Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We All Have ONE...right??

So, I was having impromptu co-worker conversation a couple days ago and my blog about ESIG was the original topic. Chief (that's what we'll call him) was telling me that he thinks that he thinks all women have that ESIG and possibly MORE than one all the time! *shock and outrage* How dare he think such a thing about us angelic women and I vehemently denied such an accusation! I actually do disagree with him on that point because...well, look at my past posts. LOL! Anyway, this pushed off into another topic.

Chief said that he thinks all women DO have that one guy that is like a "constant" in our lives. He could possibly be our EDIG. He could be the guy we just talk to on the phone. The constant may be a guy we have the deepest admiration for...and he doesn't even know. Lastly, the constant could even be the person who, despite us not even speaking to them now and maybe not even in awhile, still hovers in our thoughts -be it at the forefront or in the back of our minds. You know the one I'm talking about...don't play. The one that MAKES. YOU. WEAK. Okay, we clear now? Thought so. Anyway, I thought about it for a second and while I initially disagreed for no reason at all, I quickly changed my tune. Personally, I think he has a point. Two of the three other women in my apartment agreed as well but the third one didn't. I'm still not sure why but everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But I turned the question around to him and was like, "Men have one too though, right?" This fool gon' tell me "Not Necessarily...cuz you know we always trying to get at something." I told him that was a moot point because just because a guy is trying to holla at a different girl or is smashing the next chick, it doesn't mean for one second that that "special lady" does not occupy his deeper thoughts. He gave me the shrug like, "Welp, I don't know." He doesn't have to admit it but even though I'm not a guy, I know I'm right.

So, what do YOU think? Does every man/woman have that man/woman who is always a constant?

Fellas that are lurking...come out come out wherever you are!!! Ladies, tell your male friends to get on here and answer!

Friday, September 26, 2008

What's It Gonna Be?

In having conversations at work, at bars, on the phone - wherever, you get the picture - with friends (primarily with my single, female friends), the discussion always comes up about what we look for in men. ALWAYS. My friends who are "women of a certain age" and my friends who are younger than me both generally want the same things: cute, financial and emotional stability, smart, down to earth, respectful, fun, etc. We know the rundown - no need to give it here Although I would like to point out that they may not be able to provide the things they as for in a man). I think that getting what you want from a potential significant other (PSO) is a nice thing. But getting what you NEED from a PSO is probably a beautiful thing. Imagine what your future relationship would look like then.

The idea of the needs vs. the wants originally came up for me in a convo with the FP. We were discussing somebody (like lil gossipers, LOL, though he'd probably never admit to gossiping with me) and how it was "cute" that she thought she should get ABC from a man but in reality, XYZ is what she needed and would help her evolve. Before that convo, I used the words interchangeably because I thought they were saying the same thing. But as I started listening to my friends and other people talk about what they want in a PSO and meaning knowing them well enough to know that whatever that description was wasn't TRUE, I started to distinguish the difference.

Those "wants" can probably take you on an endless list. Seriously, you'd probably going through pages and pages of looseleaf (hehehehe...haven't used that word in a long time) paper. It would probably start off with the physical features because hey, unless you've known the person for some time, that's the first thing you see. Then it might be something like, "He's gotta be funny, cool, outgoing, etc..." Whatever is on YOUR normal list when talking about your wants in a PSO. But one thing I've noticed about some friends that they may not know about themselves: That list is not honest to the core. Now, I don't at all mean that what's on that list isn't true as the first thing that comes to mind - absolutely not. What I'm suggesting is that they may not have gotten down to the core of THEIR being to decipher who they are (though we're always changing and growing) in order to be able to say what they NEED from a PSO. Oh, in case it wasn't clear, I've been here so I know WTF I'm talking about. LOL!

Once that's done and "the REAL" has come to the light, then you can be honest enough to let what you NEED from a PSO come forth. I tend to believe that this "list" will be shorter than your want list. I really believe it. Oh, the order may change too! The first thing on your list may now be how the person fills your spiritual or mental needs whereas how FINE he should be was NUMERO UNO on your "wants" list. See the thing about your NEEDS list is that it really speaks to the core of who you are. By seeing what you need in a PSO, it is almost explicitly showing who you are already or who you are striving to become. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself when trying to relate to the opposite sex. Keep it real with yourself...it may hurt but there can be a HUGE payoff.

