Thursday, September 9, 2010

Calling Me Out My Name

There aren't many neighborhoods in Brooklyn that aren't very active. Mine is no different. My particular block is split in half - one half of the block is extremely loud and the rest is pretty quiet. On the more loud end (and subsequently, the rest of the neighborhood), the conversations can be quite colorful and more often than not, no one is trying to hide what is being said. Even on the quiet end, the "entertainment" often reaches right in front of my window to give me everything tv can't at the moment.

But there's always a problem with the conversations I pass and hear on an almost daily basis: the disrespectful words that come out of some mens' mouths when they're talking to their wives/girlfriends/shorty.

Even worse is how the women allow themselves to be spoken to and treated. I have seen men say (and do) things that have been so cold and disgusting that no apology or "talking it out" could ever really make it better. But the women are always running behind the man to cry and say "Why would you say that to me," "Let's talk - you're just upset" and variations of the sort. Now I don't condone a woman being called out of her name or being treated like she's the bottom of her man's shoe and I recognize that some harsh words are spoken during arguments right in the moment. However, when a man can continuously speaking to his woman like she is the scum of the earth, it is time to turn it around and ask: Why keep blaming him?

It sounds good and plausible to see a situation where a guy is being disrespectful to his girl and always label him a dog or a jerk. He's probably both. As women, we do it more often than not and especially when it comes to defending our friends and the shenanigans of theirs significant others. But if we're being true friends, is it not important that we also help our friends (and OURSELVES) realize that we are continuing a trend in our relationships by allowing someone to disrespect and berate seemingly on schedule? There comes a time (and that time should be all the time) when you have to realize that you cannot change any other person but you can change your REACTION to how a person treats you.

So in addition to asking, "Who you calling a bitch," we should be asking ourselves, "Why'd I let you call me a bitch."



Nast said...

I tell people all the time...a person can only treat you on how you ALLOW them to do so. If a person comes and cusses you out everyday and you decide one day to rise up and slap the horseradish out of them.

Personally I find it disrespectful to call a woman a "b*tch, hoe, slut, etc..." because thats SOMEONES sister, daughter and quite possibly mother. Forget the old adage of "would you wont this done to your mother...etc", lets just think about all the daily hardships this woman has to endure from others in the outside world and we're gonna continue to add onto it by degrading her and calling her out her name?

And we wonder why at times our sisters are so quick to date outside our race.

BUT to subscribe to the idea of this composition, the female SHOULD recognize that the man in question doesnt respect her and should she continue to be subjected to this treatment from him thinking she can reform him....



Kenda said...

Calling me out of my name is not even acceptable in my life. Any man who knows me, knows this. I don't play with that. that is not love. And, if it is, this lady will forever be without it. I think it also plays into that certain woman's self esteem level and fear of losing said man (even when he ain't much of one). I find it quite sad and disheartening.

Shelley said...

The sad truth is some women don't know any better. And some will say "He's only playing" or "That's how I know he loves me".
And as mentioned earlier, some women will allow themselves to be disrespected so they won't lose their man.

As for me, simply you call me a bitch, I'm calling your momma a bigger one!! Don't call me anything you can't call your momma!!