Monday, April 12, 2010

Quality vs. Quantity

Gotta love Facebook sometimes.

I was on FB last night and I came upon my friend Far Rock's status update which read: "Do You REALLY have to know someone for YEARS in order to marry them?" Now my initial thought was, "Is he about to consider proposing to someone?" But my next thought was, "Thanks for the blog topic." Let's consider the options.

Two people meet and immediately find that they have a "connection." It's very strong, very real, and after maybe about 4-5 months, they decide there is no one else for the other and they should get married. For the sake of what some would consider "adults," let's age them 27-30. Some might argue that they haven't known each other long enough, that they're still in the "honeymoon" stage and haven't gotten to know they true essence of the other person, and/or that their significant other could be crazy and because you all haven't been together long enough, you haven't given it time to come out. Some would further argue that neither of you, in 4-5 months, have been able to go really "deep" with the person and find out what truly makes them who they are in such a short span. How could a marriage "stand the test of time" when the two people haven't even known each other long?

Two people meet and immediately they think, "Oh, he/she is real cool." They begin to casually date (which means, for those who don't know MY definition, that they see each other but are not mutually exclusive and are free to date others) for a few months - taking time to get to know each other and having fun. After a time period of keeping it "light," they decide that being exclusive with each other is what they both want and are now in a relationship. Though they've decide that this is what they both want, it doesn't stop them from getting to know one another. They haven't rushed to any hasty decisions but after 4 years (for the sake of Far Rock's question I had to put a few years on it), they're getting married. Some would say that they took the time to get to know each other as best they could (keeping in my that people are ever changing), see what made the other person tick and made them happy, see what the others' dreams were, etc. These two should be together forever, right?

Quick personal story: My parents knew each other for 6-8 months (as I can gather) before they were married. They were together for about 21 years, I believe. Granted, it was clear to me from an early age that they weren't a "fit" but for their own reasons, they made a way for all those years.

So what of it? In your world, is it conceivable that a marriage can last when the couple has only been together for a few months? In your eyes, is a couple destined to be together forever because they took the time to get to know each other?

Let's discuss.

Drenna Note: I don't THINK Far Rock is getting married. He better not be keeping secrets!


Kenda said...

Great topic, Drenna!! I used to think that I'd have to be in a relationship for x amount of years prior to getting married. Then I was in a relationship for years. When it ended, I realized I had not a clue who I was in love with. I think when you meet the one designed for you, you'll know it. Love has no time table. If I met a guy, we connected instantly & I was in love, I'd marry him whenever he asked. Quality trumps quantity in my book.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I don't think the amount of time you spend with a person determines anything. Every successful relationship I know of has 1 thing in common and that is the WILL to make it work and to love the other person even during the times when they dislike the person. Both long and short relationships fail because one or both parties in the relationship let it fail.

80'sbaby4life said...

Damn this is an excellent post. I was in that 5yr range of a relationship that didnt work out. Shit happens lol. I believe you know if you have a future with a particular person rather quickly, we allow society control whats considered "rational" thinking.

TheMochaPeach said...

I knew my ex husband about 3-4 years before we got married..lasted 2.5 years. My friend, on the other hand, married a dude after 7 months, still married..been married 5 years and happy.

It's a crap shoot! LOL

Redbonegirl97 said...

I know a few people that knew their loves for only a few months and got married and they are still together to this day. Yes I do know some that have crashed and burned but I know some relationships where people dated for years and when they got married it didn't last long at all. I know some that divorced or separated days after they were married. For me you never truly know anyone, no matter how long you date or how many questions you ask. You just have to take a leap of faith hoping that your love for that person can get you through.

Peace, Love and Chocolate