Friday, January 23, 2009

Talk To Me!

Yes, I've been missing...I know! I mean, I have no excuse - I just didn't feel like it. Isn't that lame of me? Oh well! Quick update: Everything was FINE with the FP; he said he really likes it. Big ups to the FP!

So anyway, there's been a recurring theme between me, people I know and...television shows I watch: Women having a HORRIBLE time expressing themselves. What? Noooooo...can't be. While it may seem hard to believe, I've noticed it to be true.

Let's start with me, shall we? A couple of weeks ago, the FP called (this was the same conversation that included "the list") and during some point on the conversation, he stopped me and told me to "hush." The FP said that for the last three weeks, I've managed to turn all the conversations we've had on him and made him the focal point. Allegedly, I don't talk about me anymore. At all. I hadn't noticed it but I didn't deny it because knowing me, it's probably true. I'm not sure what the problem is but I know I have a history of sometimes putting others' thoughts and feelings before my own. It's just that I never thought I had that problem with the FP. It's pretty easy to talk to him and have a free-flowing conversation so I'm not sure what's going on. In terms of "deep talks," I haven't been feeling all that "deep" lately so there hasn't been much to share. But, the fact that I don't even share my day in full or just how I'm feeling on any given day is worrisome for me. I'm working on that.

At work, Jersey was saying that she has work on expressing herself better to someone of the male persuasion as well. Her question: How much do they want us to say? Truth be told, I think that we as women keep our feelings to ourselves so much because we don't want to scare the men off by "speaking to soon." So we just wait until the guy expresses those similar feelings to us first. This could be a gift and a curse because I think men are just as nervous about telling us their feelings as we are to tell them ours. Of course, if they get it out there first, we usually breathe a sigh of relief because it was KILLING us not to say it too.

I wonder when we as women became so guarded? When did we become so afraid to put ourselves out there despite knowing the outcome? Are we jaded because of past situations?

Truthfully, I don't have the answer for you or for me. But, I'm going to work on both talking about myself more in depth and expressing my feelings. Don't expect to come running back to the blog saying, "Guess WHAT?! I done told XYZ I'm in Looooooove with him." NO. Slow and steady wins the race!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Over the Hump

So today, my first post went up on the Get Em Girls site (here's the link: The Great Debate: Yesterday vs. Today) so things are definitely starting to take form in my quest for "Shine in the '09!" I'll give updates when I put new pieces up there but I encourage you all to go to on the regular because it is really a cool website.

So, if you click on my name over there, it will link you to this blog. That's a great thing because I'd love to grow my tree a little bit. LOL! But if you'll remember, the FP (along with other friends that I've mentioned before) does NOT know this even exists. Until now. As I was telling myself today at work that I need to send him the link to the GEG article, I remember that my name links to here. So, I made the decision to tell him about "Brooklyn Blue" and the other article at the same time. As we know, I've been nervous to tell him about because (1) I don't know how he feel about me talking about some things that include he and I and (2) it just makes me nervous sometimes. But anyway, I told him and he told me he would check it out. We haven't spoken since I sent it to him and good or bad, mad or not, I can't wait to hear what he has to say.

Either way, I made a vow to try not to censor myself...for anyone. Everything I've said about him on here (as far as I can recall) we've talked about. I don't disrespect the nature of our friendship ever (even when we're frustrated with each other) so I think it'll be just fine for him to read it. And yes, I've been thinking about it since I clicked the "send" button.

Let it go already, girl...I'm over the hump!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Not Right Now!

So, the Giants just lost the game and I'm TIGHT right now. There are so many people to blame and so much garbage that just occurred that I don't know what to do. During the game, the only people I would talk to are those on "my" messageboard (it isn't really mine so no links will be given but we've been posting for years together so I guess WE run it, lol). I talked to Lucky basically during halftime but that's it. It was a tense time for me and I could not and WOULD NOT be bothered by idle phone conversation. For what?!?! Contrary to popular belief, many women love football and there are only a few things that would make them part with the Sunday routine...especially during playoff season. So I pose the question: Why would you bother someone when you KNOW something important is going on (whether you deem it important or not is irrelevant)??

