Monday, May 18, 2009


I've been away. I actually went to Atlanta over the weekend to see the FP (I saw a friend of mine there but the purpose of the trip was to see the FP)! Surprised? Or have I already mentioned it? Either way, I went and had a nice time in Atlanta. More and more I like that place; I have o thoughts/plans on moving there, but I like it. If I ever HAD to go somewhere else, I think that would be it.

Anyway, the FP and I had a little talk. The details of it all are unnecessary but it was a very important convo, kind of about where we stand. I got some answers - not any that shocked me or made me grin from ear to ear or make me turn my nose up - to some questions that I asked. When it comes to us, I don't know that I have full answers on what I want it to be. Things have happened that I haven't been pleased with and he hasn't been pleased with but yet, we continue on.

So, I was talking to The Cheerleader a little while ago and she said, "You don't see yourselves the way others see you." Hmmm. But I am a confident person - we both acknowledge that. She (and others) think I'm dope. EYE think I'm dope. She (and others) think I'm super smart and super funny. EYE think I'm super smart and super funny. She (and others) think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. Eye think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. She (and others) think I have a bangin' body. Hmm, well depending on what day (and how I'm feeling about my weight that day, lol) it is, EYE think I have a bangin' body. Basically everything The Cheerleader thinks about me I think I think about of myself. But I think maybe he point is that I don't BELIEVE the things I think it because if I DID see how dope I was, I wouldn't allow myself to be such an emotional wreck.

I would allow myself to figure out what I really want from the FP and maybe with or without his input (people give you signs all the time, you just have to decide if you'll take them or not) and tell him the way it's going to have to be if I saw the things that she and others see in me.

That if I saw myself the way others see me this would have been over a few months ago.

Or, if I saw myself the way others see me I would put me and all I got on the line and tell him whatever thoughts I have...and it might end up working out positively.

That if I saw myself the way others see me, I would see things a lot more clearly.

Why am I so confused.

Drenna Note* This is absolutely NOT some type of attack on the FP - I'd never do that on here. Though he's half the subject, this post almost isn't even about him. Perhaps him being involved is just a catalyst.

1 comment:

N.O. LADI said...

Inner reflection is hard. Cause it is not hard to see yourself the way others see you. But, sometimes it is hard to believe your own hype so to speak. Just know that your friends know you the best & see the best in you. Take the time to be your own cheerleader.