Can You Keep a Secret??

About a month and a half ago, I started thinking about trust in terms of the people in my circle. So often, we hear people say how they trust this person and that person - just all willy nilly with it - but I wondered if that was really true. So I decided to do a poll to see where people really stand on it.

Most people were a little speechless at first and could only say, "That's a good ass question. Let me think." After thinking, seven out of 10 people told me they trust three people. Yes, THREE. Here's the thing: I asked them who they could trust with their LIFE. You know how people always say , "I trust XYZ with my life" and be dead serious about? Well, if you really had to, would you really trust all those people you used that phrase on? Some of the people didn't name their very significant other or their parents (those are the ones you would think would generally be on the list, right?) but rather their closest friends. On the lighter end of that same phrase, it simply meant, "How many people do you trust with your innermost secrets?" It was real interesting to see the brain wheels moving and getting REAL answers.

The FP said (and ya'll know he likes to go "deep), "There are quite a few I trust in my circle but I trust them to different levels. There are some I would tell one thing to and not another and - there are just different levels of trust for me. Some people who trust me with their lives and there secrets I wouldn't dare tell my business to" As long winded as it was (okay, not really) , I got the point and actually had two other people who shared a similar opinion.

I, too, came up with three people. I don't think they'd ever let something happen to me and if it did, I could only believe in my "next life" that they did all the could to help. I don't think that by having a certain two, three, five, or 10 people that you choose to fully trust mind, body and soul means you don't like, love or trust in SOME CAPACITY your other friends. I know it's hard to trust people nowadays because people do disappoint you sometimes. But try not to be completely jaded (Lucky uses that word sometimes - I TRY not to); it's just beautiful to have at least one person that you trust with everything.

So...

Who so you TRUST? Are you for sure?

Get It? Got It? GOOD.

"Now what do you keep calling here for? It's OVER! It's OVER!!"

So, I'm walking home and "It's Over" by John Legend comes on. This is, by far, one of my favorite songs on the album because John is jammin on it and I love the beat. For some reason, I start to get angry at the lyrics (which, like all other songs I like, I've already processed a million time) for the first time. I begin to wonder, "Why should this man have to make a damn song about you to realize that the relationship is over?" In fact, why should anyone have to continuously tell a person that a relationship is over? What about "goodbye forever" does a person not understand.

I actually have experience on this one too! When I had that boyfriend of mine eons ago, he did not understand what I meant when I said, "We cannot be together anymore." There was a lot of, "But shorty, I just don't get it" and "You sure there's nothing I can do? I think we should be together" in his return speech. At one point, I was ready to laugh at him because I didn't understand why HE didn't understand what was going on and was going on with these shenanigans. As I was listening to the song, I even thought about that moment and was like, "Damn, so this is the norm?"

But what is it about the breakup that makes a person not believe it's a breakup and has them keep calling the person who broke up with them? Is it because you love the person so much that you can't believe it's come to an end? Is it because you just don't WANT it to end? OR, could it be that you knew the end was near but wanted to be the one breaking up with them? I wonder when the person begins to realize they're looking like the fool for continuing to call and try to see the person who dumped them. How long does this foolishness go on? I mean, the person has told you to keep all the things they ever gave you just to be done with you and you keep on going!! Tom foolery!

All the guys I've dated have tried to continue contacting me with the exception of one or maybe two and at some point, I became fed up and said mean things. Oh well and oh well!

Okay, so those of you who've been there (and I know most men and women have...DISCUSS.

*Drenna Note* Yes, I know I haven't been around much. I've been busy and tired but I'm back!

The Real Man Laws??

I was on Facebook this morning and I saw the weirdest Facebook status:

"...1st rule of being a real man u don't use an umbrella. U put a hoodie or a hat on and thug it out..."

Okay, so I know that the Man Laws exist and I never try to infiltrate them but...no umbrella?? This law makes no sense to me. If you're in your suit or just dressed nice, whether it be in a shirt and tie or some jeans and sneakers, why in the world would you mess it all up by walking down the block with no umbrella. What part of the Man Law is that? Why does this make you more of a "Real Man?" I'm not saying you have to rock out with a Dora the Explorer umbrella, but would it really kill you to put up an umbrella if you're walking to your destination that is a few blocks from the train station?

Here's another "rule" courtesy of my FB friend:

"...and if its cold in the winter time u are not allowed to wear gloves, put them in your pockets..."

I mean, what in the world?! I really need to know why wearing gloves in the freezing cold makes you less of a man or a "fake man" as opposed to being a "real man."