Ladies, some men love sports; why you would make yourself angry by interrupting them during these hours (ESPECIALLY when their team is playing) is beyond me. If they're anything like me or anything like men I know, they will either try to give you SOME attention but still watch the game or brush you off altogether. Now, he's annoyed that you're interrupting KNOWING the game is on with your slick comments of, "It's just ain't getting paid to watch it" and all that stuff and YOU'RE annoyed because you don't have the full attention. If the conversation is important to you and the subject has been on your mind, why wait until Sunday afternoon to bring it up? Shoot, it would probably be better to talk about "it" later that night. But God forbid THE TEAM loses (as the Giants just did), maybe you better just test the waters on when it's cool to act "regular" because this could now be a delicate situation. Don't do it to yourself!

Men, we as women have "our shows." In case ya'll don't know (maybe because you only watch sports or just news or something like that), we have OUR SHOWS that are highly important to us and we cannot focus on a phone call (I use phone call because it seems that men usually always want to be calling us right at THAT time) and we cannot help you with something at that moment (maybe he's at your house, you're at his, or ya'll live together). SERIOUSLY, do not bother us unless it is VERY serious. As nurturers we'll gladly dvr the show (you know we will and I'm sure you would too - we all have dvr for the most part anyway) and give you full attention; but if you cannot find something or need to make something and don't know how, you're going to need to wait 30-60 minutes until the show goes off. No, it's really simple!

And it's not just television - everyone has "their thing" that gives them "me time" and it's kind of unfair for friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and relatives to knowingly interrupt during this time! I consistently watch a few shows and though my people may not know WHAT the show is, they generally know what time I will be occupied. If I'm at a concert, I'm moreeeee than excited about that and have told everyone on more than one occasion what day and time this show is happening...DON'T CALL ME! I don't wanna talk!! Respect my "me time" gangsta!!

Let this be a lesson, ladies and gents...respect the time!

*goes to sulk about this game*

You're Just Runnin' Cross My Mind.

I've had a few random thoughts lately. I've actually started posts about a couple of them but I decided against publishing them because...well, I didn't want to. So, heeeeeeeeeere we go:

  • I hung out with a girl I was really close with for about two years last night and it was really nice. I miss her but we can't be friends like we used to be.
  • My procrastination will be the death of me - I'm trying hard to live!
  • Sometimes, I'm just at a loss. It's good and it's gooooood. I've learned to take it slow and it works.
  • I'm nervous about the happenings of three weeks from now.
  • Work is alright but I'd like to get my side hustles POPPIN.
  • I'm going to be out and about in 2009.
  • It's time to do some more community stuff. There's a lot going on with our youth and I want to do SOMETHING.
Okay, so see how random they were? I know. I just wanted to get it our real quick.

Oh yeah, I'll be writing for soon. I'll keep you posted when you can officially check it out. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be writing articles or blog-like posts so I think I'll mix it up. I have a few topics on my mind...I'll start next week.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The Rules of Conversation

My biggest flaw, I've been told by more than one person more than one time, is that I sometimes cut people off when they're talking. I never mean any harm at all, really only doing it b/c the thought hit me so quickly that I want to let it out before I forget, but I know it can be annoying so I've been working on it since last year. It was completely bought to my attention after an argument with the FP because he "couldn't take it anymore" and I guess I needed to be stopped. I bought this to my mother's attention and she was like, "Um yeah, you DO cut me off a lot too." She likes him and so she was trying to have his back (picture me with a mean face right now); never met him, but she likes him. Seriously though, I know she has a point to.

Anyway, after a conversation with the FP (he called me - this is VERY important), we ended up having what was a disagreement/argument/difference of opinion on "the rules of conversation." These are his rules, as I've never heard them before and think they're kind of crazy (I told him that too but he just thinks I'm wrong, hence "the differences."). Anyway, for the sake of length and to leave out some of our convo, these are the rules (he didn't SAY these were "rules," but that's what I'm calling them:

  1. When a person calls you, they are usually doing so because they want something and not just calling "to be calling." Note: He did later edit this to say that's how HE is and maybe not everyone is like that.
  2. The person who calls basically controls the flow of the conversation.
  3. The RECEIVER of the conversation is supposed to let the person who called ask all the questions and they should basically just be on the phone to answer or give opinions when necessary.
  4. Conversations don't need to jump all over the place.
I mean, FOR REAL?? This doesn't make sense to have these kinds of rules for a conversation. AT ALL and I'm baffled. In respect to Rule #4, I think this is in reference to the way I am in conversations: if I think a question has been exhausted, I tend to just move on. It might be the most random next topic ever but that's how I am in conversation. It's not personal and nothing against him...just my way.