You don't have to do it now if you're not ready. I thoroughly believe in my NEEDS list but because of the current state I'm in in terms of relationships (I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship - I just want to date), I play off my "wants" list more often than not.

But when you're ready to settle down, like FOR REAL FOR REAL...what's it going to be?


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

This my number...what's yours??

You Are 1: The Reformer

You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.

High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.

You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.

You have uncompromising integrity, and people expect you to be fair.

At Your Best: You are hopeful, honest, and inspiring. You bring out the best in humanity.

At Your Worst: You are intolerant, judgmental, and picky.

Your Fixation: Resentment

Your Primary Fear: Being corrupt.

Your Primary Desire: To be good.

Other Number 1's: Al Gore, Martha Stewart, Gandhi, Celene Dion, and Spock from Star Trek.

What Number Are You?

By the way, this is very close to being true. Share your number with me in the Comment sections. Thanks, Eb the Celeb!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

We're All Grown...Right?

If that's the case, why am I having the hardest time trying to post about this without being as crude as possible? My girl, Ladi, was telling me earlier about something going down with her and I was so entertained. Anyone who knows me knows I LIVE for a good story (I can tell them too when there's something interesting going on with me). You know how I've been talking about "The Loneliness" and whatnot? Well, Ladi has been expressing similar things and also how certain "itches" need to be scratched. If we're all grown and aren't embarrassed about our needs, shouldn't we all be able to have them fulfilled?

Shouldn't we all be able to have "Emergency Sex in a Glass?"

Now, for those who don't know what this is, ESIG (which is originally known as "EDIG" intended for the ladies and created by Jay-Z, according to LADI - so you figure out what the "D" means) is that man or that woman you can call when you're in a bit of a rut and don't have someone that you're dating who has gotten to the point with you where they provide that need. I reckon its also the person who can break you off if you are dating someone and the sex just isn't good; I'm only going to say "dating" because if you're just dating, you're not cheating. If you're married and still utilizing the excuse of ESIG, you need to be beat cuz really, you're just cheating.

So, when should we really use ESIG? And how often? I've been thinking about this since our earlier convo and I'm thinking that you can't use all your life lines on ESIG just because you're horny. If you do that, you're now teetering on having that person now becoming a F*ck Buddy and we need to keep the two separate. SO the ESIG is someone that you're very cool with and though you all have maintained a very cool friendship, ya'll have had an episode a time or two and you keep them in the back of your mind in case times get "rough." I'm thinking that because you were friends with this person prior to engaging in "brokeoff-isms," you all can hang out like its nothing when sex isn't involved. My guess is that is one of the differences between ESIG and a FB. In the case of being friends first, I think ya'll can have regular life conversations too. Then, there's the OTHER ESIG who you may have tried to date and it didn't work out but since the sex was so good, you know you can call each other in that time of need. Make no mistake though, the ESIG should be REALLY good because otherwise, what's the effin point? Who in the world is holding on to bad sex in their back pocket in the '08? If that's the case, you best just join me in the Celibacy Blues Room.

I FULLY believe in ESIG even though I don't have it for myself at this time. Why should people miss out on their Crown Royal on Ice just because they aren't seriously dating someone? We're grown...wrap it up, pop a BCP (if that's your female form of BC...or whatever else you choose), and do ya thing. OH, I forgot one very important thing: If you're one of those people who gets emotionally attached to someone after you've had sex with them, ESIC is NOT for you. I PROMISE you will get your feelings hurt in the long run because people like you cannot handle casual sex...and you shouldn't have to if that's not in your personality. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you a punk or stupid or any other the other lame terms. Just look for other handy alternatives until that person you really care about comes around and feels the same way about you.

Are there any other thoughts or points about ESIG that I'm leaving out? I await any and all comments. Remember, you can post anonymously if you don't want to put yourself on blast. And please, tell your friends to come visit us and add their thoughts!

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Well, it will be fall on Monday and I'm completely ready! While I love the summer, there's one thing besides the weather that always changes: TELEVISION.

