Friday, December 12, 2008

Circle Gets the Square?????

Drunk Dialing. Drunk Texting. Speaking wildly thanks to the truth serum. These are things I never do. EVER. Even when I've had one too many drinks (which, admittedly, is never too often), I'm always very in control of what I say and what I do - especially if I know I've had a couple of drinks. A couple of days ago, we had our annual holiday party and the open bar had the liquids flowing. Since it was an early party, I got home at a very decent hour and decided to see what the FP was doing. He didn't answer so I went on about my evening.

The next day I sent him a text saying something to the effect of, "You should have called me back. I may have had a couple drinks in me and wanted to talk crazy to you. You missed it!" His response? "Booooooooooooooo." Aroo?? Okay, FP...if you say so! So, we spoke last night and well into our conversation about everything and nothing, I bought it up to him. He was like, "You wouldn't have said a thing. Not at all. You never do." Here I am, trying to defend my random (and not too often) acts of phone debauchery with a lame ass response of "You don't know! I come out of the blue sometimes with it." He's clearly blank staring me over the phone...and laughing at me too (or so I believe).

I left it alone for awhile but it got me to thinking: Does the FP think I'm some kind of lame when it comes to...intimate matters? There have been times when we may have discussed GENERAL sexual topics but I haven't tapped too much into stuff about me. Why? I don't know for sure. It could be that at one point (not anymore AT ALL), I was a little intimidated by him and was hesitant to "share." Now, its one of those topics that just doesn't come up often - we seem to steer clear of sexual topics for the most part (or I do). But does this give the FP the impression that I'm some kind of SQUARE? While it would be an incorrect assumption, I can't help but think about it.

Growing up (and I've fast forwarded to my teenage years and for this post, high school is the "growing up" years), I wasn't into boys that much. It was all about getting the hell out of high school so I could go away to college. Suffice it to say, I started a bit later than all the girls I knew. While I had much share of fun, I've never been that "fly off at the mouth" kind of woman who has something sexually fresh to say randomly and most definitely NOT to a guy I really like. I flirt a lot but its never raunchy or anything. There's a big part of me that is kind of conservative in that respect. There's no fear of what will happen if I do say something off the wall but it has never been part of my persona. I do, however, give props the women who (which respect and some kind of dignity or couth) can do that - especially to a brother they're digging.

Anyway, I know that I can't make a change overnight into a "Talk yo shit" sexual butterfly (and not to toot too or beep beep my own horn but we are ONLY talking about VERBAL convo here - not the act. LOL!!!), I'm wondering if I should say little slick things here. But I don't know if that would work because (1) I'm not trying to put that kind of dumb ass pressure on myself and (2) maybe its a good idea to let him continue thinking that way. I was talking to a friend of mine last week about it and when I mentioned my thoughts of being a "square," she told me that was the wrong word and I come across more wholesome than anything - even in person. If that's the case, I can absolutely live with that. I don't mind if people think I'm this goody goody who can't get down with the get down when she need to! So, maybe it IS alright...but just to be "wholesome looking." Yes we're just friends and yes, its all platonic but I don't want him to think I'm a square - that's a turn off. No, not him.

Then again, what if these assumptions are all wrong? What if the tone I though I heard when he said, "...Not at all. You never do," wasn't really a tone at all?

I could really just be buggin...

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