Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The First Time

Relax, it's not a sexual post...this time.

I have a good friend who admittedly has had visions of grandeur of a dream man and relationship. Now, maybe this dream comes from a fictional "perfect man" that we sometimes see on television who would come her way, and sweep her off her. Of course, they'd get married, buy the house, have some children and add whatever else comes with that "fairytale" life. Here's her reality: she recently started dating a man who is a widower with three children. No, it isn't her ideal situation but she's giving it a whirl. When I asked what was the fairytale she was looking for, she mentioned something that I've only heard once before (on the tv show The Game): "...Just a fairytale about me being a first wife to someone and being the mother of his first children."


I thought about this. I thought again. And then I thought some more. I've dated a man with a child and I've dated a divorced man. My preference has always been to not date either of those options if I can help it but we all go against the grain from time to time. In my experiences, the latter of the two listed what I would like to never do again. Having said that, my reasons for not wanting to date any man who comes with one or both of those has never been "because I want to be the first." As I reflected, I can honestly say I never even thought about it that way. In thinking about it now, it still isn't something that holds weight with me. To me, being "the first" only matters because you're literally just that: the first. The reality is that, in my opinion, it doesn't matter. Whether you're the first or - Cupid forbid - the third, if a man is going to be good to you as a husband and/or father, that's just his way. If he's trash as a husband and/or father, then it won't matter that you're the first. It sucks in a major way but it's true.

But this is just me. This is something I know nothing about so I need some views. Ladies, have you or your friends ever had this conversation and learned that one (or all) of you think that way? Men, have you ever been turned down by a woman over this?

Let's discuss.

1 comment:

Katch Kenda said...

Up until the day I turned 30, I was totally against dating a guy with kids. It was not so much about being first, moreso about avoiding the drama that usually accompanies the "baby mama" situation. I think when you date a man with kids, you have to be mature enough to realize that you can't be the #1 and only thing in his life. That's a huge adjustment when you're used to dating guys without that responsibility. With age, hopefully, comes wisdom. Things can work out in your best interest. Any relationship is a lot of work. One with someone who has kids can be extra hard. Any birth of a child is special, be it first or 5th. That and love is all that should matter in the end. Sorry for the long response. This is an issue dear to my heart :)