"It's hard for me to express myself cuz I can't protect myself if I'm exposed." -"Crutches" by Britney Wilson, New York City Team, Brave New Voices (HBO)
I received a call yesterday from a friend of a very good friend of mine - let's call him Grind. We used to work together and now that we don't, we haven't seen each other as often; furthermore, he's been going through some things so we haven't spoken as much either. Anyway, after exchanging pleasantries, Grind went in on his reason for the call. He wanted to tell me how much he loved me and cared for me. How it's been so great having a person like me in his life who has always had his back and has been like an older sister to him (we're the same age but you know women mature faster in most cases) and he completely appreciates it. Grind took it a step further with, "I just wanted to tell you that because you never know when something might happen and if it should, whatever God you believe in, we need to make sure we save a seat on the other side of Him." Okay, I was starting to freak out a little bit. Grind has always been one that's a tap emotional (but still manly) but it this phone call was going a bit too far. After he was done (and it was much longer than I've shared here), I told him that I loved him too. Before ending the call, Grind told me that he just thinks people don't share how they feel with the people they care the most about enough and you never know when that person won't be there anymore.
After hanging up and calming myself down from the notion that either someone was about to do something to Grind or he was going to hurt himself (I've got my good eye on it, no doubt), I really started to think about what he said. He's so right that people don't often share their feelings with the ones they love the most as it pertains to their relationship. Unfortunately, we see it all too often at funerals and other sad occasions where people are heard saying "Ohhh I loved him/her so much. They were so good to me" and so on and so forth. Why is it that we think it isn't important to tell the people we love how much we love them while they're with us?
Is it because as we get older, we become less attached to our emotions because we're more concerned about the bigger fish we have to fry? Were any of us taught that showing emotion is "weak" and unnecessary? OR, is it because we're scared that by showing our emotion the person(s) will eventually use it against us? Do we think too hard about what people will do with our information or how they will respond to it? Are we justified in not being able to say "these three words" or a variation of them (FTR, the three words are "I love you").
Discuss.
*Drenna Note* This discussion hits close to me and I'll discuss as ya'll discuss in the comments.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
I Choose You
Soooo, I'm at the Drake Drizzy show chillin, getting my "SoFarGone" mixtape on. I'm jammin!
*feels a tap on the shoulder a couple of times*
Man: 'Scuse me, Miss. My girl like your ass.
*blank stare*
Me: Uhhhhhh, thanks.
I turn back around to continue to "enjoy" the show (ya'll know I said it was mediocre but ANYTHING was better than what was being told to me). Of course, at this point I feel like there are sets of eyes of on my behind. I know people look but they usually do so in passing - not just right there GAWKING.
*feels a tap on the shoulder again*
I tried to ignore it this time but I felt it again. I turn around and this time it's the young lady, who'd clearly had her share of libations, dancing with her man and motioning me to come grind with them (a la Spectacular from Pretty Ricky. Haven't seen the video? I'll post it at the end). I tell her, "No thanks, I'm good." She's giving me what SHE assumes is the sexual come hither look and says, "You sure? You really sure you good? Werd." In all politeness I can muster, I simply respond, "Yes thank you. I'm GOOD."
So, they leave me alone and "allow me" to watch a little more of the show before he interrupts me again while I'm speaking to a co-worker. And so it goes:
Me: I was speaking to someone, Sir.
Him: My bad...didn't mean to interrupt. My girl is real attracted to you. For real. WE want to know what's up. What's good?
Me: NO. THANK. YOU. I am not interested. NO.
Him: I'm saying though - we wanna know what's up. You just not down or you not attracted to her? I mean, that's a different story if you're not attracted to her.
Me: *deep sigh* SIR, NO THANK YOU. I AM NOT INTERESTED. I'm GOOOOOD.
We're done with this conversation. Well, EYE am done with this. I had no idea that couples who were down with 3somes were just so open like that. They were NOT discreet and quite loud about it. I've been hit on by women before and I'm just NOT interested. I'm never offended and call me vain but since they've ALL always been cahute, I'm quite flattered. *pops a collar* While this couple would've never gotten a whiff of my goodness, they weren't even much attractive to my eye. So YEAH...NO.
