Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Itch

Walk down any block and you'll see them. Listen in on almost any girl talk session and they'll come up as a hot topic. Think back to how you (or if you're a guy reading, your sister) grew up and you probably had them around all the time. What are they? BABIES. Babies and children are everywhere now and if you're a single Black woman in her mid to late 20s or GOD FORBID, your 30s, most people have asked you at least once, "When you gonna settle down and get married? When you gonna have some KIDS?"

Recently, posted an article about Black Women and Adoption where it shed light on something that is still taboo, albeit a frequent occurrence: Single Motherhood. The women in the article were fairly intelligent, successful in their careers and even dated more often than not. But after having failed relationships and seeing some of their "years" pass them by, they realized they yearned for children. While a couple of these women did not want to have a child out of wedlock, their need/want for children led them to adoption.

According to the article, a 2006 Census Bureau poll showed that 45% of Black women have never been married (compared to 23% of White women). As many of us have been raised to believe we should get an education and then get married, where does that leave the women who opted to find and sustain a career before even THINKING about the idea of a family? And when they are ready to focus on a relationship, they are coming up short. According to Mardie Caldwell (founder of Lifetime Adoption) in the article, "...There's a lack of qualified men to get into relationships with." If you're a woman in her 30s and for you that statement holds true (I don't subscribe to that at all and I'm knocking on 30), what does that mean for you? Do you just keep holding out on hope that you will find the man for you and just wish yourself the best on conceiving your own child?

Further, what IS the effect of the emotional strain some women will put them through, thus leaving them towards adoption? As stated, women are so often told that they're "getting old and hurry up and have a baby," that it becomes ingrained and start a mantra that they must have children. Fear of being infertile is also leading women to adopt. Fear of being alone is causing women to adopt. Fear of being side-eyed by family and friends for not having kids is causing women to adopt.

The article digs into a few more sub-topics that you can read for yourself and think about (i.e. the fact that biracial and light-skinned children are being adopted more than dark-skinned children because some of the women don't want a child that's "too dark") - especially if you're single and would like a family of your own but aren't "on the road yet."

Could adoption be an option for you if you're a single, Black woman who wants children? Men, could or would you date a woman whose children you found out were adopted...and it was by choice (I'm sure we'd be surprised by the answer)?

Let's talk.


Lynette said...

Im in my late 30's and I really dont have an inkling for children. I love the ones that are in my life but I dont feel that motherly vibe. But then again some of the men that ive been with never gave me that "lets have kids feel"

LovinMe4Me said...

I'm in my mid-30's and the thought about having children has crossed my mind BUT I'm not stressing it. Will I be able to have my own before it's too late (or as some folks say, my clock stops ticking), only God knows. The fact that I have options is fine for me. So yes I would adopt.

I grew up around folks who were together because of the child. NOW THAT, I DON'T WANT!! Although the kids were taken care of the relationship between the adults wasn't the best, truth be told they were miserable. For a long time, I didn't want to get married because of the examples of marriage I grew up with (another topic for another time)

So, if I meet someone and I have lil ones via adoption, I would hope he can accept that, if not, then he's not the one for me.


Kenda said...

I will be 30 by years end & have had babies on the brain. I don't think adoption is necessarily for me (I did just see Orphan & it creeped me out lol). When and if it happens, it happens. I am no longer stressing over the things society (or my family) says I should have/be/so @ my age. I am more than thankful I haven't had a baby by now cause I don't wanna be any man's baby momma. No thank you!