Go For What You Know.

So, I was on the train this morning coming down from Syracuse when this young lady got on with a semi-heavy bag. Now, it was packed but didn't look completely heavy but she makes this statement, "UGH, this thing is like a million pounds." Now, SPOTTED to the right of her and one row back was a guy sitting there with his magazine ready for the train to pull off. He'd just helped this older woman and her granddaughter put their bag up in the rack; all the while, the granddaughter was staring at him with a lil schoolgirl smile (another post for another day but there are few Joe Schmo white boys that i find cute on site...none really, I don't think). So he sees her "struggling," asks if she'd like some help with her bag, to which she replied, "I'd really love some help...I've got all of Christmas in here." Great, he helps her and goes back to his seat (right across the aisle from me and my mom) and she sits right in front of us.

Now, the train attendant is coming down the aisle checking tickets and tells a person who has their bag in an empty seat, "I'm going to have to ask you to move your bag overhead because there are going to be about 300 people on this train. *RING THE ALARM* Miss Heavy Bags hears this and turns to Mr. Blue Eyes and says, "Hey do you wanna share a seat? There's probably going to be about 300 people on the train." At first he looks a bit thrown off but the words that came out of his mouth were, "You want the window or the aisle?" She goes to sit, conversation begins, and I fall asleep.

WELL, CHECKMATE Miss Heavy Bags!! As Lucky always tells me, "BB, a closed mouth does not get fed." I agree with her but I also believe that if a guy sees me, why can't he come talk to me? Yes, I have fallen, for the most part, the societal belief that men should be the ones who should approach the women. Now, I may give a little eye contact or the "bat signal" that it's okay to come over but I will bot be the approacher. If it turns out that I am, it certainly was not the original intention. I do wonder sometimes if I've missed out on a date here and there because of my quietness but overall, I don't really care. Then again, Miss Heavy Bags appears to have rocked out and made it happen...at 7am!

So, even though some have been doing this for years, I raise the question: Women approaching men - is that what's going to be hot in the '09?

By the way, my mom told me (the lil nosey bee she is - she thought it was cute that the girl pushed her way over) that they were both artists but Miss Heavy Bags was talking about her man and Mr. Blue Eyes was talking about someone he was going to meet at his stop (somewhere upstate). When they were close to his stop, she was typing on her phone and he started reciting his number when she said, "Oh I was just texting my sister" and that was that. So, there ended up not being a love connection!

Back to the question...

Women approaching men - is that what's going to be hot in the '09?

It's Christmas!

Well, tomorrow is Christmas Day!!! I finally got into the Christmas spirit when my co-workers opened their gifts and were completely excited about them. I tend to not ask for lists instead preferring to listen intensely and remembering what they said during that time. I think that adds to the excitement of it all when someone didn't ask for something, never knew you were listening, and they LOVED the gift. I JUST sent FP's gift today and I'm sure it'll come in handy. Others will be late if I send them at all and if I don't, well HEY. That brings me to the point of this quick post.

I do believe Christmas '09 will be canceled for everyone but children and people that I REALLY see fit to give. With the new addition to my family (my nephew was born in January), he was pretty much at the top of the list but he also has a brother, a sister and a mother. My mom and I are going up to see him (my brother lives up there too for now - another story for another day) in the morning so it would be completely uncouth of us to NOT take them anything. But when I say I have dug deep in to my pockets, I am NOT playing. Laaaaaaaaawd, I have spent SO much money since Friday that it makes no sense. I cannot do this next year - unless I'm making A LOT more money and stay within the amount I spent. Woooo Chile!

Okay, that's all I wanted to say. BUT, I am still in the holiday spirit! Here are a few songs I love (the first one is from a movie that came out during the holidays but it isn't a Christmas song) and Merry Christmas:

Remember this (I had to use the movie clip b/c the other videos won't let me post here):



"Give Love":



Ohhhhhh and we will NOT forget Donny:

Music Snob Review: Anthony Hamilton, "The Point of It All"

I had no doubt. I wasn't even worried about it not being great. Even when I said to myself, "Why the hell did he put David Banner on this song," did I have any doubt that Anthony Hamilton's new cd "The Point of it All" would have not only been worth the wait but worth my money. Yes, I've had a copy of the cd since before it was actually released but this Anthony is always worth me dropping a couple of dollars.

The cd opens with "The News," which in true Anthony fashion, discusses the hardships of today's times. I know we look for him to do love songs but I always really enjoy his socially conscious songs as well. But be clear, after "The News," it is time to make babies. Real Talk. He begins by telling a woman he loves her just the way she is on "Diamond in the Rough" but apparently it just doesn't work out the way he expects because on "Hard to Breathe," he speaks on how he loved her so deep and got caught up, that he sees her in every other woman now that they've broken up. It is one of those songs (produced by Mark Batson, whom Anthony has worked with on "Charlene" and other hits) that you hear how painful it is and makes you want to sing the pain away right along with him - like I do when I'm listening to it on REPEAT...on the train.

