So, I was having impromptu co-worker conversation a couple days ago and my blog about ESIG was the original topic. Chief (that's what we'll call him) was telling me that he thinks that he thinks all women have that ESIG and possibly MORE than one all the time! *shock and outrage* How dare he think such a thing about us angelic women and I vehemently denied such an accusation! I actually do disagree with him on that point because...well, look at my past posts. LOL! Anyway, this pushed off into another topic.
Chief said that he thinks all women DO have that one guy that is like a "constant" in our lives. He could possibly be our EDIG. He could be the guy we just talk to on the phone. The constant may be a guy we have the deepest admiration for...and he doesn't even know. Lastly, the constant could even be the person who, despite us not even speaking to them now and maybe not even in awhile, still hovers in our thoughts -be it at the forefront or in the back of our minds. You know the one I'm talking about...don't play. The one that MAKES. YOU. WEAK. Okay, we clear now? Thought so. Anyway, I thought about it for a second and while I initially disagreed for no reason at all, I quickly changed my tune. Personally, I think he has a point. Two of the three other women in my apartment agreed as well but the third one didn't. I'm still not sure why but everyone is entitled to their opinion.
But I turned the question around to him and was like, "Men have one too though, right?" This fool gon' tell me "Not Necessarily...cuz you know we always trying to get at something." I told him that was a moot point because just because a guy is trying to holla at a different girl or is smashing the next chick, it doesn't mean for one second that that "special lady" does not occupy his deeper thoughts. He gave me the shrug like, "Welp, I don't know." He doesn't have to admit it but even though I'm not a guy, I know I'm right.
So, what do YOU think? Does every man/woman have that man/woman who is always a constant?
Fellas that are lurking...come out come out wherever you are!!! Ladies, tell your male friends to get on here and answer!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
What's It Gonna Be?
In having conversations at work, at bars, on the phone - wherever, you get the picture - with friends (primarily with my single, female friends), the discussion always comes up about what we look for in men. ALWAYS. My friends who are "women of a certain age" and my friends who are younger than me both generally want the same things: cute, financial and emotional stability, smart, down to earth, respectful, fun, etc. We know the rundown - no need to give it here Although I would like to point out that they may not be able to provide the things they as for in a man). I think that getting what you want from a potential significant other (PSO) is a nice thing. But getting what you NEED from a PSO is probably a beautiful thing. Imagine what your future relationship would look like then.
The idea of the needs vs. the wants originally came up for me in a convo with the FP. We were discussing somebody (like lil gossipers, LOL, though he'd probably never admit to gossiping with me) and how it was "cute" that she thought she should get ABC from a man but in reality, XYZ is what she needed and would help her evolve. Before that convo, I used the words interchangeably because I thought they were saying the same thing. But as I started listening to my friends and other people talk about what they want in a PSO and meaning knowing them well enough to know that whatever that description was wasn't TRUE, I started to distinguish the difference.
Those "wants" can probably take you on an endless list. Seriously, you'd probably going through pages and pages of looseleaf (hehehehe...haven't used that word in a long time) paper. It would probably start off with the physical features because hey, unless you've known the person for some time, that's the first thing you see. Then it might be something like, "He's gotta be funny, cool, outgoing, etc..." Whatever is on YOUR normal list when talking about your wants in a PSO. But one thing I've noticed about some friends that they may not know about themselves: That list is not honest to the core. Now, I don't at all mean that what's on that list isn't true as the first thing that comes to mind - absolutely not. What I'm suggesting is that they may not have gotten down to the core of THEIR being to decipher who they are (though we're always changing and growing) in order to be able to say what they NEED from a PSO. Oh, in case it wasn't clear, I've been here so I know WTF I'm talking about. LOL!
Once that's done and "the REAL" has come to the light, then you can be honest enough to let what you NEED from a PSO come forth. I tend to believe that this "list" will be shorter than your want list. I really believe it. Oh, the order may change too! The first thing on your list may now be how the person fills your spiritual or mental needs whereas how FINE he should be was NUMERO UNO on your "wants" list. See the thing about your NEEDS list is that it really speaks to the core of who you are. By seeing what you need in a PSO, it is almost explicitly showing who you are already or who you are striving to become. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself when trying to relate to the opposite sex. Keep it real with yourself...it may hurt but there can be a HUGE payoff.
You don't have to do it now if you're not ready. I thoroughly believe in my NEEDS list but because of the current state I'm in in terms of relationships (I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship - I just want to date), I play off my "wants" list more often than not.
But when you're ready to settle down, like FOR REAL FOR REAL...what's it going to be?
WANTS or NEEDS?????