I'm a television fiend and with the arrival of my dvr box once I got cable last December, watch tv has been like a brand new experience. There's so much coming back this week alone that I need a tv guide to make sure I don't miss a thing. I've definitely got to catch "Ugly Betty" and "Grey's Anatomy" but "Dancing With the Stars" has quite a few celebs on that I like so I'll be tuning in. OH, and lest I forget "Brothers and Sisters" will be back one week from tomorrow. ABC is going to single-handedly max out my box.

But then, what about "Lipstick Jungle," The Game," "The Amazing Race," and all my other shows that I'm not remembering right now?! "Gossip Girls" has been back three weeks already so I'm already into that. Are there any new shows that I want to catch? My goodness, I can't EVEN keep up anymore. Let me jump ahead a few months and say that "The L Word" will be back for its final season in January. I love that show so if it must end, I'm glad it'll be with high ratings.

What else am I missing, ya'll? Thank the cable gods for this invention of the dvr because I'd never get over "The Loneliness" by staying in the house watching tv!!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Gotta Make It Do What It Do.

This week has been tough. Hell, let's put it on the table: This week has been a complete and utter disaster...a crisis even. My work, which if nothing else, speaks of my dedication to do a great job, has been on some real live bullshit over the last two or three weeks. U don't know how my boss feels but I feel horrible that I've had to tell him about careless mistake after careless mistake. On Wednesday, after making the same mistake on two of the stations I cover, all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't know what to do with myself. There was no time to cry and even if there had been time, there as no way I was going to let anyone see me break down over this. Lucky was like, "Damn...well you know to do better and you will." FP was like, "Everyone makes mistakes, D...it comes with the job. You just have to work harder." I was with him but had yet to tell him the number of mistakes I'd made or the money involved. But, he tried to make me feel better. They both tried and I appreciated it. I work very hard no matter the job - when I started as the receptionist, when I moved on to HR, and now to my current gig - and not only do I appreciate my own work, but my work ethic is appreciated by everyone. This doesn't usually happen and I don't know what's going on.


Okay, I'm lying...a little bit. At the risk of co-workers seeing this, I'll admit to not being CREATIVELY challenged. But here's the thing: I knew that when I took the job. I understood going in that this should be looked at as a new challenge at the company and an opportunity for me to, once again, learn something new. It was also a way for me to make more money. This was, for all intents and purposes, a win-win situation: I get a new job with more money while you guys get someone who is damn near a workaholic and likes everything to be right. The point was also for me to continue working on my other career goals: (1) working on an aircheck to become an on-air personality and (2) to work on my writing. That number one has been a thorn in my side because I've done nothing with it and that's really bothering even more than it already has been as of late. But, I've finally taken the bull by the horns and should be starting something within the next couple of weeks. My life, as it always does, is about to change for the better!! Anyway, to get myself back on track with this post, I say all this to say that my personal conflicts with my lack of creativity in this position has begun to show in my work and I cannot allow that to happen. Not anymore.

So, I need to bid a partial adieu to working fast just to "get it done: and say, "Heeeeeey, you're back, I missed you!" to working semi-fast but 100% efficient. We really need to get reacquainted before I fuck around and lose my job. WOW, okay so the post wasn't as harsh as I thought it would be (*WHEW*); it was me cursing myself more than it was me talking bad about my job. That's exactly what I was shooting for.

On a lighter note, I had theeeee BEST conversation with a three year old boy on the train yesterday evening - I was on my way home from an "event" with my soror-friends (I'll definitely post on that moment of hilarity). Anyway, shorty-rock and I talked about his monster truck and how him, his toy monster, someone named Haadiyah and I would get in the truck (which by the way had no opening doors) and go get ice cream. YESS, my new BFF is a three year old because anybody who loves ice cream as much as I do is a FRIEND OF MINE. Of course, we had a little "tiff" about who would PAY for said ice cream but he said he would because AMAZINGLY (and not really true)m his school gives him money. He said that his school has a playground and since my job doesn't, I should just come to his school and go to his playground since I was his friend. YAAAAAAAAY!!!! We both got off at the same stop and went our own ways but he was THE highlight of the train ride (aside from the other jokes being made before he sat down next to me). Awwwwwww, Miss BB love the kids!!!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Real Quick Update: LIC is perfectly fine. Don't ask me how I know this (Thanks, Cheerleader) but it is a FACT that he is and well. So, while I was hesitant to say something evil for fear that he wasn't okay, I can go on free! I'm so sure we'll run into each other one day and that will surely be "blog worthy."