The title track, "The Point of It All," is very simple, but beautiful. When you hear him say, "My day seems long whenever we're apart...its like someone has stole away my heart," you KNOW he means every word of it. How? Simple. Its because ANTHONY DAMN HAMILTON says, "...and the point of it all is I LOVE YOU/The Reason for it All is I LOVE YOU." The way this man sings, you will believe everything he says and that's it.

I could really go into the reason why I love every track but I won't. Instead, let me just say that you MUST tune into "Her Heart." Anthony is telling a story of his woman (and possibly, the women in his past whilst on this musical journey) stood by him no matter how many times it hurt him to be gone or not pay as much attention to her as he once did. But he says that, HER HEART won't let him lose her. Its a beautiful song of how often times we want to do the right thing and think we are (sans cheating, lying and other mess), it still hurts the one we love but the essence of that person won't let us leave them. Mmph, mmph, mmph...tell the truth!

If you haven't noticed yet, this is a "Please RUN and BUY this cd" post...do not bootleg it!!! Oh, and I got to have a quick convo with him at work about his music and he told me: God is Good and always working for me to do this and have people like you love it." TELL IT!

Oh, one final note that will push you to get it. The following is in the "Thank Yous" part (isn't that THE BEST part of buying the real thing) where Anthony is speaking to his wife, former background singer (maybe she still sings with them sometimes) and singer, Tarsha McMillan-Hamilton. I think it sums up a lot of the songs on "The Point of It All":

"...God gave me you because He felt I would take care of you and that I would build in you and with you for His glory. I love you woman, with all I understand and that I don't I seek. TO LOVE YOU DEEPER IS WHY I EXIST...

It's On You...So What Are You Going To Do??

First of all, let's jam real quick to the song and see if you can name five songs in the last five to 10 years that have sampled the beat (song: "Why You Treat Me So Bad" by Club Nouveau). *doing my dance*

Anyway, a topic came up on a messageboard that I read and it's funny that it did because I was just thinking about it. Why do people stay with someone that treats them BAD. No relationship is perfect - that is no secret and we're all well aware of it no matter what your relationship history has been. But when you see the signs from the JUMP, why allow yourself to stay in something and then say, "Well, you can't control who you love and I don't know how to leave." Okay girl, did you not see his asshole-ish behavior a few days in or notice that tinge of an attitude? Homeboy, did you not see that this spoiled brat of a woman was looking for a dude that she could run over? HELLOOOOOO, red flag...someone? Anyone??

Seriously, I know people say that it's "so hard out there" to meet someone but does that mean that you should lower your standards in terms of the essence of the person...just to say you're in a relationship? A few years ago, I met a guy who was seemingly real cool and down to earth. One night after he'd dropped me off from a date and had gotten back to his place (Miss BB LOVES a Harlem man), we ended up talking late into the night. This conversation ended up turning into a full blown ARGUMENT about...sex. I couldn't believe that I allowed myself to go there just to date him. So we didn't speak for a few days until he called to apologize and I tried again. We dated about three more weeks until yet another argument about some BS ensued and I knew that I'd had more than enough. It just made no sense to me that I would date a dude like that just to say "we dating." I actually saw him over the summer and we went out again b/c it SEEMED like he'd grown up; by the end of the night, I realized he was still the same and we haven't spoken since that day. I may not be all gung-ho ready for a relationship but I also don't waste my time dating people that don't fit who I am.

Why settle? Despite what some of our families and friends may think, it IS okay to be single. It IS okay to know what you want and not settle for less (in this case, I will say that you should be able to give anything you ask for). Sure, you may not like the idea of being by yourself but if you are, you should learn to make the best of it. It absolutely upsets me that people who can do better and deserve better don't see it for themselves. So yes, while that asshole (male or female) you're dating is wrong for being that way to you, you are just as wrong (if not more) for allowing it.

Step Up. Expect Better. Demand Better.

It Was All Good Just a Week Ago

The Single Life happens sometimes by choice, by circumstance or if you're like me, a little bit of both. I'll get into that for another day because it isn't the FULL purpose of today's blog (it is in a roundabout way but I digress).

I live in the hottest apartment in the building...by far. I've always assumed that it probably was since I moved in a couple years ago but my super confirmed it last year: "Oh my GAH!! Why is so hot in heaaaa? Jessis Christ. Its not dis hot anywhere else in di building." He has a thick Puerto Rican accent so I wanted you to get the full flavor. Anyway, I went out in the snow last year to buy a fan because I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I had a plan this year after I got my air conditioners: I would leave them in during the winter and the little draft that would come in would balance out the mountains of heat that comes in the apartment (no, I cannot regulate my own heat). Well, we had the coldest day ever like a week and a half ago so I took the ACs out. Now, its BLAZING in here.