The idea of the needs vs. the wants originally came up for me in a convo with the FP. We were discussing somebody (like lil gossipers, LOL, though he'd probably never admit to gossiping with me) and how it was "cute" that she thought she should get ABC from a man but in reality, XYZ is what she needed and would help her evolve. Before that convo, I used the words interchangeably because I thought they were saying the same thing. But as I started listening to my friends and other people talk about what they want in a PSO and meaning knowing them well enough to know that whatever that description was wasn't TRUE, I started to distinguish the difference.
Those "wants" can probably take you on an endless list. Seriously, you'd probably going through pages and pages of looseleaf (hehehehe...haven't used that word in a long time) paper. It would probably start off with the physical features because hey, unless you've known the person for some time, that's the first thing you see. Then it might be something like, "He's gotta be funny, cool, outgoing, etc..." Whatever is on YOUR normal list when talking about your wants in a PSO. But one thing I've noticed about some friends that they may not know about themselves: That list is not honest to the core. Now, I don't at all mean that what's on that list isn't true as the first thing that comes to mind - absolutely not. What I'm suggesting is that they may not have gotten down to the core of THEIR being to decipher who they are (though we're always changing and growing) in order to be able to say what they NEED from a PSO. Oh, in case it wasn't clear, I've been here so I know WTF I'm talking about. LOL!
Once that's done and "the REAL" has come to the light, then you can be honest enough to let what you NEED from a PSO come forth. I tend to believe that this "list" will be shorter than your want list. I really believe it. Oh, the order may change too! The first thing on your list may now be how the person fills your spiritual or mental needs whereas how FINE he should be was NUMERO UNO on your "wants" list. See the thing about your NEEDS list is that it really speaks to the core of who you are. By seeing what you need in a PSO, it is almost explicitly showing who you are already or who you are striving to become. Its amazing how much you can learn about yourself when trying to relate to the opposite sex. Keep it real with yourself...it may hurt but there can be a HUGE payoff.
You don't have to do it now if you're not ready. I thoroughly believe in my NEEDS list but because of the current state I'm in in terms of relationships (I'm not looking to be in a serious relationship - I just want to date), I play off my "wants" list more often than not.
But when you're ready to settle down, like FOR REAL FOR REAL...what's it going to be?
WANTS or NEEDS?????
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
This my number...what's yours??
You Are 1: The Reformer |
 You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong. High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them. You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect. You have uncompromising integrity, and people expect you to be fair. At Your Best: You are hopeful, honest, and inspiring. You bring out the best in humanity. At Your Worst: You are intolerant, judgmental, and picky. Your Fixation: Resentment Your Primary Fear: Being corrupt. Your Primary Desire: To be good. Other Number 1's: Al Gore, Martha Stewart, Gandhi, Celene Dion, and Spock from Star Trek. |
What Number Are You?
By the way, this is very close to being true. Share your number with me in the Comment sections. Thanks, Eb the Celeb!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
We're All Grown...Right?
If that's the case, why am I having the hardest time trying to post about this without being as crude as possible? My girl, Ladi, was telling me earlier about something going down with her and I was so entertained. Anyone who knows me knows I LIVE for a good story (I can tell them too when there's something interesting going on with me). You know how I've been talking about "The Loneliness" and whatnot? Well, Ladi has been expressing similar things and also how certain "itches" need to be scratched. If we're all grown and aren't embarrassed about our needs, shouldn't we all be able to have them fulfilled?
Shouldn't we all be able to have "Emergency Sex in a Glass?"
Now, for those who don't know what this is, ESIG (which is originally known as "EDIG" intended for the ladies and created by Jay-Z, according to LADI - so you figure out what the "D" means) is that man or that woman you can call when you're in a bit of a rut and don't have someone that you're dating who has gotten to the point with you where they provide that need. I reckon its also the person who can break you off if you are dating someone and the sex just isn't good; I'm only going to say "dating" because if you're just dating, you're not cheating. If you're married and still utilizing the excuse of ESIG, you need to be beat cuz really, you're just cheating.
So, when should we really use ESIG? And how often? I've been thinking about this since our earlier convo and I'm thinking that you can't use all your life lines on ESIG just because you're horny. If you do that, you're now teetering on having that person now becoming a F*ck Buddy and we need to keep the two separate. SO the ESIG is someone that you're very cool with and though you all have maintained a very cool friendship, ya'll have had an episode a time or two and you keep them in the back of your mind in case times get "rough." I'm thinking that because you were friends with this person prior to engaging in "brokeoff-isms," you all can hang out like its nothing when sex isn't involved. My guess is that is one of the differences between ESIG and a FB. In the case of being friends first, I think ya'll can have regular life conversations too. Then, there's the OTHER ESIG who you may have tried to date and it didn't work out but since the sex was so good, you know you can call each other in that time of need. Make no mistake though, the ESIG should be REALLY good because otherwise, what's the effin point? Who in the world is holding on to bad sex in their back pocket in the '08? If that's the case, you best just join me in the Celibacy Blues Room.
