Thursday, February 10, 2011

Loving Bad To Love Good

"Brothers, a woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. Be the good one." -Bishop Dale C. Bronner

A college friend of mine posted this as her Facebook status and as I finished reading it, I leaned back to think about it. Some people agreed and after about 20 minutes or so, I responded that I don't know that I agreed with that. I do believe that there is often times truth in the saying that sometimes "You have to kiss many frogs before you kiss your prince." But even in saying that, it doesn't mean that those "frogs" were bad guys. In fact, many women come across good men who just weren't good men for THEM (yes, that exists: not every good man/woman you meet is the person for you...and please throw them back in the water for the person they're meant for to catch them). I've seen this happen many times with friends of mine and they openly admit that maybe they just weren't ready for the person or vice versa.

Yes, there are bad men. Yes, we as women date them sometimes. Every now and then we don't realize they're "bad men" and other times, we ignore the clear signs that they are not good men. Not for us or even our worst [female] enemy/ Well maybe for her but I'm keeping it positive so yeah, not for her either. And yes, bad guys that we choose to date or sleep with or whatever we do with them serve a purpose at times. Maybe its because after all is said and done we need to be able to say, "What in the world was I thinking?" Perhaps its because we feel we need a little excitement. Sidenote: Spare me that "excitement" bit - at some point you can find excitement in even the nicest and lowkey guy. Or, we need to be broken off a lil something and even if you don't like "bad guys," he is the one who came along who you let put it down one good time and you feel the need to be hooked for a minute. So yeah, there's a purpose. Sometimes.

But here's where I disagree with the Bishop: I don't at all believe that women HAVE to love a bad man once or twice in order to be able to be thankful for a good man. As I've already acknowledged, sometimes men come around for different reasons. But let's focus on the woman - let's give credit where its due and not group everyone: There are level headed women in the world who have always been able to recognize good men and know that that's what they want in their lives. I've met them in the past and I know them current. There are women who, even if they're single now, have loved really good men in the past and even though they aren't with them anymore, there's not much bad to say about them. Some women had fathers or father figures in their lives that treated them so well and showed them what it was like to be treated like a lady that, as long as they can help it, they wouldn't date a man who showed them any less than the respect the have for themselves. Other women didn't have positive fathers or father figures in their lives but turned that negative into a positive for their future relationships. These examples of women go to show that you don't have to love a bad man to be thankful for a good one.

So yes, some of us will make a choice to continue to deal with the bull from some men (and I'm talking about the "Girl,'re REALLY dealing with that?" bull) and until we look INWARDLY, that's all we'll attract and be attracted to. No good man will really change that because to appreciate anyone or anything, you have to change your own mindset.

Sorry, Rev...I disagree.

Let's discuss.


Anonymous said...

I disagree too. I've never been with a bad man (cheater, liar, abusive in any way), but certainly knew when I came across the one for me.

Ms. K said...

I disagree with that statement as well. Love is different in every situation. I think the Bishop's statement is too general. I do, however, believe that its hard to allow yourself to love a good man after loving a bad one. Well, it was for me.