The show was about to be over when Miss Girl decided she was going to try one mo' gin. Mmmhmm, I saw her in my peripheral but luckily her man stopped her before she tapped my shoulder (which would have subsequently ended in a SERIOUS miscommunication) and told her, "Nah, she's not interested. She's not down."
Night OVER.
Ya'll have any "almost chose" stories? Hell, have you engaged? SHARE! Remember, you can do it anonymously.
Here's the video of Sassy Spectacular, just pretend it's a girl with all the grinding (though he's dancing like a woman anyway - hope you can see it):
*feels a tap on the shoulder a couple of times*
Man: 'Scuse me, Miss. My girl like your ass.
*blank stare*
Me: Uhhhhhh, thanks.
I turn back around to continue to "enjoy" the show (ya'll know I said it was mediocre but ANYTHING was better than what was being told to me). Of course, at this point I feel like there are sets of eyes of on my behind. I know people look but they usually do so in passing - not just right there GAWKING.
*feels a tap on the shoulder again*
I tried to ignore it this time but I felt it again. I turn around and this time it's the young lady, who'd clearly had her share of libations, dancing with her man and motioning me to come grind with them (a la Spectacular from Pretty Ricky. Haven't seen the video? I'll post it at the end). I tell her, "No thanks, I'm good." She's giving me what SHE assumes is the sexual come hither look and says, "You sure? You really sure you good? Werd." In all politeness I can muster, I simply respond, "Yes thank you. I'm GOOD."
So, they leave me alone and "allow me" to watch a little more of the show before he interrupts me again while I'm speaking to a co-worker. And so it goes:
Me: I was speaking to someone, Sir.
Him: My bad...didn't mean to interrupt. My girl is real attracted to you. For real. WE want to know what's up. What's good?
Me: NO. THANK. YOU. I am not interested. NO.
Him: I'm saying though - we wanna know what's up. You just not down or you not attracted to her? I mean, that's a different story if you're not attracted to her.
Me: *deep sigh* SIR, NO THANK YOU. I AM NOT INTERESTED. I'm GOOOOOD.
We're done with this conversation. Well, EYE am done with this. I had no idea that couples who were down with 3somes were just so open like that. They were NOT discreet and quite loud about it. I've been hit on by women before and I'm just NOT interested. I'm never offended and call me vain but since they've ALL always been cahute, I'm quite flattered. *pops a collar* While this couple would've never gotten a whiff of my goodness, they weren't even much attractive to my eye. So YEAH...NO.
The show was about to be over when Miss Girl decided she was going to try one mo' gin. Mmmhmm, I saw her in my peripheral but luckily her man stopped her before she tapped my shoulder (which would have subsequently ended in a SERIOUS miscommunication) and told her, "Nah, she's not interested. She's not down."
Night OVER.
Ya'll have any "almost chose" stories? Hell, have you engaged? SHARE! Remember, you can do it anonymously.
Here's the video of Sassy Spectacular, just pretend it's a girl with all the grinding (though he's dancing like a woman anyway - hope you can see it):
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Music Snob: DRAKE
Ohhhhhhhh, Drizzy.
Let me start off by saying that Drake is currently THE MOST talked about, hyped up mainstream rapper we have out right now. No question. He's being considered the most popular rapper without a record deal. If you don't know, Drake is closely associated with Lil Wayne and Young Money Records (rumor has it that he's signed to them) and has been called Weezy's ghostwriter. The self-proclaimed "Lebron James of this game" appears to be ready to take over the industry. While he's NOT the greatest rapper of the decade (and lowkey, he isn't even the greatest rapper of THIS YEAR), he most certainly IS good enough for right now. The music industry needs a change and he brings a semi-fresh approach (sans his constant usage of the words "bitch" and "hoe" to refer to women and his sudden southern accent that I guess he picked up from Wayne and Crew). I DO keep his "SoFarGone" mixtape on repeat on the Zune.
Back to the point.
