The Female Approach

Last week at a going away dinner, a friend was trying to give me tips on how to walk the fine line between flirting and being my "always cool and down to earth" self. Here's the thing: most of my friends think that I'm SO down to earth when I'm talking to men that they can't tell if I'm interested in them or not to go on a date. They say, "You have to get a little touchy feely or say a little something that gives them that vibe." My girl Shana then said, "Or you could just approach it on some 'What's good' and let it be taken from there." We know by now I'm not THAT girl so that was laughed off but another friend said, "No because if you do the approaching, then they expect them to chase you. It's over."

I disagree. Again, I'm not the woman who is going to approach a man first that I might have some interest in but I certainly don't believe that this now leaves the door open for us to do the chasing. I've witnessed with my own eyes women doing the approaching and really, the men have seemingly taken the lead from there. My friends who've done this? They have gotten similar results: the men have called them continuously (without the woman having called first), they've asked the women on dates and whatever else goes along in the courting process for them. The only thing that was different was the initial "hello." For reference, I asked a couple of guy friends if they expect a woman to always be the one to "chase" if she approaches and the exchange numbers and they all said the exact same thing: "Not at all. Once the numbers are exchanged, it can go back to the guy chasing."

As a whole, I think we have to slow down on the idea of always seeing who's winning "the race." Yes, as women we like to be able to SEE that the man (or men) we're dating or trying to date is showing serious interest because let's face it: when we're really feeling a guy, we get all caught up and don't always realize that we're giving a little more than we're giving. But when its right, its right and only one person is slightly in the lead, lol. But the person doing the "most" chasing (especially when they're just jumping all the way out there) isn't doing so because they got the number first; they're doing it because they don't know how to be stopped and want to make sure the person they're after will dig them.

So ladies, if you want to approach a man and aren't fearful of rejection or anything like that, go ahead. That doesn't mean that you have to go 0 to 90 in chasing him. Men, just because she approaches you, don't think that she's going to be running up behind you all the time.

That's all.

Words of Love After It's Over

A couple of weeks ago I was reading gossip sites, getting what was probably my second or third dose of "celebreality" for the day when I came upon a piece on Justin Timberlake's recent interview with Vanity Fair. Now, if any of you follow the celebs, Justin has always been in the tabloids for being quite the ladies' man and during this particular relationship with Jessica Biel, the paps have allegedly caught him plenty of times with woman who aren't Jess. Apparently they asked about their breakup and he said, "She is the single-handedly most significant person in my life. In my 30 years, she is the most special person, okay? … I don't want to say much more, because I have to protect things that are dear to me – for instance, her."

Instantly, I rolled my eyes. If I believe the rags, then it's obvious why I would roll my eyes about such an admission of "affection," or whatever you want to call it, post-breakup. Even if I didn't believe anything the rags were saying, JT can miss me with that mess. Like...DON'T ANSWER THE QUESTION WITH THAT TYPE OF RESPONSE. Say, "What we had was special and our time together will always mean something to me." Anything "deeper" leaves me feeling a certain type of way. So you allegedly cheated (on a semi-regular basis) on the single-handled most significant person in your life? Is that part of the JT web?

But this is not just celebs. So often when people break up - particularly when one person has lost all their marbles and done something terribly wrong - mutual friends hear so much of the after-story. What do we so often hear from the person who's messed up? "You know I love him/her. He/She means sooo much to me. I'll never find anyone better." What? Shut up. What is the point? Are you trying to make sure that the message gets back to the wronged? Do you want to make yourself look like a fellow "victim?" Is this a way to make sure you stay on your ex's mind until you're ready (or if it was a mutual breakup, until you guys possibly find your way back to each other)? What? Hell, maybe you DO actually feel that way. But guess what? So sad, too bad. Actually, I think even less of a person who has to make these types of professions to anyone who'll listen. Contact your ex directly to get the guilt (because that's what it is) off your chest or keep it to yourself altogether.

Maybe I'm a little jaded and am using very harsh judgment in cases I know nothing about (I've never been in a situation like this) but my heart (and my attitude) on this almost jumped out of my chest when I read the story. I was actually ranting at my office to just about anyone who would listen to me. So weigh in. Am I jumping to rash conclusions? On to something? Have you been there before?

Let's discuss.

Meet The Parents

Okay, so by now most of you know (and if you don't and are new to reading, you'll see in the next few words) that I've tried to steer clear of men with children. I casually dated a guy off and on for about a year and a half with a child but I knew we'd never be serious so I didn't think too much about it. For me, its a Catch 22: I don't need a lot of attention but when I do need/want it, I want it WHEN I want it and don't really want to have to "wait." At the same time, if you DARE drop me for your child, I'm giving you all kinds of side eye and wondering in my mind, "What kind of man drops his child just because his girl wanted some damn attention. ILL." So because of that, I've mostly stayed away from it. But for the last year, I've slowly - and I mean, sloooooowly - started rethinking things and maybe it's okay for me to date a man with a child. It has nothing to do with me getting older; I just think it isn't always that big of a deal to date a man who has (and presumably, takes good care of) a child. A CHILD. ONE. I'm not yet open to more than that but who knows! Moving on...

With this new thinking of me dating this currently invisible man with a child comes the mother of this child. For the sake of the post, let's say mother and father of the child have a cordial relationship. They may or may not be good friends but they're good co-parents working together for the sake of their child's well-being. Now, here I come into the picture. After having spent ample time together (whatever that may be) and building our relationship, Invisible Man thinks I should meet his child. Now the nervousness might set in because this is HIS child and I want to make sure I make a good impression; but being the person I am, I will because I'm actually REALLY, REALLY good with kids. *brushes that dirt off my shoulder* So I know things would go well and we would keep on keeping on with our relationship.

But hold up. Is there a protocol here? Am I supposed to meet his child's mother first? Should I bring it up on a, "Hey I know we're moving things to a super serious level but don't you think I should meet his (for grammatical purposes) mother" tip? Is he supposed to tell me - especially if they're cordial - that he wants me to meet his child's mother?

I always wonder how that works because the last thing I'd want to be is disrespectful, especially if there's a possibility that I'll be spending a lot of time around MY Invisible Man's child. In my head, if I had a child and was getting serious with someone who was not his father, I'd try to make sure they're introduced so at least my child's father would know who he'd be around. It isn't for "approval" or anything, but I think I would think I'm showing some respect by doing so. And I'd LIKE for that to work if the tables were turned. Is that doing the most? And LORD, what happens if the parents of a child can't stand each other? Then what (my mind tells me to run but I don't know if that's right) do you do?

Meeting the parents...what's the protocol? Let's discuss.