Monday, September 27, 2010

Marriage: From The Mouths of Men

Obviously, I'm not a man. As a woman, I don't believe that we can think for men nor should we try and vice versa. I believe we should do the best we can to have clarity in our own relationships. That's about it.

That said, I wanted to know what some of the men I know think about marriage. Most are single and dating while another is engaged. Finally, I know a man who's been married 18 years and to hear him speak, they're like newlyweds. These are THEIR words, only edited for brevity (but not ruining the integrity of what they've said) and grammar. Its their truth. It might get a little lengthy but there's some good stuff here & might spark another post later. SO the question was: Do you want to get married? If so, why?

M.O.B, mid-20s: No time soon...would be nice to eventually get married but probability of it happening the correct way is not in favor. Ducks must be lined up and everything fall into place beforehand. So to answer your question, don't think so. *Clarity to ducks must be lined up* Both must compliment each other somehow. Finances are #1, admit it or not. Trust, security, respect, and health.

G, early 30s: Yes, I would like a family and if I were to have children, it would be by my wife.

Kane (engaged to one of my SisterFriends/Wondertwin), mid 30s: I look at Lucky and I love her like Neo and Trinity ("The Matrix"). I would fight to the end for her. Even though we're different in some ways, she helps keep my Universe balanced. I loved her from the first time I saw her and thinks she's just as beautiful as the first day I saw her. As far as getting married, I can’t see myself with anyone else. She holds me down and my two boys. Well OUR two boys. We have great conversations and talk about anything. One great thing is she makes me laugh so much. I love coming home to her. It’s nothing like working all day and she's at home and I get to see her beautiful face. I kiss her when I leave and when I come home - that’s the best part of the day. At the end of the day it is no option for me whether I would be marrying her. I always knew that. Almost instantly. I would be playing myself if I don’t. It’s all love

Bread, early 30s: Not really but I will have to because I don't want my kids to possibly feel weird or under-served. I would get married if we could have regular threesomes or I could have a random sex partner outside the marriage every now and then. I like sex too much and I usually get bored with one person after like a year. I don't believe in the feasibility of monogamy...I think it goes against nature, but society forces us to do it...thus a 50+% divorce rate.

Aston, late 20s: I think I do. I don't see it happening or want it to happen any time soon. I assume later on I would want to. After I'm stable with a career, maybe a condo or house and traveled a few places then I would evaluate again how I feel about marriage. Why do I want to get married? Honestly IDK...but I know why I wouldn't: (1) I'm worried that the relationship would get stale/boring and (2) If we're not legally married then there's no ugly divorce process and paperwork - both of us can just leave. I have no problem spending the rest of my life with one person so that's not a reason why I wouldn't get married.

FP (paraphrased - it was late when I heard this so please don't kill me. This was the gist of what he had to say), early 30s: Yes, I would like to get married to the right person when the time is right. I've been in fulfilling relationships in the past with women who've had great qualities and so I know what its like to be with someone who satisfies you on different levels. A person who shares your ideals and where there's a mutual trust and respect are some of the basics for a successful type of marriage. I'd also like to have children and I'd like to do that with my wife.

Lion (married 18 years), early 40s: I was always taught to respect women and put women on pedestals. I can count the number of relationships I've had on one had from my late teen years through my early 20s before I started dating the wife. I knew her for awhile before we started dating. Oncee we started and fell in love, we realized how much we had in common. It didn't take us much longer before we had "the talk" where we discussed our intentions, desires and future plans. So, the short answer to why did I get married is: we decided together that we were ready to take that step since we were in love, serious about our commitment, and were ready to move on and put in the work to make the union last forever.

Let's Discuss.


Kenda said...

A man's perspective is always insightful. I can def appreciate it on a subject like this one. Cannot say that I was surprised by any of their answers. I don't know any guys who've dreamed of their wedding the way little girls do. It's a conditioning process, I think.

BrooklynBred said...

I don't know that I was surprised by any responses but I totally disagree with Bread's theory that the reason why the divorce rate is so high is because society makes us believe in the idea of monogamy. He sounds like he's trying to "break" societal rules when really, getting married just to not make your future children feel "weird," fills those same societal roles.

TheMochaPeach said...

Bread is obviously SOGGY to say the least. can have a GREAT sex life with ONE partner. *sigh*...goodness gracious. Dont you wanna LIVE and be healthy! And..most young people (under 35) dont see the benefits of marriage because for the most part..they havent seen healthy marriages OR WHOLE complete families in their lives. So wtf do they have to base anything off of? Marriage is SO beneficial...*sigh*. Black men need to get right.

Anonymous said...

the views were good to see (no i'm not surprised by the comments but was surprised by the ages how men would get married later...hell they already in their 30s. women start talking marriage early 20s ;-)
Like most, i disagree with bread--the divorce rate is high b/c a lot of people do not have healthy/positive marriages as an example. we can't even say "my grandparents have been married 50 years".
my parents were married 31 years (until my father's death), my in-laws have been married 30 years and counting and my husband & i can't wait to add to our 6+. it's all about finding that right person...not right for the night but right for the lifetime.

Shelley said...


Although I'm not surprised by these responses it's good to see the differences. And I respect the honesty of these men.
As for Mr Bread....simply dude, don't get married. Your words "Not really but I will have to because I don't want my kids to possibly feel weird or under-served" kids are very intelligent and see more than we think they see. So before you say I do for the sake of the kids, I need you to really think about what you're going to do (3somes, random sex partner, seriously dude stay single).