Monday, March 9, 2009

Open Heart and Mind

I've never been in a relationship. I take that back - I've never been in a SERIOUS relationship. I had a "summer love" with this guy back in '99 that was silly from the jump but every other girl had a boyfriend so I wanted one too. He was nice enough but when I say he was WEAK - definitely not the guy for me. I enjoy the single life: the idea of meeting men here and there that I MIGHT be semi-interested in without having to just let it go because I'm with someone. I like the idea of going out with my friends and not having to see if this is a good night to go or if I should stay in (or go out) with him instead.

But I'm an honest person too and the truth is that lately I've been thinking about what it would be like to be in a real, very serious relationship. The idea of all of this has been almost too much and I can barely type the words out, let alone verbally speak them to anyone. I've had this feeling of, "Okay, you're ready for that if it comes along. It might take some time to happen because there's no man in the picture nut you're ready. You can handle that." *sidenote: We know how I feel about the FP and that he would be my ideal choice but I would never want to throw all my eggs in one basket when it may not happen or put that kind of pressure on either of us.* It is very odd for me to have these thoughts because I rarely ever have these thoughts. Almost never. My thought process always goes, "I got way more important things to do than think about a relationship." Actually, that still holds true; I have so much work to do on my professional side that it takes over some of my thoughts about my personal life. But now, the idea that they can co-exist has started to surface.

Trying to think back where this started, I feel like it was when I had a bad day at work and didn't have anybody (of the male persuasion) to talk to about it when I got home (to either be there or for me to go to their house - no cohabitation for me). A light bulb went off where I was like, "Damn, that would be real cool!" Of course, the person I can always talk to about things that bother me (and see, I know this may spark some of you to have a specific opinion on this)the FP, was more than available to listen to me and let me vent. Lucky says this is the natural progression of life. Maybe she's right. I'm not thinking anything further than a relationship at this point; I'm definitely not ready for the level ABOVE that one yet.

I was thinking of posting India Arie's "Ready for Love" for but that's a bit deeper than what I actually feel. So we'll just go music-less on this one.

Yeah, I'm ready...and it will happen in due time.


LovinMe4Me said...

Hey, I know all to well how you feel. My issue is I'm soo not ready to deal with the dating/games bulls**t. I know I know you gotta kiss some frogs blah blah blah but damn it some of those dudes make me wanna do a "Weird Science" (in case you don't know tht's an 80's movie). But like you said it will happen in the right time.


N.O. LADI said...

I'm ready...finally. to allow someone in. In the past few years, because of the infamous back & forth with the ex, I wasn't emotionally available to anyone else. I know that he will come along when he is supposed to.