So, now I'm sick and have been all week. Because it is so hot in here, I've had to resort back to the fan and sleeping under it. I can't let the window open because I live on a noisy street and would never fall asleep. This has resulted in body aches, loss of voice, ears hurting, etc. I can't sleep without the fan and haven't put the ACs back in yet.

I hate being sick and having to take care of myself! My mom lives up the block but I will not burden her with this small thing (she's called everyday to check on me though). With the way I'm feeling, it would be nice if I had a lil friend or something come over here so that I could lay up under him and have him take care of me (I don't think I'm contagious...just a lil cold). In a perfect world, that would have happened a couple times this week. I ran out of Theraflu earlier this week and in my Target run for Christmas gifts for my nephew and his brother and sister, I forgot to get it. It would have been nice if...well, you get the picture.

Anyway, I really enjoy The Single Life overall. But this week, it has SUCKED.

The M Word.

When I was young, I said I was going to be married by the time I was 25. Two kids before I was 30 so I could be a young mother and STILL FLY. Yessir, I was going to be DOING IT.

By the time I was 17, I wasn't even thinking about that. I was concerned with going to college, starting my career, taking OVER my industry, and doing what I needed to for ME. I figured I would have a relationship or two along the way. To this day, I'm still not pressed about marriage; I would like to be married one day but it isn't at the top of my "Things To Do" list. I believe its out of MY hands anyway and someone else will have a greater plan. I know many women who are on "both sides," some saying "I need to be married" and others like, "Mmhmmph, yeah. Well, WHATEVER."

But what about the men and where they stand on this? I never had conversations with boys when I was in high school (or college, for that matter) which ultimately resulting in them saying, "Yoooo, I'm DYING to find that woman for me and settle down and do the marriage thing." Not once. EVER. While I never assumed that they didn't ever want to be married, I just thought their main purpose in the 18-23 age range was to meet chicks and sleep with them. *shrugs* It just really seemed like their "life mission" and really, that was okay with me if they thought that way.

But getting older, what about the men who have, so they believe and maybe rightfully so, found the right woman and are ready to make it official? *cue Jagged Edge* I mean, they are so serious about it and won't hear of any other conversation unless it is about setting the date. I'm talking about the man who is *no lie* giving his woman an ULTIMATUM. On some, "We been together long enough and I'm ready to make it official....quit bullshitting." In some cases, the couples might be living together or the woman might not be ready yet (true story).

I took this very REAL scenario to my job for conversation with the guys and they were STUMPED. A man giving his girl an ultimatum about MARRIAGE? Unheard of and frankly, quite absurd according to a couple of them. I did get a response which went something like, "Well if I have to offer her a fucking ultimatum about marriage, I need to get the hell out of that relationship." It seems as though, from observation and conversation, that once a MAN is ready for marriage, he has no time or patience for all the other bullshit. They are READY and this is final. No other words to be spoken, no other need for discussion. Let's skip the "small talk" and cut right to the chase.

My opinion: When men are ready, they just are. I think that some men might be so dumbfounded that a WOMAN is not jumping at the offer to "put a ring on it," that they jump with the "Let's do it or let me move on." I think its funny, definitely, but don't know that it is wrong per se, because women do it all the time when they are ready to marry the "man of their dreams."

It sure is interesting.

Thoughts?

Circle Gets the Square?????

Drunk Dialing. Drunk Texting. Speaking wildly thanks to the truth serum. These are things I never do. EVER. Even when I've had one too many drinks (which, admittedly, is never too often), I'm always very in control of what I say and what I do - especially if I know I've had a couple of drinks. A couple of days ago, we had our annual holiday party and the open bar had the liquids flowing. Since it was an early party, I got home at a very decent hour and decided to see what the FP was doing. He didn't answer so I went on about my evening.

The next day I sent him a text saying something to the effect of, "You should have called me back. I may have had a couple drinks in me and wanted to talk crazy to you. You missed it!" His response? "Booooooooooooooo." Aroo?? Okay, FP...if you say so! So, we spoke last night and well into our conversation about everything and nothing, I bought it up to him. He was like, "You wouldn't have said a thing. Not at all. You never do." Here I am, trying to defend my random (and not too often) acts of phone debauchery with a lame ass response of "You don't know! I come out of the blue sometimes with it." He's clearly blank staring me over the phone...and laughing at me too (or so I believe).

I left it alone for awhile but it got me to thinking: Does the FP think I'm some kind of lame when it comes to...intimate matters? There have been times when we may have discussed GENERAL sexual topics but I haven't tapped too much into stuff about me. Why? I don't know for sure. It could be that at one point (not anymore AT ALL), I was a little intimidated by him and was hesitant to "share." Now, its one of those topics that just doesn't come up often - we seem to steer clear of sexual topics for the most part (or I do). But does this give the FP the impression that I'm some kind of SQUARE? While it would be an incorrect assumption, I can't help but think about it.