So yeah, about the video posted. It is part of my issue...but only PART. I'm a fun person, get along with folks, and all that - I go out a lot and have a GREAT time with my people (PDS crew, my soror-friends crew, and everyone else). But to be honest, I've been feeling kind of "lonely" for lack of a better word (who am I kidding? There is no better word) for the last couple of months. My friends are always around but that's just not the kind of going out I need to do. I need to go out with people of the male persuasion.

I'm very good being single. I LIKE it what way. But being single (for whatever reason you choose and the reason I choose) doesn't mean that you don't date. For a large chunk of my adult life, specifically since I graduated from college and came home, I haven't done that much. Oh yes, there were a few guys I kicked it with but they've been far and few between...and it sucks. Don't ask me why I'm not dating: No, I'm not perfect but I like to believe that I'm a good woman who like everyone else in the world, always has little things to work on. Life, after all, is always a work in progress. But, it isn't always fun to work and just hang out with my girls. So see, this isn't a case of just that kind of "Celibacy Blues."

I wonder how many women are having this...issue? And for those who aren't, where are they meeting men? Its not even that I'm going on this hunt, but I'm a woman so I like to keep my eyes open for pieces of yumminess. LOL! I for one NEVER see any brothas (that's what MY eyes are peeled out for) that peek my interest. I know some women who always find men to date; but, I guess you can also question if they're just dating them to say they're dating someone. I want to date but I don't want to waste my time kicking it with dudes who I normally would have ZERO interest in just to say, "Yeah, I'm actively dating." Its not THAT serious.

My last thought is that, maybe this drought is really because I have a BIGGER fish to fry and there's no need for guppies. Those who know my lil bit of business know what I mean and hell, its been posted before so I'm not going to divulge anything else about that. I guess that's a thought too, huh? Can you just IMAGINE!

I don't know but it has put me in a rut and this is something constantly on my mind even when it doesn't seem like it. There have been certain days when I'm feeling a little "down and out" without being able to point out the reason; maybe this IS the reason I feel like that sometimes. I don't know. I just want to get out there and have some fun!! Shit, I'm cute, I'm cool, I'm smart as hell, and I'm funny beyond belief...CAN I LIVE?!?!?!

Oh and that video?? Yeah, I'm running with that too.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

She's Got Her Own Thing.

That damn Ne-Yo - he really knows how to write a song for a woman, doesn't he?

I work hard at my job. I won't say it is the hardest job in the world but it also isn't my dream job so I work hard to keep my focus. There's lots of money involved and I do not want to be the one to mess it up, though we all make mistakes.

For some reason, Miss Independent makes me feel like I should continue to do my job, push myself harder to reach my on-air goals, and take this writing further than even I imagine.

Miss Independent
makes me want to continue to do my volunteer work, whether it be on a small scale or a large scale.

Miss Independent makes me believe that my friends, whether they're already on that path or not, will soon find the place that makes them happiest...no matter what it is.

Miss Independent
makes me feel that young women will be hear this song and believe they can grow up to be successful beyond their dreams...and their surroundings.

Miss Independent
makes me believe that all women should take SOMETHING from this song and want better for themselves (in whatever respect that means to your life...we can always climb higher).

Be Inspired.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Pick Yourself Up

*WAIT,,,before you start* I didn't realize this post was going to be so long until it posted. It does have a point...trust me. I just want you to get a visual!

Not quite sure if I've mentioned this yet but for someone in their late 20s, I don't have much experience in the dating stratosphere. I took an introductory crash course on the basics when I was in college with a friend turned "friends with benefits" and that has been through highs and major lows...on its way back up again. But other than that, I've just had small spurts of dating men here and there. The one thing I've learned is that you're supposed to just "bounce back" the way everyone says. But I being to wonder: Do I have that "snap back" as other women seem to?