I was able to check him out last night at SOB's (thanks, Nadler!!) at the Hot97 "Who's Next" live series and was looking forward to a decent show. I've watched the Youtube videos of his live performances and have been quite underwhelmed by his insistence of the crowd singing all his songs rather than him - the one they paid to see. But this is...NEW YORK. He's never performed here and just to keep it funky, you've GOT to come hard with it here (I do believe you should put your all in to every show). So, Drizzy finally comes on the stage. I get his gimmick: he's a cute guy (if you like his type - he doesn't float my boat), he smiles a lot, and he's ALL ABOUT THE LADIES. In his JcPenney-esque outfit, he was all about gunning for the ladies when he stepped up. The girls knew every word that came out of his mouth. They screamed excessively when he said that he "didn't want a hoe but a real GOOD New York city woman." His dj went into some sexual r&b set as the show moved on. Yes, panties were two seconds from being thrown on the stage.
Bun B hit the stage to do "Uptown" with him and really, Drake could've left the stage and let Bun do his thing. As soon he got on the stage, you could feel the "spirit" of UGK about to take over! That was MY highlight. Drizzy did pieces of some other songs and only did "Best I Ever Had" and "Unstoppable" in their entirety. He did NOT do more of the popular songs on the mixtape, including "HoustAtlantaVegas." How WACK!! The show was mediocre, at best, to me. For someone who does a show damn near every other week, you would think that he would work on his stage presence. NOT. He kind of looked like a fish out of water and were it not for all the girls knowing the lyrics, he would have been a lost soul.
We've got work to do, Aubrey Graham (that's Drake - it's his middle name). Let's get that management together and get some MORE artist development going on. I SWEAR it'll help. You want to stick around? Got to put a little more effort into it, homeboy. Get BUSY and take it to another level.
Some of us with a little more common sense about this rap game don't have patience for mediocre people who COULD be better.
I'm watching!!
Let me start off by saying that Drake is currently THE MOST talked about, hyped up mainstream rapper we have out right now. No question. He's being considered the most popular rapper without a record deal. If you don't know, Drake is closely associated with Lil Wayne and Young Money Records (rumor has it that he's signed to them) and has been called Weezy's ghostwriter. The self-proclaimed "Lebron James of this game" appears to be ready to take over the industry. While he's NOT the greatest rapper of the decade (and lowkey, he isn't even the greatest rapper of THIS YEAR), he most certainly IS good enough for right now. The music industry needs a change and he brings a semi-fresh approach (sans his constant usage of the words "bitch" and "hoe" to refer to women and his sudden southern accent that I guess he picked up from Wayne and Crew). I DO keep his "SoFarGone" mixtape on repeat on the Zune.
Back to the point.
I was able to check him out last night at SOB's (thanks, Nadler!!) at the Hot97 "Who's Next" live series and was looking forward to a decent show. I've watched the Youtube videos of his live performances and have been quite underwhelmed by his insistence of the crowd singing all his songs rather than him - the one they paid to see. But this is...NEW YORK. He's never performed here and just to keep it funky, you've GOT to come hard with it here (I do believe you should put your all in to every show). So, Drizzy finally comes on the stage. I get his gimmick: he's a cute guy (if you like his type - he doesn't float my boat), he smiles a lot, and he's ALL ABOUT THE LADIES. In his JcPenney-esque outfit, he was all about gunning for the ladies when he stepped up. The girls knew every word that came out of his mouth. They screamed excessively when he said that he "didn't want a hoe but a real GOOD New York city woman." His dj went into some sexual r&b set as the show moved on. Yes, panties were two seconds from being thrown on the stage.
Bun B hit the stage to do "Uptown" with him and really, Drake could've left the stage and let Bun do his thing. As soon he got on the stage, you could feel the "spirit" of UGK about to take over! That was MY highlight. Drizzy did pieces of some other songs and only did "Best I Ever Had" and "Unstoppable" in their entirety. He did NOT do more of the popular songs on the mixtape, including "HoustAtlantaVegas." How WACK!! The show was mediocre, at best, to me. For someone who does a show damn near every other week, you would think that he would work on his stage presence. NOT. He kind of looked like a fish out of water and were it not for all the girls knowing the lyrics, he would have been a lost soul.
