Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's On You...So What Are You Going To Do??

First of all, let's jam real quick to the song and see if you can name five songs in the last five to 10 years that have sampled the beat (song: "Why You Treat Me So Bad" by Club Nouveau). *doing my dance*

Anyway, a topic came up on a messageboard that I read and it's funny that it did because I was just thinking about it. Why do people stay with someone that treats them BAD. No relationship is perfect - that is no secret and we're all well aware of it no matter what your relationship history has been. But when you see the signs from the JUMP, why allow yourself to stay in something and then say, "Well, you can't control who you love and I don't know how to leave." Okay girl, did you not see his asshole-ish behavior a few days in or notice that tinge of an attitude? Homeboy, did you not see that this spoiled brat of a woman was looking for a dude that she could run over? HELLOOOOOO, red flag...someone? Anyone??

Seriously, I know people say that it's "so hard out there" to meet someone but does that mean that you should lower your standards in terms of the essence of the person...just to say you're in a relationship? A few years ago, I met a guy who was seemingly real cool and down to earth. One night after he'd dropped me off from a date and had gotten back to his place (Miss BB LOVES a Harlem man), we ended up talking late into the night. This conversation ended up turning into a full blown ARGUMENT I couldn't believe that I allowed myself to go there just to date him. So we didn't speak for a few days until he called to apologize and I tried again. We dated about three more weeks until yet another argument about some BS ensued and I knew that I'd had more than enough. It just made no sense to me that I would date a dude like that just to say "we dating." I actually saw him over the summer and we went out again b/c it SEEMED like he'd grown up; by the end of the night, I realized he was still the same and we haven't spoken since that day. I may not be all gung-ho ready for a relationship but I also don't waste my time dating people that don't fit who I am.

Why settle? Despite what some of our families and friends may think, it IS okay to be single. It IS okay to know what you want and not settle for less (in this case, I will say that you should be able to give anything you ask for). Sure, you may not like the idea of being by yourself but if you are, you should learn to make the best of it. It absolutely upsets me that people who can do better and deserve better don't see it for themselves. So yes, while that asshole (male or female) you're dating is wrong for being that way to you, you are just as wrong (if not more) for allowing it.

Step Up. Expect Better. Demand Better.

1 comment:

N.O. LADI said...

Girl!!!! I swear you are in my head! Get!! I have friends who are married just for the sake of saying they are married. I don't wanna settle. Why should I have to? That just seems insane. I never saw myself as the marrying kind...but now I am feeling that itch more and more. But I want a lifelong partner, the love of my life...and I wanna be his. Is that so wrong? I make and follow my own rules. When family members ask me when I am I gonna get married and have kids, I respond with "When God sends him to me, then I will do all of that and more...but def in that order." My smart ass responses always shut that convo!