But yeah, about these rules: What do ya'll think?

Speak to me.

Friday, January 2, 2009



I hope you all rang the '09 in safely in whatever you did (some partied, some went out of the country, some were in church, and some stayed home...all wonderful things). I was in A.C. (Atlantic City for those of you not in the tri-state or not familiar with it) with my crew and we had a GREAT time. We stayed at the Tropicana and it was so POPPIN' that we didn't even have to leave the hotel! When the ball dropped, balloons were dropped in the hotel and fireworks sound effects went off. It was quite crowded so we left that scene and just walked around. LAWD HELP ME but my feet were KILLING me after like 30 minutes; I think I'll be getting rid of those shoes.

Anyway, on to the point...

YES, this is a New Year and there WILL be a NEW ME. I have so many things on tap for myself and I don't want to lax in any of them. First, let me say that I paid off my credit card debt on like Monday which was a GREAT thing. It was less than 1G but I haven't had CC debt in YEARS so that was not the jumpoff for me. It felt GREAT to pay it off like a day before the bill was emailed to me and laugh it off. In continuing with the finances, I've started to balance my checkbook starting today and my NUMBER ONE resolution is to keep up with that. HSBC has horrible online banking and I never know what's going on so I need to do this for myself. Furthermore, I will also be starting a budget book. Yes, I'm talking about a black and white notebook that keeps all my purchases in and compare it to my expenses. My mom maintains that I don't get to have splurge money b/c I put too much into my savings accounts and 401(k) so I only have JUST ENOUGH to live but I don't care. I'm going to check on this myself and if it's true, I'll make some changes. While I don't spend much money on things that aren't essential to my living, even MORE cutbacks are necessary.

NEXT: the career(s). I can't tell you how much procrastinating I'm doing on this air check. Why? I'm not really sure. I think that I'm not sure of what people want to hear and don't have anything to go on besides what I already hear on the air. But I'll get me. I'm also going to be going at this writing thing...HARD. I've contacted a few online magazines and websites in regards to giving them some of that "Brooklyn Flava" and I hope it takes off. I don't mind writing for free to hone my skills and get my name out there because eventually, it WILL pay off. I believe that. It's a work in progress, ya'll!

Life changes are essential. I am going to stick to cutbacks but before I do, there are some things I really want to have for my apartment like a new TV (Lucky has never posted in the comments section to my knowledge but I'm sure she'll be itching to do so when she reads this to talk about my tv), some accent pieces, and MAYBE some daggone curtains. It doesn't sound like much but this place has really been neglected and it just ain't right! I would like to take a really big trip but I don't know where. LOL! I've been looking at the Jay/Bey pics from their vacation (or as the rick folk say, "Holiday") and I'm thinking, "Whyyyyyy can't I be away for New Year's Eve at the end of this year?" If I'm really going to do that, I need to do it quickly but if not, I'll make it a point to go SOMEWHERE nice this year. You know what would be real nice? If I could take a trip to Hawaii. Yeah, that would be cool.

I'm going to learn how to be a semi-neat freak. I keep the apartment decent but I get lazy sometimes and I HATE to clean. I'm going to try and clean like every other day. Seriously, "TRY" is the key word here.

Another real simple thing I need to do is step my fashion game up. I LOVE sneakers and jeans but I need to try something new. I want to be cute, casual, and comfortable on a regular basis (I do still want to wear my jeans/sneakers though sometimes). How do I do this while making cutbacks? When you figure it out, let me know! Hmmm, piece by piece...maybe?

Oh, and we need to get this social life of mine POPPIN on the dating tip. Things picked up a tad bit in mid '08 but it slowed down considerably at the end. I got a couple of interesting messages from unlikely people already but I'm giving them the side eye (don't act like ya'll don't know what the "side eye" is). SOME say my social life isn't popping because everything is "in place" for my life in the romantic sense (no need to elaborate...I disagree but I'm hopeful about the end result. *wink*). I don't care what "they" say but I gotta get some things going!

So, these aren't resolutions but rather, life changes that I'm trying to make. I'm determined more and more with each passing day!

Let's get our SHINE in '09! Hit it, Estelle!