We've got work to do, Aubrey Graham (that's Drake - it's his middle name). Let's get that management together and get some MORE artist development going on. I SWEAR it'll help. You want to stick around? Got to put a little more effort into it, homeboy. Get BUSY and take it to another level.
Some of us with a little more common sense about this rap game don't have patience for mediocre people who COULD be better.
I'm watching!!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tracking & Confirming
A package was sent to me by a friend who makes THE ILLEST and DOPEST soaps, candles, scrubs, and lotions EVER a week ago. I was sooo souped because I was a couple of days from my Atlanta trip and knew I was going to be smelling extra good while down there (you go see a man you're digging, you want to do a lil something "extra"). So, I go to the Post Office and after waiting about seven minutes or so, Spook (the guy at the window) comes back to tell me they can't find the package. I'm sorry, what? I give Spook my phone number as asked and he told me someone would notify me as soon as it was found. I get to work (late now after waiting for no reason) and immediately receive a voicemail from a cell phone number; it was Spook saying they'd found my package and to come get it. I was a little confused about why he called from a cell phone number but figured that it might have been the closest phone to him at the time.
Will someone PLEASE tell me why this same man called me the NEXT AFTERNOON (I, of course, didn't recognize the number but I still answered the phone)?! After Spook identified himself, he said, "I'm calling to ask you out on a date." I was in SHOCK. COMPLETELY. We had about a one minute convo where I told him that wasn't possible b/c I have a boyfriend (yes, a LIE but I always feel the need to give a reason when I'm COMPLETELY unattracted to the man) and he, in turn, told me that is NOT what he wanted to here but I have a fan at the post office. Oh. Okay then.
A co-worker of mine told me, after I'd re-enacted what had just occurred, that had he been more "my type," that I wouldn't have had a problem with that call. Oh, and that I never know where I'll meet my husband. FAIL. Even if he had been my "type," which changes all the time (I just like what I like in the moment), I would have been completely spooked out (hence, his nickname) because of his abuse of power in terms of using my number. If Spook needed to speak to me so bad and couldn't do it upon my return to the post office, he should have slipped a little note with my package. You do not call a number that you should no longer have (which was written on the paper that had a copy of my package slip which had my address on it) just to try to find you a date. Helllooooo?? Stalker tendencies anyone?! No, he was not attractive to me and in fact, after seeing him for so many years at the PO I thought he was gay, but that wasn't even the point. You don't wild out like that! I decided not to call a manager about that "situation" but had he called again, I most definitely would have taken action. PLEASE BELIEVE IT.
There are a million ways to meet someone, people. THIS is a clear example of what NOT to do.
BTW, never know where I'll meet my husband? I definitely don't think I'm there yet. Woo sah!!
Will someone PLEASE tell me why this same man called me the NEXT AFTERNOON (I, of course, didn't recognize the number but I still answered the phone)?! After Spook identified himself, he said, "I'm calling to ask you out on a date." I was in SHOCK. COMPLETELY. We had about a one minute convo where I told him that wasn't possible b/c I have a boyfriend (yes, a LIE but I always feel the need to give a reason when I'm COMPLETELY unattracted to the man) and he, in turn, told me that is NOT what he wanted to here but I have a fan at the post office. Oh. Okay then.
A co-worker of mine told me, after I'd re-enacted what had just occurred, that had he been more "my type," that I wouldn't have had a problem with that call. Oh, and that I never know where I'll meet my husband. FAIL. Even if he had been my "type," which changes all the time (I just like what I like in the moment), I would have been completely spooked out (hence, his nickname) because of his abuse of power in terms of using my number. If Spook needed to speak to me so bad and couldn't do it upon my return to the post office, he should have slipped a little note with my package. You do not call a number that you should no longer have (which was written on the paper that had a copy of my package slip which had my address on it) just to try to find you a date. Helllooooo?? Stalker tendencies anyone?! No, he was not attractive to me and in fact, after seeing him for so many years at the PO I thought he was gay, but that wasn't even the point. You don't wild out like that! I decided not to call a manager about that "situation" but had he called again, I most definitely would have taken action. PLEASE BELIEVE IT.