Last year, I had an "episode" with a guy I'd been STRICTLY friends with for as long as I'd known him (for about five years). "Angel" was smart as hell. I mean, the most intelligent man I've ever met (and I know some extremely intelligent men). He was creative, funny, intense...and he was fine. Jesus, Mary, K-Ci and JoJo...he had eyes that looked like they were literally piercing into the very core of you. I had a crush on him for a long time but didn't say anything. Finally, back in '05 (maybe '04) I made my lil "crush" known and I very nicely, rejected. Apparently, X had recently gotten out of a relationship and said though he thought I was really cute and cool, he didn't want to rebound with me and ruin the friendship. He said he thought we should continue being friends and just see what happens. I'm the type who gets over crushes fairly quickly so after I got that off my chest, I was perfectly fine. Our friendship wasn't affected at all.

Fast forward to early last year. We hadn't spoken in a while which was fine because Angel and I always had the type of friendship that didn't require us to call each other all the time or hang out. In fact, we hadn't spoken in months and hadn't seen each other since forever! He called out of the blue one day and we got all caught up. His voice was always nice and it was just good to hear from him. After a couple of weeks, Angel invited me out to a concert because we hadn't seen each other in a long time and he thought I'd enjoy the show. Music? Harlem? Count me in!! I saw Angel when I got up there and though he was still cute, he'd become acquainted with homeboy braids and this atrocious beard. *PAUSE* I don't quite fair well with men 21 and over sporting homeboy braids. *CONTINUING* We had a nice time and then we went separate ways.

Few months later, we ran into each other at the Harlem Book Fair (yes, there's a trend: if my blood didn't bleed "Brooklyn," I'd probably be living there) and chilled for a couple hours out there. After that, we talked via text, with him always making sure I was enlightened by someone who could enrich my yearn to learn and also make sure I was well versed about the struggle of us black folk. Late August, Angel sent me some very "interesting" text messages that expressed his like for me and his "physical thoughts" about me. I was intrigued but he and I had played this flirtatious game for a long time and I told him, "You all about that talk, homie...and we can cut it if that's all we're going to do." *popping my collar for the assertiveness*

The point was well taken. Plans were made. And then, the deal was sealed. There was no change, so I thought, in our friendship. I'd had a death in my family and though it wasn't at all necessary for the situation, he was as supportive as he'd ALWAYS been in the time I'd known him. We still talked about everything. About three weeks later, he sent me a text saying that I "blew his mind" on many levels. Okay, cool. We made a plan for him to come over one day b/c I was cooking and blah, blah, blah. There was a time set and all and we'd spoken that very day. Lucky me, I had decided not to COOK the food until he got there. Good for me: he never showed up.

I'm a worrier - I thought he was hurt (lol, remind anyone of a story I just told...check my post, "We Don't Run..." ). I called, text, and emailed him to no avail, just to see if he was okay. Finally, I had to ask the one person I knew he knew if Angel was alright. "Oh he's fine...busy but I just spoke to him awhile ago." Oh yeah? After that, my emotions went everywhere you could go...just like a roller coaster. In April, our mutual friend told me that Angel had been through a lot and though I hated how he acted, my mind wouldn't let me feel happy that he was going through so much. So, I sent him one "goodbye forever" text to say that no matter what happened to our friendship (and I'm not sure what it was outside of him I guess being my friend for 5 years just to hit and run), I hope he's well and he gets through his hard times. I haven't heard from Angel in what will soon be a year.

To tie it all together to the first paragraph, I told this story because when I told friends about this situation, it became a "Well fuck him girl...his loss." That's something I TOTALLY agree with. But at the same time, I felt soft and pink about it all. Like, my feelings were really hurt though I think I masked it fairly well. Of course, I think its because I thought he was my friend and he did it dirty. LIC didn't hurt my feelings at all; I was/am just confused about it all and am trying to just get the hell over my confusion that it was, while running with and believing the notion of, "F*ck him girl...F*CK HIM." Side note: I'm just a really analytical person who will go over things in my head FOREVER until I come up with something that sounds plausible...even when there sometimes is no rhyme or reason.

