Friday, October 17, 2008

My Queens Connection

*WARNING* I've previewed the post and its long. I guarantee this is a good read but if you don't have time, stop now. Don't say I didn't warn you...

I met Far Rock when I was 18 and a freshman in college. I'd seen him walking around the campus before and thought he was from NY (we went to school in Mississippi) but didn't know for sure until we officially met. He worked in Admissions and saw my name and home address so he sent a letter to my house in Brooklyn which my mom read to me. The first time we spoke was over the phone and for three hours. We finally met up at our campus' pool hall and as soon as I met him, I "knew." I was quite the late bloomer and didn't involve myself in boys in high school so it was not hard to tell that Far Rock would be my first...everything. I'd kissed a boy when I was 14 but I was GROWN now and kissing is quite different in college.

We were friends. As part of the "NY Crew" which consisted of only like six people, including me who was the only girl and the only one from Brooklyn, we were all very cool. Far Rock and the NY Crew were also part of a bigger "clique," that included my brother (we're not blood but we've been claiming each other for 10 years so people believe us) and my cousin (same thing as my brother), who DJed around the city and were VERY popular. I'm rambling...let's get back on track.

Far Rock and I would talk for HOURS about everything and though we would get "fresh" on the phone (he's Haitian and would get really beside himself in Creole), I loved that he was my friend more than anything. I didn't know when but I knew that being a virgin for much longer was NOT going to be in my cards. When we came home for Christmas, he came to my house to see me a few times and we'd get to whatever base that is that consists of kissing and heavy petting (what a slowpoke I was...that's probably first base). It was VERY cool. Once break was over, my mother got me on the pill because she's no dummy and knew what was bound to happen. Three weeks later, it did. I didn't know any better at the time so I thought that having sex with someone now changed the nature of your "Friendship." I asked him "what this meant" and he told me that we were still friends. First lesson learned.

I would learn so much from him over time. The weeks following our "encounter," he wouldn't call as much and my feelings would be hurt. Mama BB told me that I was wasting too much time on him and if I had a problem with the way he treated me, I would need to speak up. I did but not much changed so our friendship suffered within about a month or two. We pretty much stopped speaking until August when we tried to be friends again. But it wouldn't get easier. As fate would have it, I was roommates with the girl he was dating at the time and would be come his girlfriend the same year and later his fiancee (they didn't marry). Yeah, tough times indeed. Because of the situation, we never really became friends again.

Senior year was when we started to get "back to the middle." My parents were divorcing and not only had he met them, he'd heard me talk about how I wished that would have happened years ago. He was around to listen and if he wanted to talk about anything, I was there as well. He was still with his girlfriend at the time but we were cool and we spoke for awhile after graduation. Convos started to be more infrequent since he was engaged at that point. No hard feelings here though because I was happy for him. Plus, we always made the joke that we'd probably always fall back into our "comfortable" state (minus sex) unless one of us got married. LOL!! So, we stopped speaking for awhile.

A couple years later, he sent me an IM on Yahoo and since he didn't get married and they'd broken up, we were comfortable again. He spent a few years after graduation in MS but had recently come back home to NY for a "change." Neither of us were working at the time and since Far Rock is a workout buff, he was actually my trainer for a few months. It reminded me of old EVERY way. Alas, it would come to an end because soon after we started training, I got a job at my current company.

We'd still talk and all was still good. I always looked out for him if I could and I loved the friendship that we'd grown to have. A few months later, however, I noticed that we were regressing. Like many who met me when I was 18, Far Rock still saw me as that girl and not the then 25 year old woman I'd become. I didn't always feel like he respected me and that was a problem. In my mind, that was never going to change so on Mother's Day 2006, I ended our "relationship." To me, my feelings being as hurt as they were came close to a heartbreak. I loved Far Rock as a friend for eight years and didn't see how we could not be friends anymore. Still, it was what was necessary for me to take care of myself. He'd taught me alot about men and whether or not he knows it, Far Rock has taught me just about everything I need to know about bullshit when it comes to guys. I know everything I do because of him and some of his ways. I even loved him for that. During the breakup, I told him I loved him and didn't want to do it this way but I had to. He responded that there's no way I could if I was going to end the friendship. He told me if I really felt that way then there was nothing else he could do, told me to tell my mom happy mother's day for him and told me to "be good." WHAT?! You're not going to fight for this friendship that was so special to ME???? In that moment, I believed that the only one who thought we had a real friendship was me.

We've seen each other over the last two years at parties and I've always been cordial because despite the "breakup," I've never hated him. Also, I was no longer mad so why act like it? A couple of months ago, he sent me a message and told me that although we don't speak he thinks of me often and considers me a friend. Further, he said I've remained the same person at heart and he admired me for that. Could it be? Was Far Rock having a "near 30" breakthrough and saw that he lost a true friend? No matter the reason, I responded and told him that we could definitely work on becoming friends again. I saw a new person - a person who saw me as a now 28 year old woman and I appreciated that.

But, Far Rock might think he's going to get comfortable again. He told me last week that maybe during homecoming (next week...let's go Tigers!!), I could come "hook up with him." Have I been punked? I thought that we were just trying to be friends again. I ended the friendship for a reason two years ago and am not willing to go back down the road of plain ole familiarity. Am I thinking too much? Should I just allow him to be my ESIG? Though we've had a 10 year roller coaster ride, I've learned to take away the emotion. But still, those are some long ties and I don't think or know that is necessary.

In any case, I'll keep you posted. Sorry for being so long but this has been on my mind. I'll have some real light hearted stuff later.

Goodness...this Queens Connection.


Anonymous said...

i liked this post. Personally I feel that maybe you shouldn't get involved again with him even if it is a just being friends. You all don't stay in that zone so I don't suggest going there.

Please give updates if things change.

Janelle said...

You did what you had to do 2 years ago for a reason. Remember those reasons. I'm not telling you to not be his friend but be a friend on YOUR terms not his. You set the tone, the conditions, the boundaries that you feel comfortable in.

Ps the post wasn't "too long" because it was so engaging. Never apologize for length when the content is so worth the read ;)

N.O. LADI said...

LMAO @ ESIG!!! Gotta love that term! I know you did what you did two years ago for a reason. 10 years is a long time...and I don't honestly know if the emotion can be taken out of it. I say keep it on the friend level with him. FR seems like he wants to get too comfortable too quickly! Tread lightly, chick!!!

LovinMe4Me said...

Hey, 1st of all it wasn't long you were expressing yourself...As for Far Rock, I know you have feelings for this dude because of the history but don't fall into the old feeling trap (it happens to the best of us).....You do what you feel is best for Miss BB, just be honest with your feelings.