Wednesday, May 11, 2011

May/December...Not so much!

When I was 19 years old, I had an experience with a 28/29 year old man. He was not trying to be in a relationship with me and I, being a college student only home for certain breaks, definitely did not want to be serious with him. At 24, I dated a man who was 32 (ironically, we *stupidly* tried to kick it again when I was 29 and he told me he was 34...blank stare) years old. The latter guy had owned a couple of business, seen a couple of things I definitely hadn't at my age, been married and divorced, and subsequently, was kind of bitter towards women. Yet, he was ready to settle down again and be married/have children. By the end of that, I realized that older men were just not my cup of tea. It wasn't solely because of who he was as a person but rather, he was just on a very different page than I was and I find that more when I do meet men more than 5-7 years older than me.

A friend of mine is 30 and is dating a 43 year old man. She questioned before they started dating if there were such thing as "too old" but even with whatever responses she received, she pursued it. I spoke to her about it prior to writing this and she told me that she chose to give him a try because (1) she doesn't seem to be having any luck with the guys she's been meeting who are closer to her age and (2) he treats her nice and she doesn't want to miss out on a possible "good man" because of her fears over his age. But she does have her reservations: not only is he older but he is a single father already. "Being that he has children already, will he even want to have anymore?" Good question and personally, I think this is what women in particular question as we get older and are involved in dating or just dating, in general, men with children.

But its not just "dating up." A male friend of mine dated a woman who was 28 when he was just a mere 21 year old lad. Now, I don't find that men ever have a problem with dating older women and this was no exception. He enjoyed it but they broke up because of some personal issues he said she had (he knew this was going on the blog so he wasn't about to share which is totally understandable but likely not to be posted if it had nothing to do with the topic). Ironically enough, he says he would never be serious with a woman roughly seven years younger than him (he's about to be 28) because they need to "see" things and do things that he likely has already gotten out of his system.

I'm still not checking for men that are more than about seven years older than me (and let's keep it real: I'd prefer you'd not be more than five years older) AND I will date younger than me. Let's not get out of hand, the man would have to be at least 25 but I'd absolutely be down with it. I'm not sure if I'm right or wrong by excluding the men that might be 10 years older than me. Is there a right or wrong?

Hi, I'm DrennaB...and I'm an ageist.

And you? Let's discuss.


Katch Kenda said...

I have always prefered older. I've tried younger and it was cool for what it was. It was just for fun. There was no chance of a future there b/c we wanted different things. I am currently dating a man who is older by almost 5 years. His age nor mine has been an issue. We both lived and experienced a lot. We want the same things out of life. This was established way before this relationship came into play. We were friends for a while before this. I know they say age is just a number. But in all actuality, it is so much more. I prefer a more mature, experienced at life mate.

TheMochaPeach said...

I am currently seeing a guy who is about 7 years older. I dont have an issue with the age. What kills me is that his SPIRIT isnt "youthful". *sigh*. Just acting old..not aware of "current" music...and making comments about "Oh you are so young" and "you're more in TUNE with the younger generation". Da fuck. Dude..I am 32 and you are 38. Not to mention..even at my age I've experience more (been married, had a wedding, bought a house etc) stuff he hasnt even done at age 38!! I mean he claims it's not an issue but he's brought it up twice. I also dated a guy (post divorce) 4 years YOUNGER than me...and this fool was just not aware of issues. Didnt know who venus and serena was! didnt know about current events. It was a trip. And annoying as hell. I say all this to say..hell...I's a crap shoot either way. (Damn..sorry to vent like this. LOL)

DrennaB said...

@Kenda: I don't find a big deal at all with a five year age difference. That's "nothing" to me.

@Mocha: The funny thing about your last statement is that I do agree that its a crapshoot either way. You could date "much" younger guy and he be one of the most mature guys ever or you could date older and he be thie biggest CHILD ever. Do you think the guy you're seeing really sees your age difference as a factor or is he an "old soul?" I believe I'm an old soul...but not that damn old. LOL!