Friday, September 17, 2010

Who's Mad?

"I may sound bitter/I’m a little bitter/ Just a little bitter/because you were with her..."

Well that's putting it mildly, Marsha. I don't know if you've heard this song by Marsha Ambrosius (former member of Floetry *le sigh*) but the title "I Hope She Cheats On You (With a Basketball Player) has become a little topic of discussion in certain circles. Why? Marsha is...bitter. It seems as though one of two things happened here: (1) the man left her for another woman or (2) they broke up and she's found out that he's with someone else now. I'm going with the former because otherwise, is there a real need for the song? Plus, it just makes a better story.

Before I go on, let me also say that this topic also has to do with me having just finished reading Getting To Happy by Terry McMillian. It revisits our four friends from Waiting To Exhale and goodness, one of them is bitter. Not to ruin the book for anyone, that's all I'll say.

Moving on.

When a break-up occurs, especially when an outside party is involved, there's lots of anger. Seemingly even more anger than a break-up where two people have outgrown each other or some other reason. One party (or maybe, both) has chosen to avoid the issues and instead, go out to have some fun with someone else which results in extra problems. When the truth comes to the light, the cheated on person usually says something like "You're gonna get what's coming to you. Its called karma, muthaeffa!"

So to hear Marsha say "I hope she cheats on you with a basketball player," is saying "I hope she does to you what you did to me but with someone who is hotter than you." Is it bitter? Perhaps. Is it honest? In the moment - definitely. The reason is because they want you to feel the pain even worse. They want your pride and your confidence to be broken down in a way that you have never known. They want you to remember when you did it to them and to realize, "Maybe I deserved this."

How long do you let this go on though? Do you write a song? A book? A letter? Poem? Do you cry it out? Or even more dreadful, do you put yourself through the pain of keeping in contact with the person just to say angry things to them (no matter how true) until you're over it? And further, what if you have more than one relationship that ends because of infidelity? Do you have that bitter feeling for every failed relationship? Or worse, do you relive the old bitterness and add it to the new bitterness?

Questions I ask as I listen to songs like this. Let's Discuss.


Shelley said...

Hey There,

To be honest, I get MAD AS HELL!! I'm hurt, I've been betrayed by someone I put my trust in and he does this....THAT MOTHERF&*%ER!!

I'm human and of course I'm going to be bitter, but here's the kicker, I can't let it get the best of me and I need to get over it. I'll cry, chat with my friends, drink, write in my journal, pray, drink, pray, cry & drink, etc.. In my time I move on (that's when the forgiveness work begins, a topic for another time).

People are going to go through their moments after a break-up. But during the emotional roller-coaster, you have to remind yourself you can't hold on to the bitterness for long, GET OVER IT!! Take a moment but move on. Holding onto these feelings will not do anything for you in the long run and you may miss out on a good thing.


Kenda said...

Being bitter is not cute! Yes, it hurts when love falls apart. It hurts even more if you've been cheated on. But, if you're bitter about it, you'll never get a chance to become better because of it. And, furthermore, one has to leave all that bitter breakup baggage at the door in order to move on. Life's too short to stay mad about a man/woman who has done you wrong and moved on. Clearly, they aren't concerned about you or your feelings. It's better to move on without all that drama. The next person you meet doesn't deserve it.

TheMochaPeach said...

Can I just say..thats my JAM! I've been where Marsha is..It HURTS like hell. We all have had our "bitter" moments. We must recognize them..move on..and let it GO! I throw myself into other things to not focuse on the hurt: shopping, decorating, fitness...It's healthier than crying.