I FULLY believe in ESIG even though I don't have it for myself at this time. Why should people miss out on their Crown Royal on Ice just because they aren't seriously dating someone? We're grown...wrap it up, pop a BCP (if that's your female form of BC...or whatever else you choose), and do ya thing. OH, I forgot one very important thing: If you're one of those people who gets emotionally attached to someone after you've had sex with them, ESIC is NOT for you. I PROMISE you will get your feelings hurt in the long run because people like you cannot handle casual sex...and you shouldn't have to if that's not in your personality. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you a punk or stupid or any other the other lame terms. Just look for other handy alternatives until that person you really care about comes around and feels the same way about you.
Are there any other thoughts or points about ESIG that I'm leaving out? I await any and all comments. Remember, you can post anonymously if you don't want to put yourself on blast. And please, tell your friends to come visit us and add their thoughts!
Shouldn't we all be able to have "Emergency Sex in a Glass?"
Now, for those who don't know what this is, ESIG (which is originally known as "EDIG" intended for the ladies and created by Jay-Z, according to LADI - so you figure out what the "D" means) is that man or that woman you can call when you're in a bit of a rut and don't have someone that you're dating who has gotten to the point with you where they provide that need. I reckon its also the person who can break you off if you are dating someone and the sex just isn't good; I'm only going to say "dating" because if you're just dating, you're not cheating. If you're married and still utilizing the excuse of ESIG, you need to be beat cuz really, you're just cheating.
So, when should we really use ESIG? And how often? I've been thinking about this since our earlier convo and I'm thinking that you can't use all your life lines on ESIG just because you're horny. If you do that, you're now teetering on having that person now becoming a F*ck Buddy and we need to keep the two separate. SO the ESIG is someone that you're very cool with and though you all have maintained a very cool friendship, ya'll have had an episode a time or two and you keep them in the back of your mind in case times get "rough." I'm thinking that because you were friends with this person prior to engaging in "brokeoff-isms," you all can hang out like its nothing when sex isn't involved. My guess is that is one of the differences between ESIG and a FB. In the case of being friends first, I think ya'll can have regular life conversations too. Then, there's the OTHER ESIG who you may have tried to date and it didn't work out but since the sex was so good, you know you can call each other in that time of need. Make no mistake though, the ESIG should be REALLY good because otherwise, what's the effin point? Who in the world is holding on to bad sex in their back pocket in the '08? If that's the case, you best just join me in the Celibacy Blues Room.
I FULLY believe in ESIG even though I don't have it for myself at this time. Why should people miss out on their Crown Royal on Ice just because they aren't seriously dating someone? We're grown...wrap it up, pop a BCP (if that's your female form of BC...or whatever else you choose), and do ya thing. OH, I forgot one very important thing: If you're one of those people who gets emotionally attached to someone after you've had sex with them, ESIC is NOT for you. I PROMISE you will get your feelings hurt in the long run because people like you cannot handle casual sex...and you shouldn't have to if that's not in your personality. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make you a punk or stupid or any other the other lame terms. Just look for other handy alternatives until that person you really care about comes around and feels the same way about you.
Are there any other thoughts or points about ESIG that I'm leaving out? I await any and all comments. Remember, you can post anonymously if you don't want to put yourself on blast. And please, tell your friends to come visit us and add their thoughts!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
FALL IS HERE!!!
Well, it will be fall on Monday and I'm completely ready! While I love the summer, there's one thing besides the weather that always changes: TELEVISION.
I'm a television fiend and with the arrival of my dvr box once I got cable last December, watch tv has been like a brand new experience. There's so much coming back this week alone that I need a tv guide to make sure I don't miss a thing. I've definitely got to catch "Ugly Betty" and "Grey's Anatomy" but "Dancing With the Stars" has quite a few celebs on that I like so I'll be tuning in. OH, and lest I forget "Brothers and Sisters" will be back one week from tomorrow. ABC is going to single-handedly max out my box.
But then, what about "Lipstick Jungle," The Game," "The Amazing Race," and all my other shows that I'm not remembering right now?! "Gossip Girls" has been back three weeks already so I'm already into that. Are there any new shows that I want to catch? My goodness, I can't EVEN keep up anymore. Let me jump ahead a few months and say that "The L Word" will be back for its final season in January. I love that show so if it must end, I'm glad it'll be with high ratings.
