earlier about something going down with her and I was so entertained. Anyone who knows me knows I LIVE for a good story (I can tell them too when there's something interesting going on with me). You know how I've been talking about "The Loneliness" and whatnot? Well, Ladi has been expressing similar things and also how certain "itches" need to be scratched. If we're all grown and aren't embarrassed about our needs, shouldn't we all be able to have them fulfilled?

Shouldn't we all be able to have "Emergency Sex in a Glass?"

Now, for those who don't know what this is, ESIG (which is originally known as "EDIG" intended for the ladies and created by Jay-Z, according to LADI - so you figure out what the "D" means) is that man or that woman you can call when you're in a bit of a rut and don't have someone that you're dating who has gotten to the point with you where they provide that need. I reckon its also the person who can break you off if you are dating someone and the sex just isn't good; I'm only going to say "dating" because if you're just dating, you're not cheating. If you're married and still utilizing the excuse of ESIG, you need to be beat cuz really, you're just cheating.

So, when should we really use ESIG? And how often? I've been thinking about this since our earlier convo and I'm thinking that you can't use all your life lines on ESIG just because you're horny. If you do that, you're now teetering on having that person now becoming a F*ck Buddy and we need to keep the two separate. SO the ESIG is someone that you're very cool with and though you all have maintained a very cool friendship, ya'll have had an episode a time or two and you keep them in the back of your mind in case times get "rough." I'm thinking that because you were friends with this person prior to engaging in "brokeoff-isms," you all can hang out like its nothing when sex isn't involved. My guess is that is one of the differences between ESIG and a FB. In the case of being friends first, I think ya'll can have regular life conversations too. Then, there's the OTHER ESIG who you may have tried to date and it didn't work out but since the sex was so good, you know you can call each other in that time of need. Make no mistake though, the ESIG should be REALLY good because otherwise, what's the effin point? Who in the world is holding on to bad sex in their back pocket in the '08? If that's the case, you best just join me in the Celibacy Blues Room.

I FULLY believe in ESIG even though I don't have it for myself at this time. Why should people miss out on their Crown Royal on Ice just because they aren't seriously dating someone? We're grown...wrap it up, pop a BCP (if that's your female form of BC...or whatever else you choose), and do ya thing. OH, I forgot one very important thing: If you're one of those people who gets emotionally attached to someone after you've had sex with them, ESIC is NOT for you. I PROMISE you will get your feelings hurt in the long run because people like you cannot handle casual sex...and you shouldn't have to if that's not in your personality. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you a punk or stupid or any other the other lame terms. Just look for other handy alternatives until that person you really care about comes around and feels the same way about you.

Are there any other thoughts or points about ESIG that I'm leaving out? I await any and all comments. Remember, you can post anonymously if you don't want to put yourself on blast. And please, tell your friends to come visit us and add their thoughts!

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Well, it will be fall on Monday and I'm completely ready! While I love the summer, there's one thing besides the weather that always changes: TELEVISION.

I'm a television fiend and with the arrival of my dvr box once I got cable last December, watch tv has been like a brand new experience. There's so much coming back this week alone that I need a tv guide to make sure I don't miss a thing. I've definitely got to catch "Ugly Betty" and "Grey's Anatomy" but "Dancing With the Stars" has quite a few celebs on that I like so I'll be tuning in. OH, and lest I forget "Brothers and Sisters" will be back one week from tomorrow. ABC is going to single-handedly max out my box.

But then, what about "Lipstick Jungle," The Game," "The Amazing Race," and all my other shows that I'm not remembering right now?! "Gossip Girls" has been back three weeks already so I'm already into that. Are there any new shows that I want to catch? My goodness, I can't EVEN keep up anymore. Let me jump ahead a few months and say that "The L Word" will be back for its final season in January. I love that show so if it must end, I'm glad it'll be with high ratings.

What else am I missing, ya'll? Thank the cable gods for this invention of the dvr because I'd never get over "The Loneliness" by staying in the house watching tv!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Gotta Make It Do What It Do.

This week has been tough. Hell, let's put it on the table: This week has been a complete and utter disaster...a crisis even. My work, which if nothing else, speaks of my dedication to do a great job, has been on some real live bullshit over the last two or three weeks. U don't know how my boss feels but I feel horrible that I've had to tell him about careless mistake after careless mistake. On Wednesday, after making the same mistake on two of the stations I cover, all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't know what to do with myself. There was no time to cry and even if there had been time, there as no way I was going to let anyone see me break down over this. Lucky was like, "Damn...well you know to do better and you will." FP was like, "Everyone makes mistakes, comes with the job. You just have to work harder." I was with him but had yet to tell him the number of mistakes I'd made or the money involved. But, he tried to make me feel better. They both tried and I appreciated it. I work very hard no matter the job - when I started as the receptionist, when I moved on to HR, and now to my current gig - and not only do I appreciate my own work, but my work ethic is appreciated by everyone. This doesn't usually happen and I don't know what's going on.