There are a million ways to meet someone, people. THIS is a clear example of what NOT to do.
BTW, never know where I'll meet my husband? I definitely don't think I'm there yet. Woo sah!!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Reflection
I've been away. I actually went to Atlanta over the weekend to see the FP (I saw a friend of mine there but the purpose of the trip was to see the FP)! Surprised? Or have I already mentioned it? Either way, I went and had a nice time in Atlanta. More and more I like that place; I have o thoughts/plans on moving there, but I like it. If I ever HAD to go somewhere else, I think that would be it.
Anyway, the FP and I had a little talk. The details of it all are unnecessary but it was a very important convo, kind of about where we stand. I got some answers - not any that shocked me or made me grin from ear to ear or make me turn my nose up - to some questions that I asked. When it comes to us, I don't know that I have full answers on what I want it to be. Things have happened that I haven't been pleased with and he hasn't been pleased with but yet, we continue on.
So, I was talking to The Cheerleader a little while ago and she said, "You don't see yourselves the way others see you." Hmmm. But I am a confident person - we both acknowledge that. She (and others) think I'm dope. EYE think I'm dope. She (and others) think I'm super smart and super funny. EYE think I'm super smart and super funny. She (and others) think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. Eye think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. She (and others) think I have a bangin' body. Hmm, well depending on what day (and how I'm feeling about my weight that day, lol) it is, EYE think I have a bangin' body. Basically everything The Cheerleader thinks about me I think I think about of myself. But I think maybe he point is that I don't BELIEVE the things I think it because if I DID see how dope I was, I wouldn't allow myself to be such an emotional wreck.
I would allow myself to figure out what I really want from the FP and maybe with or without his input (people give you signs all the time, you just have to decide if you'll take them or not) and tell him the way it's going to have to be if I saw the things that she and others see in me.
That if I saw myself the way others see me this would have been over a few months ago.
Or, if I saw myself the way others see me I would put me and all I got on the line and tell him whatever thoughts I have...and it might end up working out positively.
That if I saw myself the way others see me, I would see things a lot more clearly.
Why am I so confused.
Drenna Note* This is absolutely NOT some type of attack on the FP - I'd never do that on here. Though he's half the subject, this post almost isn't even about him. Perhaps him being involved is just a catalyst.
Anyway, the FP and I had a little talk. The details of it all are unnecessary but it was a very important convo, kind of about where we stand. I got some answers - not any that shocked me or made me grin from ear to ear or make me turn my nose up - to some questions that I asked. When it comes to us, I don't know that I have full answers on what I want it to be. Things have happened that I haven't been pleased with and he hasn't been pleased with but yet, we continue on.
So, I was talking to The Cheerleader a little while ago and she said, "You don't see yourselves the way others see you." Hmmm. But I am a confident person - we both acknowledge that. She (and others) think I'm dope. EYE think I'm dope. She (and others) think I'm super smart and super funny. EYE think I'm super smart and super funny. She (and others) think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. Eye think I'm pretty or cute or some variation of that. She (and others) think I have a bangin' body. Hmm, well depending on what day (and how I'm feeling about my weight that day, lol) it is, EYE think I have a bangin' body. Basically everything The Cheerleader thinks about me I think I think about of myself. But I think maybe he point is that I don't BELIEVE the things I think it because if I DID see how dope I was, I wouldn't allow myself to be such an emotional wreck.
I would allow myself to figure out what I really want from the FP and maybe with or without his input (people give you signs all the time, you just have to decide if you'll take them or not) and tell him the way it's going to have to be if I saw the things that she and others see in me.
That if I saw myself the way others see me this would have been over a few months ago.
Or, if I saw myself the way others see me I would put me and all I got on the line and tell him whatever thoughts I have...and it might end up working out positively.
That if I saw myself the way others see me, I would see things a lot more clearly.