But these things will happen in the dating stratosphere. Would I have been less "soft" about it had I had prior dating experiences and tragedies? What happens when/if something really bad happens with a guy I like? Damn, will I be torn apart like these chicks in movies? I don't at all believe I'm a lil punk over things that I can't change in people who weren't worthy of being in my presence in the first place. I need not give anyone that much power over my thoughts. These are just questions I'm asking myself.

As I sing to myself, "...Mama told one day it was gonna happen but she never told me when...she told me it would happen when I was much older...wish it wouldn't happened then."

Name it.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Well, What About Them??

When you give good, you get good. I'd like to believe that over the years, I've been a great friend to so many people. Admittedly, all of my friends, with the exception of one, are all from my college years. But, that's never bothered me: the notion that none of my current friends existed before I turned 18. I don't believe that by having friends since kindergarten determines the way I maintain my relationships.

I say all this to say: Two of my most important friendships from college have taken a toll since graduation (well, maybe just the last two years). Primary reasons? All of us living in different states and leading very different lives. From the start, we all had very different personalities which worked and made us the Three Musketeers. Phire moved to Houston last year for a great job after a four year stop in Atlanta, has a two year old daughter, and is currently in a serious relationship. She's doing well for herself. Legacy lives in Atlanta, is a teacher and recently engaged (she'll be getting married in December!). She, too, is doing the damn thing. I, of course, came home to Brooklyn, work hard on pushing this radio and writing thing, I'm single and I play...HARD. I can't complain too much either (another blog doing exactly THAT is coming). We pledged together and some kind of way, our personalities made us way closer than just "line sisters." As evidenced, we are VERY different.

But as I think about it, I wonder if our different lives have pulled us so far apart. Phire is ALWAYS busy being Mommy and I hate to hold her on the phone for fear that I'm keeping her away from doing something "more important" than just chit chatting with me. Legacy has always been her "own kind of girl," with her actions and her style of "dealing" with us. It makes her who she is and we love her for it. I find, however, that she's become more reserved over time - really just doing her own thing and, of course, adapting to her life as a soon-to-be wife. And me? I think I might be considered the "party girl" of our crew. I don't have the same circumstances to hold me back. I come and go as I please, answer to no one, and have no child rearing responsibilities. That's the way I like it even though I think that, subconsciously, they wish I'd live a life similar to theirs and kind of "settle down." But, its not for me right now and I like the pace my life has taken. Actually, we could stand to push the limits a bit and go 60 in a 55mph zone.

We don't ever see each other, sans MY visits to Atlanta (which are currently on cease and desist due to Legacy's indirect refusal to visit). Phire falls into that category too because she lived in Atlanta and never came up here either (though she DID book a flight up here but absolutely could not get out of Houston). So, at times, the phone calls are strained because seriously, how many times can you just talk on the phone. There is so much that goes into friendships and seeing each other from time to time is part of the process. I don't know if they've noticed it, but I have and...well, I don't know what can be done about it. A prior "situation" had two of us at damn near WAR with the other and I think that really affected the way we communicate. It was the first time we'd had an all out argument and I don't know if that was that "straw." Anyway, I'd like to make it better. I'm not at all trying to go back to the way things are because quite frankly, I hate trying to re-hash something that is gone. The first time we'll all be together in over a year will be at Legacy's wedding so I know we won't have time to "kick it." Well, maybe I'm wrong. Apparently, myself, along with a few other friends, have been told (by Legacy, no less) to plan the bachelorette party. I guess we'll see.

The rambling has started so perhaps this is just one of those things I needed to air out. There are other people I'm friends with who, without a shadow of a doubt, I consider my friends so this in no way some kind of slap in the face to them. Its just that Phire and Legacy...well, I just miss them.

Friday, September 5, 2008

We Need an Intervention...STAT.

I was about to go to bed. I was. But, I just had to go on LSA to look at some celeb pics. Jesus be a Trainer...a Manager...a Friend...an Assistant...

Jesus be SPANX! I'm serious about this right now. I love J. Hud (although she's completely theatrical to me) but as part of the Plus-Sized crew (albeit on the smaller end and more thick than plus-sized...but just a turkey burger away), I cannot and will not continue to be disrespected. I don't claim to be a fashionista but REAL TALK...my clothes FIT. Look at this FOOLISHNESS and tell me what's RIGHT about it (there are other pics...you can look them up yourself and they ARE worse)!! I'm angry right now because outfits like this is part of the reason why my FLY big girls get no love!