Okay, I'm lying...a little bit. At the risk of co-workers seeing this, I'll admit to not being CREATIVELY challenged. But here's the thing: I knew that when I took the job. I understood going in that this should be looked at as a new challenge at the company and an opportunity for me to, once again, learn something new. It was also a way for me to make more money. This was, for all intents and purposes, a win-win situation: I get a new job with more money while you guys get someone who is damn near a workaholic and likes everything to be right. The point was also for me to continue working on my other career goals: (1) working on an aircheck to become an on-air personality and (2) to work on my writing. That number one has been a thorn in my side because I've done nothing with it and that's really bothering even more than it already has been as of late. But, I've finally taken the bull by the horns and should be starting something within the next couple of weeks. My life, as it always does, is about to change for the better!! Anyway, to get myself back on track with this post, I say all this to say that my personal conflicts with my lack of creativity in this position has begun to show in my work and I cannot allow that to happen. Not anymore.

So, I need to bid a partial adieu to working fast just to "get it done: and say, "Heeeeeey, you're back, I missed you!" to working semi-fast but 100% efficient. We really need to get reacquainted before I fuck around and lose my job. WOW, okay so the post wasn't as harsh as I thought it would be (*WHEW*); it was me cursing myself more than it was me talking bad about my job. That's exactly what I was shooting for.

On a lighter note, I had theeeee BEST conversation with a three year old boy on the train yesterday evening - I was on my way home from an "event" with my soror-friends (I'll definitely post on that moment of hilarity). Anyway, shorty-rock and I talked about his monster truck and how him, his toy monster, someone named Haadiyah and I would get in the truck (which by the way had no opening doors) and go get ice cream. YESS, my new BFF is a three year old because anybody who loves ice cream as much as I do is a FRIEND OF MINE. Of course, we had a little "tiff" about who would PAY for said ice cream but he said he would because AMAZINGLY (and not really true)m his school gives him money. He said that his school has a playground and since my job doesn't, I should just come to his school and go to his playground since I was his friend. YAAAAAAAAY!!!! We both got off at the same stop and went our own ways but he was THE highlight of the train ride (aside from the other jokes being made before he sat down next to me). Awwwwwww, Miss BB love the kids!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Real Quick Update: LIC is perfectly fine. Don't ask me how I know this (Thanks, Cheerleader) but it is a FACT that he is and well. So, while I was hesitant to say something evil for fear that he wasn't okay, I can go on free! I'm so sure we'll run into each other one day and that will surely be "blog worthy."

So yeah, about the video posted. It is part of my issue...but only PART. I'm a fun person, get along with folks, and all that - I go out a lot and have a GREAT time with my people (PDS crew, my soror-friends crew, and everyone else). But to be honest, I've been feeling kind of "lonely" for lack of a better word (who am I kidding? There is no better word) for the last couple of months. My friends are always around but that's just not the kind of going out I need to do. I need to go out with people of the male persuasion.

I'm very good being single. I LIKE it what way. But being single (for whatever reason you choose and the reason I choose) doesn't mean that you don't date. For a large chunk of my adult life, specifically since I graduated from college and came home, I haven't done that much. Oh yes, there were a few guys I kicked it with but they've been far and few between...and it sucks. Don't ask me why I'm not dating: No, I'm not perfect but I like to believe that I'm a good woman who like everyone else in the world, always has little things to work on. Life, after all, is always a work in progress. But, it isn't always fun to work and just hang out with my girls. So see, this isn't a case of just that kind of "Celibacy Blues."

I wonder how many women are having this...issue? And for those who aren't, where are they meeting men? Its not even that I'm going on this hunt, but I'm a woman so I like to keep my eyes open for pieces of yumminess. LOL! I for one NEVER see any brothas (that's what MY eyes are peeled out for) that peek my interest. I know some women who always find men to date; but, I guess you can also question if they're just dating them to say they're dating someone. I want to date but I don't want to waste my time kicking it with dudes who I normally would have ZERO interest in just to say, "Yeah, I'm actively dating." Its not THAT serious.

My last thought is that, maybe this drought is really because I have a BIGGER fish to fry and there's no need for guppies. Those who know my lil bit of business know what I mean and hell, its been posted before so I'm not going to divulge anything else about that. I guess that's a thought too, huh? Can you just IMAGINE!

I don't know but it has put me in a rut and this is something constantly on my mind even when it doesn't seem like it. There have been certain days when I'm feeling a little "down and out" without being able to point out the reason; maybe this IS the reason I feel like that sometimes. I don't know. I just want to get out there and have some fun!! Shit, I'm cute, I'm cool, I'm smart as hell, and I'm funny beyond belief...CAN I LIVE?!?!?!

Oh and that video?? Yeah, I'm running with that too.