What else am I missing, ya'll? Thank the cable gods for this invention of the dvr because I'd never get over "The Loneliness" by staying in the house watching tv!!
I'm a television fiend and with the arrival of my dvr box once I got cable last December, watch tv has been like a brand new experience. There's so much coming back this week alone that I need a tv guide to make sure I don't miss a thing. I've definitely got to catch "Ugly Betty" and "Grey's Anatomy" but "Dancing With the Stars" has quite a few celebs on that I like so I'll be tuning in. OH, and lest I forget "Brothers and Sisters" will be back one week from tomorrow. ABC is going to single-handedly max out my box.
But then, what about "Lipstick Jungle," The Game," "The Amazing Race," and all my other shows that I'm not remembering right now?! "Gossip Girls" has been back three weeks already so I'm already into that. Are there any new shows that I want to catch? My goodness, I can't EVEN keep up anymore. Let me jump ahead a few months and say that "The L Word" will be back for its final season in January. I love that show so if it must end, I'm glad it'll be with high ratings.
What else am I missing, ya'll? Thank the cable gods for this invention of the dvr because I'd never get over "The Loneliness" by staying in the house watching tv!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Gotta Make It Do What It Do.
This week has been tough. Hell, let's put it on the table: This week has been a complete and utter disaster...a crisis even. My work, which if nothing else, speaks of my dedication to do a great job, has been on some real live bullshit over the last two or three weeks. U don't know how my boss feels but I feel horrible that I've had to tell him about careless mistake after careless mistake. On Wednesday, after making the same mistake on two of the stations I cover, all I wanted to do was cry. I didn't know what to do with myself. There was no time to cry and even if there had been time, there as no way I was going to let anyone see me break down over this. Lucky was like, "Damn...well you know to do better and you will." FP was like, "Everyone makes mistakes, D...it comes with the job. You just have to work harder." I was with him but had yet to tell him the number of mistakes I'd made or the money involved. But, he tried to make me feel better. They both tried and I appreciated it. I work very hard no matter the job - when I started as the receptionist, when I moved on to HR, and now to my current gig - and not only do I appreciate my own work, but my work ethic is appreciated by everyone. This doesn't usually happen and I don't know what's going on.
...
Okay, I'm lying...a little bit. At the risk of co-workers seeing this, I'll admit to not being CREATIVELY challenged. But here's the thing: I knew that when I took the job. I understood going in that this should be looked at as a new challenge at the company and an opportunity for me to, once again, learn something new. It was also a way for me to make more money. This was, for all intents and purposes, a win-win situation: I get a new job with more money while you guys get someone who is damn near a workaholic and likes everything to be right. The point was also for me to continue working on my other career goals: (1) working on an aircheck to become an on-air personality and (2) to work on my writing. That number one has been a thorn in my side because I've done nothing with it and that's really bothering even more than it already has been as of late. But, I've finally taken the bull by the horns and should be starting something within the next couple of weeks. My life, as it always does, is about to change for the better!! Anyway, to get myself back on track with this post, I say all this to say that my personal conflicts with my lack of creativity in this position has begun to show in my work and I cannot allow that to happen. Not anymore.
So, I need to bid a partial adieu to working fast just to "get it done: and say, "Heeeeeey, you're back, I missed you!" to working semi-fast but 100% efficient. We really need to get reacquainted before I fuck around and lose my job. WOW, okay so the post wasn't as harsh as I thought it would be (*WHEW*); it was me cursing myself more than it was me talking bad about my job. That's exactly what I was shooting for.
On a lighter note, I had theeeee BEST conversation with a three year old boy on the train yesterday evening - I was on my way home from an "event" with my soror-friends (I'll definitely post on that moment of hilarity). Anyway, shorty-rock and I talked about his monster truck and how him, his toy monster, someone named Haadiyah and I would get in the truck (which by the way had no opening doors) and go get ice cream. YESS, my new BFF is a three year old because anybody who loves ice cream as much as I do is a FRIEND OF MINE. Of course, we had a little "tiff" about who would PAY for said ice cream but he said he would because AMAZINGLY (and not really true)m his school gives him money. He said that his school has a playground and since my job doesn't, I should just come to his school and go to his playground since I was his friend. YAAAAAAAAY!!!! We both got off at the same stop and went our own ways but he was THE highlight of the train ride (aside from the other jokes being made before he sat down next to me). Awwwwwww, Miss BB love the kids!!!
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Real Quick Update: LIC is perfectly fine. Don't ask me how I know this (Thanks, Cheerleader) but it is a FACT that he is and well. So, while I was hesitant to say something evil for fear that he wasn't okay, I can go on free! I'm so sure we'll run into each other one day and that will surely be "blog worthy."
