Monday, August 25, 2008
Is This the Way Love Goes?
I have a politician, of sorts, who came into my life almost three years ago. For the purposes of blogging, he'll be deemed now and throughout all future blogs (where he is SURE to come up again) as the Future Politician or "FP." We met about three years ago when my best friend and his best friend were together and having a baby; hence, we share a very important person in each other's lives. When I met him, I was like "Mmph, I love me a Southern boy" so I devised a lil plan to make sure we stayed in contact.
Long story short, we've been friends almost three years and this is the most "simple complication" of them all in my life. We are platonic. In case anyone is mistaken, read: no kissing and no sex. There's been no cuddling. We live in two different cities and there's only been TALK. Talk about NOTHING and EVERYTHING, including the "possibility" of us one day trying a little something different if one of us ever had to make a move to the other's city for work purposes. FP is MAJOR to me on so many levels: smart, attractive, TALL (it's got to be that all the tall brothers moved to the south b/c they aren't really in NYC anymore), hilarious, sarcastic, etc. He is almost the male version of me which is PERFECT for my personality. Our friendship is MAJOR and it runs, for both of us, very deep. Some may say, "Oh that's YOU talking like that because you're the girl and you're soft." But NO, ask him and he'd tell you the same. I believe in letting a man handle his business but if he weren't around and somebody was talking crazy about him, come see me. Me and my never having had a fight ass would be throwing "dem thangs" before I just let you talk isht about him. Yes, I'm serious.
But let me say, these three years of GREAT conversation and MY trips to the ATL - repeat, MY trips to the ATL - are starting to take their toll on me. I love this man and considering that I've never been "there," I think this is saying a lot. But its been about 10 months since we've seen each other and like always when its been a long time, we're REALLY snappy - he more than usual. Conversations are short. The silence is severely uncomfortable. My knee-jerk reaction to anything that remotely sounds out-of-pocket is, "WHAT?" At the end of almost our last five or six conversations, they have ended in STUPID disagreements or arguments. I'm clearly going to have to address THAT issue because it took me LOW on Saturday and almost made me say some things that I know I would have regretted after the fact.
So, does he have a girl down there now and trying to push me off? I don't know and while I THINK he would probably tell me (I've asked, he said no), he also says that I wouldn't be able to take it. LOL, I wouldn't be able to take it on the INSIDE but I decided long ago not to let him see me "sweat" anymore. Besides, we're just platonic, right? I don't have a problem admitting that I'm caught up in him - probably more than him - and that's why I'm readjusting myself and making myself take the REAL friendship zone. But, this is hard...and I don't know how to hide my feelings because (1) he knows me so well and knows when something is wrong, (2) I don't want to and (3) I shouldn't have to. He's got to do some things better too and unfortunately, his stubbornness allows him to act like he has no idea what I'm talking about. What Future Politician is ALWAYS up front about their ways and actions?
I just wonder how much longer we can go on as platonic, non-platonic (emotionally speaking) friends. Is there going to come a point where one of us is just ready to let it all go? Is someone going to step into the heat...or get out of the kitchen? I don't know.
I guess this is what happen when you get all caught up. Damn Feelings. Thanks, Floetry (miss ya'll, by the way)...