Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Is HOME where the HEART is?

I was born in Brooklyn. Moved to Queens when I was three years old. Moved back to Brooklyn somewhere around 12 or 13 years old. I left for fours years to go to college, got the degree and came on back. I'm a New Yorker to my HEART and if you cut me, eight letters may form from the blood: B-R-O-O-K-L-Y-N. Okay, maybe not but living in NYC is like my heart (though I enjoy traveling when I can to see other places).

We were talking today about my co-worker's dream life if she won the lotto. Somewhere along the way, we got on the topic of my dream to live in Westchester County, specifically in Purchase/Harrison, Scarsdale or any of the other REALLY nice towns up there. A co-worker who's from Jersey was trying to convince me that I could live in Jersey with cheaper taxes and be happy. "NO," was my basic response. I could live NYC (albeit not happily) for a job but in my mind all roads lead back here. And so the convo continues between co-worker 1 (the dream lottery winner), co-worker 2 (the NJian), and myself:

Co-worker 2: "What if you meet a guy in BROOKLYN and that's where you thought he was from, ya'll got along, and then you found out he lived in NJ?"

Me: Ummmm, I don't know."

Co-worker 2: But what if he has the house, the this, the that, and wants you to move there?"

Me: What if I have my house in Westchester County? Why can't he move there?

Co-worker 1: No but seriously? What if he wants to stay in NJ or is even from NY and wants to live there?

Me: *sigh* I don't know. I REALLY want to live in NY forever. I REALLY do. Hell, if I can't live in Westchester County, I want to live in Brooklyn Heights. (sidenote: Yes, I know I have VERY expensive living tastes. I KNOW.)

Co-Worker 1: Is it a dealbreaker for you? Can you not marry someone who wouldn't want to live in NYC?

Co-worker 2: it?

Me: *begrudgingly* NO, it isn't a dealbreaker but there needs to be a serious talk about this because this is a serious topic for me.

Co-worker 1: Would you live separately? Like him in NJ and you in NY?

Me: NO! *insert one of lil jokes here*

Co-worker 2: Ahhhh, moving for love...

So I'm thinking about, which I've done before, the idea of moving for love. In my mind, I believe that I could do it if (1) I could find a job comparable to what I have or if it is less, it would be the start of my dream job; (2) I could find my own place and (3) we were REALLY serious, which is one of the most important things. Key word: COULD. But really, WOULD I want to do that? I think I really don't have an answer because my pros and cons list would probably be about even and I don't know what the tipping point would be to make me say yay or nay.

So...what say you?

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Ties That Bind

When I started talking to my first boyfriend, he almost immediately wanted me to meet his aunt (she raised him form a young age after his mom passed). He said I was cool, he was "in love" with me (it's quoted because we were only three weeks in), and that he knew she would like me. I wasn't too excited about because I figured, even at only 20, that meeting parents/guardians was a really big deal. I introduced my parents to my "friend" when I was 18 but that was only because my mother INSISTED; I, on the other hand, was embarrassed that she forced me to do it. Anyway, I met his aunt, she LOVED me, told me I had a good head on my shoulders and thought I'd be really good for her nephew. That relationship lasted throughout the summer. I was good for him but he was NOT good for me.

As I've gotten older, no one has met my mom...because I haven't been in a serious relationship so I don't see the need to introduce her to someone I'm just kickin it with. But when I do, I'm doing it because he is the man I really like and am really serious with. I never thought about, "What if my mom doesn't like him" and how I would react if she didn't. A few weeks ago, a co-worker of mine mentioned that a guy she's dating met her parents and they liked him - which was a good thing because if they didn't, that would have been a dealbreaker. I wasn't shocked because I've known a couple of people in the past who feel the same way but I still responded with, "REALLY??" She said yes and the reason is because she's really close with her family and if they don't like the guy she's with, that would put her in an awkward position about when she would come around and she probably couldn't bring him with her.

Interesting. My mom and I talked about this before because I was telling her a girl I knew was considering ending her "thing" (can't remember if they were just dating or if they were serious) because her parents weren't really checking for him. My mom said, "Well, I know I don't have to worry about you and the idea of you discontinuing dating somebody just because I don't like him. That won't happen." She knows me well. Now, I would definitely find out what it is she doesn't like about him and file it away because quite frankly, we don't often see certain things in our relationships that others can because...hell, we're IN the relationship. But I would not immediately tell the man "Listen lil homie, it's juuuuuust not gonna work" based off what my mom says (unless she has some incriminating, without a shadow of a doubt evidence against him) about him. In my mind, no person is good enough for a parent's child and if they feel so strongly about it, they'll come up with anything to make sure it goes sour.

So, about these family ties - what say you? Can your parents (or guardians - whoever has been that influence to you) not liking who you date affect that relationship?

Let's discuss.