Growing up (and I've fast forwarded to my teenage years and for this post, high school is the "growing up" years), I wasn't into boys that much. It was all about getting the hell out of high school so I could go away to college. Suffice it to say, I started a bit later than all the girls I knew. While I had much share of fun, I've never been that "fly off at the mouth" kind of woman who has something sexually fresh to say randomly and most definitely NOT to a guy I really like. I flirt a lot but its never raunchy or anything. There's a big part of me that is kind of conservative in that respect. There's no fear of what will happen if I do say something off the wall but it has never been part of my persona. I do, however, give props the women who (which respect and some kind of dignity or couth) can do that - especially to a brother they're digging.

Anyway, I know that I can't make a change overnight into a "Talk yo shit" sexual butterfly (and not to toot too or beep beep my own horn but we are ONLY talking about VERBAL convo here - not the act. LOL!!!), I'm wondering if I should say little slick things here. But I don't know if that would work because (1) I'm not trying to put that kind of dumb ass pressure on myself and (2) maybe its a good idea to let him continue thinking that way. I was talking to a friend of mine last week about it and when I mentioned my thoughts of being a "square," she told me that was the wrong word and I come across more wholesome than anything - even in person. If that's the case, I can absolutely live with that. I don't mind if people think I'm this goody goody who can't get down with the get down when she need to! So, maybe it IS alright...but just to be "wholesome looking." Yes we're just friends and yes, its all platonic but I don't want him to think I'm a square - that's a turn off. No, not him.

Then again, what if these assumptions are all wrong? What if the tone I though I heard when he said, "...Not at all. You never do," wasn't really a tone at all?

I could really just be buggin...

Trading Places...Oh Yeah?

First, I do apologize for the neglect! Not only have I been super busy at work and tired as hell when I'm not there...I just haven't had anything to say. But I digress and get to the point.

I was just watching Usher's video for "Trading Places" and singing my heart out as per usual - hitting the high note when he gets to the bridge - and I started thinking, "Oh really Usher??" First, I'm going to assume that he and the lady he's singing to have been together for some time but for the purpose of this here post, we're going to assume they haven't been together for long and this might even be their first date.

Let's discuss etiquette, shall we? While I'm the first to admit that I have never asked a guy out on a first date and don't anticipate doing so despite saying that I would, I find it to be kind of interesting and quite frankly, very bold of women who ask men out on first dates. GOOD FOR YOU!! I'm not knocking it at all because they have the balls to do something I don't...I'm too shy when it comes to men. Personally, I don't deal well with rejection and would be forced to retreat into my hole if he said no.

But anyway, about this "Trading Places" thing. Okay, so I ask you out on the date and say yes...now I gotta come ring the doorbell which is FINE...but I have to WAIT ON YOU? Pause. Fool, I'm a very timely person and if you cannot be ready by the time I get there, I'm going to be pissed. I mean ILL, why the hell can't you be ready when I get there? You're not putting on mkae-up or doing your hair!

So we're leaving for our date...I have to open your CAR DOOR. What the hell? What kind of chivalry were YOU (by the way, "you" is actually the guy being talked about on the date or use Usher if you need a visual) taught. I am NOT opening your damn door - you still need to be opening my door and I can still reach over and open yours. Miss me with it. So let me state that while I do believe that whoever asks the person out on the date is SUPPOSED to be the one who pays, I've never known a man who hasn't paid for a woman...even if she asks him out. So, while you wouldn't be crossed of "the list," I woud most certainly be like, "Is this a test or something? Whyyyyyyyy amI paying for him? I don't care that this is a first date."

What kind of man is this Usher is talking about? I'm thoroughly confused and while I know he says that "You been me...I been you. we gon swtich...this thang back...," I don't like it. NOt one bit. This man sounds either a bit "soft" or like a man who is used to being catered to by some woman or women. I don't have the time off day for it. In a sense, I suppose I'm old fashioned or traditional but I feel some kind of way about the first date. I just don't believe the woman should pay - even if she did ask the man. Oh well and oh well! I mean, I just think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Now, if we've been dating for a little while (no, that does not read "if we've been dating a year," lol), I have absolutely no problem AT ALL with paying for a date. I mean, that's just what's cool for me. Further, I have no problem telling him in a movie how bad I wanna "do him" or "getting on top." I mean, we gotta have some fun, don't we? *wink* That's beauty of dating someone for some time. We get to do things for EACH OTHER...because we want to.

But, the first date and in the very beginning? AB-SO-LUTE-LY NOT. Sue me. Oh well and oh well!