So yeah, about the video posted. It is part of my issue...but only PART. I'm a fun person, get along with folks, and all that - I go out a lot and have a GREAT time with my people (PDS crew, my soror-friends crew, and everyone else). But to be honest, I've been feeling kind of "lonely" for lack of a better word (who am I kidding? There is no better word) for the last couple of months. My friends are always around but that's just not the kind of going out I need to do. I need to go out with people of the male persuasion.
I'm very good being single. I LIKE it what way. But being single (for whatever reason you choose and the reason I choose) doesn't mean that you don't date. For a large chunk of my adult life, specifically since I graduated from college and came home, I haven't done that much. Oh yes, there were a few guys I kicked it with but they've been far and few between...and it sucks. Don't ask me why I'm not dating: No, I'm not perfect but I like to believe that I'm a good woman who like everyone else in the world, always has little things to work on. Life, after all, is always a work in progress. But, it isn't always fun to work and just hang out with my girls. So see, this isn't a case of just that kind of "Celibacy Blues."
I wonder how many women are having this...issue? And for those who aren't, where are they meeting men? Its not even that I'm going on this hunt, but I'm a woman so I like to keep my eyes open for pieces of yumminess. LOL! I for one NEVER see any brothas (that's what MY eyes are peeled out for) that peek my interest. I know some women who always find men to date; but, I guess you can also question if they're just dating them to say they're dating someone. I want to date but I don't want to waste my time kicking it with dudes who I normally would have ZERO interest in just to say, "Yeah, I'm actively dating." Its not THAT serious.
My last thought is that, maybe this drought is really because I have a BIGGER fish to fry and there's no need for guppies. Those who know my lil bit of business know what I mean and hell, its been posted before so I'm not going to divulge anything else about that. I guess that's a thought too, huh? Can you just IMAGINE!
I don't know but it has put me in a rut and this is something constantly on my mind even when it doesn't seem like it. There have been certain days when I'm feeling a little "down and out" without being able to point out the reason; maybe this IS the reason I feel like that sometimes. I don't know. I just want to get out there and have some fun!! Shit, I'm cute, I'm cool, I'm smart as hell, and I'm funny beyond belief...CAN I LIVE?!?!?!
Oh and that video?? Yeah, I'm running with that too.
So yeah, about the video posted. It is part of my issue...but only PART. I'm a fun person, get along with folks, and all that - I go out a lot and have a GREAT time with my people (PDS crew, my soror-friends crew, and everyone else). But to be honest, I've been feeling kind of "lonely" for lack of a better word (who am I kidding? There is no better word) for the last couple of months. My friends are always around but that's just not the kind of going out I need to do. I need to go out with people of the male persuasion.
I'm very good being single. I LIKE it what way. But being single (for whatever reason you choose and the reason I choose) doesn't mean that you don't date. For a large chunk of my adult life, specifically since I graduated from college and came home, I haven't done that much. Oh yes, there were a few guys I kicked it with but they've been far and few between...and it sucks. Don't ask me why I'm not dating: No, I'm not perfect but I like to believe that I'm a good woman who like everyone else in the world, always has little things to work on. Life, after all, is always a work in progress. But, it isn't always fun to work and just hang out with my girls. So see, this isn't a case of just that kind of "Celibacy Blues."
I wonder how many women are having this...issue? And for those who aren't, where are they meeting men? Its not even that I'm going on this hunt, but I'm a woman so I like to keep my eyes open for pieces of yumminess. LOL! I for one NEVER see any brothas (that's what MY eyes are peeled out for) that peek my interest. I know some women who always find men to date; but, I guess you can also question if they're just dating them to say they're dating someone. I want to date but I don't want to waste my time kicking it with dudes who I normally would have ZERO interest in just to say, "Yeah, I'm actively dating." Its not THAT serious.
My last thought is that, maybe this drought is really because I have a BIGGER fish to fry and there's no need for guppies. Those who know my lil bit of business know what I mean and hell, its been posted before so I'm not going to divulge anything else about that. I guess that's a thought too, huh? Can you just IMAGINE!
I don't know but it has put me in a rut and this is something constantly on my mind even when it doesn't seem like it. There have been certain days when I'm feeling a little "down and out" without being able to point out the reason; maybe this IS the reason I feel like that sometimes. I don't know. I just want to get out there and have some fun!! Shit, I'm cute, I'm cool, I'm smart as hell, and I'm funny beyond belief...CAN I LIVE?!?!?!
Oh and that video?? Yeah, I'm running with that too.
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