Friday, January 23, 2009

Talk To Me!

Yes, I've been missing...I know! I mean, I have no excuse - I just didn't feel like it. Isn't that lame of me? Oh well! Quick update: Everything was FINE with the FP; he said he really likes it. Big ups to the FP!

So anyway, there's been a recurring theme between me, people I know and...television shows I watch: Women having a HORRIBLE time expressing themselves. What? Noooooo...can't be. While it may seem hard to believe, I've noticed it to be true.

Let's start with me, shall we? A couple of weeks ago, the FP called (this was the same conversation that included "the list") and during some point on the conversation, he stopped me and told me to "hush." The FP said that for the last three weeks, I've managed to turn all the conversations we've had on him and made him the focal point. Allegedly, I don't talk about me anymore. At all. I hadn't noticed it but I didn't deny it because knowing me, it's probably true. I'm not sure what the problem is but I know I have a history of sometimes putting others' thoughts and feelings before my own. It's just that I never thought I had that problem with the FP. It's pretty easy to talk to him and have a free-flowing conversation so I'm not sure what's going on. In terms of "deep talks," I haven't been feeling all that "deep" lately so there hasn't been much to share. But, the fact that I don't even share my day in full or just how I'm feeling on any given day is worrisome for me. I'm working on that.

At work, Jersey was saying that she has work on expressing herself better to someone of the male persuasion as well. Her question: How much do they want us to say? Truth be told, I think that we as women keep our feelings to ourselves so much because we don't want to scare the men off by "speaking to soon." So we just wait until the guy expresses those similar feelings to us first. This could be a gift and a curse because I think men are just as nervous about telling us their feelings as we are to tell them ours. Of course, if they get it out there first, we usually breathe a sigh of relief because it was KILLING us not to say it too.

I wonder when we as women became so guarded? When did we become so afraid to put ourselves out there despite knowing the outcome? Are we jaded because of past situations?

Truthfully, I don't have the answer for you or for me. But, I'm going to work on both talking about myself more in depth and expressing my feelings. Don't expect to come running back to the blog saying, "Guess WHAT?! I done told XYZ I'm in Looooooove with him." NO. Slow and steady wins the race!!


Eb the Celeb said...

I was always guarded... I think of part of me envies the man that can actually pull that out of me and then when I fall I fall really hard. I have never been the women scorn.

N.O. LADI said...

It's hard to put yourself out there. I am so much more at ease when the topic of conversation is not focused on me. I prefer it tha way. And, what's funny is one of my best friends is a psychologist who loves to psychoanalyze me. He says its a defense mechanism I use to keep people out. My heart's been broken, blistered, and bruised so my guard is up. Now, how do I get over it?? He says its gonna take that one man. I'm waiting...

LuckyGirl said...

Interesting indeed. We do tend to talk a lot but maybe we are making noise but not speaking.

I think I'm pretty good with the candid banter back and forth but I'm just not gonna get deep with very many people, male or female. I know for a fact that it is me with a wall up but reality has taught me it is wise to build my wall high and thick.

I do believe we would benefit from lowering those walls and getting in touch with our inner voice. If we get to know that voice, nurture it, it will guide us a little better and maybe allow us to lower those walls and communicate. Everyone is not out to get us but some are. We have to learn the difference.

wynsters the tigress said...

i don't think it's an issue of being guarded or not...just being yourself. i am always honest, and when something is on my mind, i share it. i suppose some might say that i am not guarded enough, but i haven't reached a point where a man i'm with feels that i need to be any different. i say, say what you want, do what you want.