Tuesday, August 4, 2009

So What if I DO??

I grew up with a mother who was a teacher. Because of that, my focus has always been go to school, get good grades, and get a good job. Boys (and eventually, men) will always be there to have fun with. So, and like I've said in a previous post, dating and settling down has never been a number one priority on my list. Even going into my 30th year (just a little over seven months away now), the idea of getting married is not a top priority, although I do hope to be married one day. But what's wrong with wanting that?

I recently posed the question to my crew: Where are you in your life as it pertains to dating and what do you think of women who have the opposite stance (no matter if you're loving the single life or tired of that sh*t and ready to settle down)? In what actually came as no surprise to me, most of the group would entertain the idea of a relationship if the right man piqued their interest enough to leave the single life. There's no settling here for this group of overachieving, highly motivated, attractive group of women so until that man comes along (and there's one who may/may not be close to leaving "the life"), they/we are fine where we are. They have no problems with women who have decided they have reached certain points in their lives where they can proudly say, "I'm ready to share my life with someone. I'm ready to be in a committed relationship that might even one day lead to marriage." And why should they?

There was a time in society where the only thing a woman should be concerned about is finding a husband. So, it's odd to see a woman be afraid, for lack of a better word, to express that she's ready to be in a relationship because people will look at her as though it's wrong. Nowadays, that woman is looked upon as the desperate type who needs to learn how to be more independent. Nevermind that she's well into her career and whether making lots of money or not, she's happy with her progression. Nevermind that she has great friends and has traveled with not only her friends but alone. Nevermind that she's dated and enjoyed the single life and has yet to settle down with a guy just to say, "I have a man." That woman is now desperate because she wants a relationship. Drenna Note: Obviously, this does not make up every "I'm ready to settle down" woman but I'm using the extreme because she does exist.

What is "in" to some people is the woman who is totally happy being single and would never utter the "I want a man" phrase. Forget the face that she tries to put her first name with the last name of every dude she dates. Forget that she's secretly depressed that she is single but would never let the masses see it. Forget the fact that the only reason she goes out so much is because she's tired of going home every night to an empty house. Oh, and lest we forget that she sometimes sleeps with every other dude she goes out with because she DOES want a little noise in her house every now and then. Drenna Note: Obviously, this does NOT make up every happily single woman but I'm using extreme cases because she does exist.

So what's the deal? Where do you stand in your life? And how do you look at the woman who's the exact opposite? Or do you ever even think about the exact opposite?


LovinMe4Me said...

Truth be told, my life will always be busy no matter what I'm doing. Yes, I want to be in a relationship. I would like someone to ride with me in this thing we call life. He's handling his and I'm handling mine but we have each others back. I've been told, you don't need a man and I correct them and say "you're right I don't need, I want".
I know women who have said, I'm too busy for a man. Hey that's them and if that's what they believe so be it. I've been told plenty of times "you'll always make time for things you want to do and people you want to be with"

BottomLine....Women & Men, if you're on your hustle, changing your hustle or trying to find a hustle, great, always, take care of you 1st. And if you feel you want that special someone in your life, go for it. Yeah, you can have both.


N.O. LADI said...

I hate when folks assume that since I am 29, unmarried, and without kids, I must be unhappy. What part of the game is that? It's 2009, people!! Someone being married does not make them better than me nor does it mean that they are happier than me. One does not equate the other.