Why am I so confused.
Drenna Note* This is absolutely NOT some type of attack on the FP - I'd never do that on here. Though he's half the subject, this post almost isn't even about him. Perhaps him being involved is just a catalyst.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Passin' Me By.
A week ago we had a "Farewell and thanks for all you've done" sendoff for one of our co-workers who'd been at the company for about 20 years. Chief, who left a couple of months ago, was the host for the sendoff for his former boss. As always with him (and the ladies), the topic turned to relationships.
We got into a discussion on how hard it is sometimes for men to talk to women for many different reasons. While I was off in a sub-topic about another "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" conversation, the primary topic was still going on - this time talking about HOW men and women meet. I don't know how it got started but when I tuned in, Tamale was saying that she would never talk to a guy she met on the street. It kind of took everyone by surprise that she said that because we were all wondering (seemingly), "Well how do you meet the men you meet?" Tamale said she preferred to meet men in a lounge (not a club) because it's "easier to talk to a guy there. What are we going to talk about if we meet on the street?" So, the next obvious question was, "Why don't you talk to guys on the street?" Her answer: Those men, in her eyes, are desperate.
Yes, I know...WOW. But we needed to discuss this further because I've never heard that reasoning. Tamale said that there's not a real discussion that you could start with someone you see on the street. Further, "why are those men just standing around waiting to talk to a woman? They're probably trying to talk to every woman that passes by." After we explained to her that we're not talking about homeboy on the corner doing nothing with his life but rather, a guy you might see while you're both walking, she still said "No thank you." For Tamale, it's totally weird to talk to a guy she sees in passing and a guy she meets at a lounge will do. I asked her how she would feel if the guy who was trying to approach her in the street ended up being a guy who was also in the lounge, she shrugged and said, "Oh well. And it would be okay if he didn't want to talk to me anymore either." In ending the conversation, she said that when she's walking she just doesn't want to be bothered - just leave her alone and let her get to her destination. Finally, she added that maybe she grew up in somewhere like Brooklyn, her attitude about it would be different.
Is this an opinion shared by others? Ladies, would you not talk to a man you saw on the street (remember, he's not homeboy standing on the corner)? If so, why not? Gentlemen, would an opinion like this turn you off and have you giving the screw face?
Discuss.
We got into a discussion on how hard it is sometimes for men to talk to women for many different reasons. While I was off in a sub-topic about another "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" conversation, the primary topic was still going on - this time talking about HOW men and women meet. I don't know how it got started but when I tuned in, Tamale was saying that she would never talk to a guy she met on the street. It kind of took everyone by surprise that she said that because we were all wondering (seemingly), "Well how do you meet the men you meet?" Tamale said she preferred to meet men in a lounge (not a club) because it's "easier to talk to a guy there. What are we going to talk about if we meet on the street?" So, the next obvious question was, "Why don't you talk to guys on the street?" Her answer: Those men, in her eyes, are desperate.
Yes, I know...WOW. But we needed to discuss this further because I've never heard that reasoning. Tamale said that there's not a real discussion that you could start with someone you see on the street. Further, "why are those men just standing around waiting to talk to a woman? They're probably trying to talk to every woman that passes by." After we explained to her that we're not talking about homeboy on the corner doing nothing with his life but rather, a guy you might see while you're both walking, she still said "No thank you." For Tamale, it's totally weird to talk to a guy she sees in passing and a guy she meets at a lounge will do. I asked her how she would feel if the guy who was trying to approach her in the street ended up being a guy who was also in the lounge, she shrugged and said, "Oh well. And it would be okay if he didn't want to talk to me anymore either." In ending the conversation, she said that when she's walking she just doesn't want to be bothered - just leave her alone and let her get to her destination. Finally, she added that maybe she grew up in somewhere like Brooklyn, her attitude about it would be different.
Is this an opinion shared by others? Ladies, would you not talk to a man you saw on the street (remember, he's not homeboy standing on the corner)? If so, why not? Gentlemen, would an opinion like this turn you off and have you giving the screw face?
Discuss.
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