Okay seriously, I know that these may sound funny but as I think about it, I don't know that many men who actually use an umbrella or men who wear open toe sandals (that is, btw, rule #3 and I happen to agree with it - I just don't think it makes you less of a man if you wear them). I wonder if they don't do it "just because" or if it's because they think they will be less of a man if they do wear gloves, sandals or use an umbrella. As a woman, I thought that the "Real Man Laws" were something that were a bit deeper than that and that they included things of a sexual nature more than a material nature (outside of the open toe sandals thing).

Do most men feel this way? And who can we credit for the start of these rules? Entertainers, rappers, or everyday men? Is there an age when some of "the rules" no longer apply? Seriously, I'd like to know.

Let's discuss. Of, feel free to add on to the "Real Man Laws" as you respond.

Seven Year Itch

A couple of friends and I took on First Saturdays at the Brooklyn Museum last night and while I see how much fun it could be, we clearly got there late so we couldn't enjoy it as much as we could have. We'll be back though! Alas, that is not the topic today.

Along with my two friends and I was a guy who went to college with them. As soon as I saw him, he reminded me of someone who is considered "weird," so I unfortunately was giving him "the look" from the jump. Let me say, he gave me good reason to do so not two blocks away from my house in the car. In sticking with the topic, I won't even go into that topic but I was giving him SERIOUS side eye. Anyway, after we finally got back to my friends' apartment, the conversation (as it often does) went into relationship talk. After he told us that he felt that if two people have a child or children, they need to stay together - NO MATTER the circumstances - he told us that people "wild out" because it's so easily accepted in society. People aren't honest with themselves in relationships...

That is why he has to be in a relationship for SEVEN YEARS before he thinks about marrying a woman. I was appalled for lack of a better, stronger word. I asked him what purpose that serves and he explained to us that it is because after seven years, he knows that no stone will be unturned and he will know all secrets there are to know about her. I explained to him that some people take "secrets" to the grave and in that instance, he would never know. This young man told me that it would not happen to him because of his "sixth sense" about these things. I told him that it sounded quite silly and almost disrespectful that he would put this type of time frame on a woman just so she could prove herself "worthy" of a ring. After him saying that I was crazy for thinking that is a long time to be in a relationship (I do think it's a long time for a bf/gf relationship but not a marriage), we both agreed that I would NEVER be the woman for him.

Seven years?? REALLY? This got me to thinking about how many other people feel that you have to be in a relationship forever before you decide to consider marriage (for the people who want to get married anyway). At this stage in my life, I feel that two to three years is long enough for us to be in a relationship to where we start discussing possibly going to the next level. That might not be right either but SEVEN YEARS ? That just seems wrong to me.

I'm going to start polling people, especially men, to get their opinions. But what do you guys think: Do you have to be with someone for years and years before you will consider marrying them?

Speak on it!

Live YOUR Life

An old college friend sent me a text out of the blue two weeks ago. I haven't spoken to her in years and so I was surprised to hear from her but I've been missing her like crazy so I was super excited. Turns out, she was mad at me because I turned down the offer to be in her wedding. Not true but that's neither here nor there.

During our text convo, she asked me who my "new boy" was (read: "who is your new man?"). I told her that I was single and just hanging out here and there. She replies and I quote, "That is a damn shame. You're getting too old." EXCUSE ME?? *picture the ILL neck roll right here* My defenses immediately go up and I say, "That is NOT a damn shame and there ain't shit wrong with being single." I was completely offended by that rude comment because (1) who just SAYS that and (2) what makes her the authority?? I should point out that she is 28, married and has two children so I guess that's what makes her think she is the authority.

I was pissed because I enjoy my life as it is (hell, I DO admit to needing to date more) and don't appreciate someone judging it because it doesn't follow where they are in their life. As much love as I have for her, we haven't spoken in about three or four years so she doesn't know what's going on with me; in fact, I questioned the real purpose of this surprise text. The truth is, after she said that, I didn't have any real interest in continuing the conversation for the evening.

Unfortunately, she isn't the only one who feels that if you're 30 (or close to it like me and most of my friends) and single AND childless, your life is basically not worth living. Kick the bucket. Roll over and DIE. I've had countless friends, associates and friends of friends who have live by this rule - they either own up to subscribing to this thought or they think it subconsciously. Sometimes, I wonder if that's why some of them are married and/or have children...so they won't fall into that group of people they feel so bad for. Are they TRULY happy in their situation or are they learning how to be happy in their situation because they think they're supposed to be living that life?

Far be it for me to judge them...and damn sure far be it for them to judge me. Kick rocks then!