Friday, June 10, 2011

Meet The Parents

Okay, so by now most of you know (and if you don't and are new to reading, you'll see in the next few words) that I've tried to steer clear of men with children. I casually dated a guy off and on for about a year and a half with a child but I knew we'd never be serious so I didn't think too much about it. For me, its a Catch 22: I don't need a lot of attention but when I do need/want it, I want it WHEN I want it and don't really want to have to "wait." At the same time, if you DARE drop me for your child, I'm giving you all kinds of side eye and wondering in my mind, "What kind of man drops his child just because his girl wanted some damn attention. ILL." So because of that, I've mostly stayed away from it. But for the last year, I've slowly - and I mean, sloooooowly - started rethinking things and maybe it's okay for me to date a man with a child. It has nothing to do with me getting older; I just think it isn't always that big of a deal to date a man who has (and presumably, takes good care of) a child. A CHILD. ONE. I'm not yet open to more than that but who knows! Moving on...

With this new thinking of me dating this currently invisible man with a child comes the mother of this child. For the sake of the post, let's say mother and father of the child have a cordial relationship. They may or may not be good friends but they're good co-parents working together for the sake of their child's well-being. Now, here I come into the picture. After having spent ample time together (whatever that may be) and building our relationship, Invisible Man thinks I should meet his child. Now the nervousness might set in because this is HIS child and I want to make sure I make a good impression; but being the person I am, I will because I'm actually REALLY, REALLY good with kids. *brushes that dirt off my shoulder* So I know things would go well and we would keep on keeping on with our relationship.

But hold up. Is there a protocol here? Am I supposed to meet his child's mother first? Should I bring it up on a, "Hey I know we're moving things to a super serious level but don't you think I should meet his (for grammatical purposes) mother" tip? Is he supposed to tell me - especially if they're cordial - that he wants me to meet his child's mother?

I always wonder how that works because the last thing I'd want to be is disrespectful, especially if there's a possibility that I'll be spending a lot of time around MY Invisible Man's child. In my head, if I had a child and was getting serious with someone who was not his father, I'd try to make sure they're introduced so at least my child's father would know who he'd be around. It isn't for "approval" or anything, but I think I would think I'm showing some respect by doing so. And I'd LIKE for that to work if the tables were turned. Is that doing the most? And LORD, what happens if the parents of a child can't stand each other? Then what (my mind tells me to run but I don't know if that's right) do you do?

Meeting the parents...what's the protocol? Let's discuss.


Frenchie said...

my bf has 2 kids from a previous marriage. I met and like the children when we got serious. I dont feel any need to meet their mother until/if I become the stepmom and we have to discuss co-parenting+1

Katch Kenda said...

I think meeting the mother is a must. Especially if we're at the point of meeting the child. I feel like we would be in a serious, "we're thinking about taking that walk down that aisle" relationship. As a woman, I would want her to know me since I'm gonna be a part of her child's life. If the parents have a good co-parenting relationship, it's in my best interest to meet her and keep the peace in all of our lives.

DrennaB said...

I'm really so conflicted about this. Part of me is like, "Okay maybe the current and the ex will meet in passing" but a formal meeting? I don't know if I think its necessary. But like I said in my post, I think I would want that if I had a child and my ex had a someone new in my life. I just like to be aware of who is going to be around my child if I can. I need faces to names.