Jennifer, if you're going to wear an outfit like this (next time try better material because this look screams RAVE Plus-sized to me), you are going to have to get a trainer and lose some weight. The dress is going to show off EVERYTHING. I will not nit-pick because I have quite a few problem areas and far be it for me to talk about the small things. The reality is, EYE am not trying to be a celebrity. You don't have to be small to bring your A game! She does this all the time and I believe she can do better. I'm not a stylist but I could do it for her if she needed someone ASAP...that's more of a final statement rather than a nice suggestion. It is utterly disrespectful to make the rest of us look bad.

What about the rest of us, J. Hud? Why do we have to suffer along with you? When are you going to stop this? WHEN?!?! What about what EEEEEYE want? *cues Dreamgirls*


*drops mic*

Thursday, September 4, 2008

We Don't Run in the Same Crowd.

That's me and stupidity, that is. We've been introduced but I don't like him (him because not only is it grammatically correct but the situation calls for it). We're neither acquaintances nor friends. I have no tolerance for stupidity.

I met a guy, LIC (his location), about a month and a half ago and while I was originally concerned about his height, I agreed (after two to three weeks of me dodging his calls because I didn't know if I should really go out) to go out with him. We had a good time and though he was told *AFTER HE ASKED* that his height kind of bothered me, it was decided by him that we would date anyway. Now, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and enjoyed even more his assertiveness, confidence and slight cockiness. As long as it isn't completely over the top, those attributes are complete turn-ons for me. We've been out a few times since then, always enjoying each other's company...and food. He's a major foodie although he denies it. The point is for us to just casually date because basically, he still has some shit with him about a past long term relationship and I just don't want a relationship right now. It works.

Ummmmmmm, yeah...so about that working? Hmmm, not so much as of yesterday. LIC managed to stand me up, even though we were on the phone about to set a time for him to come get me. No, seriously. I had to put him on hold a couple minutes but he was getting ready to tell me to get dressed because "I'll be there in xyz minutes." He hung up while he was on hold so I called him back. NO answer so i left a message. Forty-five minutes later, I send a text...no "The Jetsons" ringtone sounding off to signify a response. Werd? I'm being punked? At 28, for the first time in my life, I'm being stood up on a date that was about to happen? Is that how we do it in the '08? Its been 24 hours and I still haven't heard from him. Okay, so unless there is a SERIOUS situation going on that prevents you from giving me a one minute call or even a one line text (he doesn't LIKE to talk over the phone too much), there's really not much room for justification here. Certainly not 24 friggin hours later.

I have a thing for tact and courtesy. I really do. Some people who don't know any better would actually make an attempt to call me "bougie," a word I think is used too loosely. I just understand people being respectful and having COUTH. It isn't hard at all...even if you call/text to say, "For real...I'm not feeling you. I'm good." Hey, I may not like it but it is what it is. Ego bruised? Absolutely. This has never happened to me so I almost don't how to react except to talk about it until I'm not upset anymore.

The problem is: LIC didn't appear to be "that dude." You know, that dude who is just rude and expects a woman to run behind him and sweat him. In fact, he's been the exact opposite: nice,fairly attentive, completely complimentary. All of that. While he's made his *ahem* physical thoughts known, he hasn't been pushy at all. Is it me or does this sound weird? Like, how are you about to tell me to get ready and then don't answer your phone and stand me up? I mean, is he going to wait until he thinks this has blown over? Call me like its all good? Nah money, you don't know me well enough to try that yet. What dumb ass part of the game is that? I'm built for it but I don't have to like it. I mean...ILL.

Now, let's just pray that both LIC and his family are alright and nothing serious has actually happened. There are times that I can be a worrier (another story, another day) so I need to believe he just made a jerk move, pretty much detrimental to him dating me; otherwise, I'll be thinking to call to make sure he's alive only to be like "eff you...have a good life" and I don't want to even give him that benefit. In my gut, I think he's fine so I'll just have to accept that I met a good guy...gone bad.

C'est la Vie! *shrugs and not liking this one bit*