Monday, April 26, 2010

Check, Check and CHECK!

So, three weeks ago, VH1 premiered, "What Chilli Wants" which follows the "new" dating life of TLC's Chilli. She has a list of what she WANTS in a man and based on the introduction of the show, she isn't willing to compromise much. What's on the list? Here are a few things:
  • He must be FINE (in the South, "fine" is a definition for a cute face AND a great body);
  • He can't be too young;
  • He has to be spiritual;
  • He can't eat pork;
  • He can't drink or smoke;
  • He has to be sensitive and caring and finally;
  • He must be PACKING (for those who want to act like they don't know - he has to have a big penis
Hmmmm. After the first episode premiered a couple of weeks ago, people (primarily women) were in a complete uproar saying that her list was completely unreasonable and its no wonder she can't find a man. That her list was impossible and she's asking for too much. Her friends on the show and dating coach, Tionna, believe the same thing. The intro of the show includes Chilli stating that she's not willing to compromise. Okay, girl - NO compromise? Last time I checked in on "girl talk," a man with a big penis does not equate to knowing what to do with it. I don't know that Tiny Tim could hit it just right either but I think my point is made. No pork? Ehh, I don't eat it either but I'm not mad at someone who does. She rations that here by saying, "I’m very healthy. I’m into eating right and there are just some things to me, when you talk about eating right, you shouldn't eat." Ummm, alright. So with these thoughts in mind, I think that those "Requirements" might be a little far-fetched.

I wondered why people were so "mad" about this list. Women and men, to my knowledge, generally have always had standards that they've tried to keep when they feel they've reached a certain level where they believe they're deserving of a certain type of person. I don't know anyone who has NEVER had a list in mind of the person they wanted or, more importantly, a person they needed. Sure, those things are usually more about the QUALITY of the person but notwithstanding the same, they had a list. I've always had a list in mind and while I've definitely compromised on the outer appearance (my tall, football build preference has been known to change from time to time but I do try to stick hard to the "tall" part), its actually helped in knowing what I need and don't need from a man. I don't neither need nor want perfection and the more important things on that list are more of an internal thing within a man's being. Now will Chilli, any woman, any man, or myself get everything on that list? That remains to be seen. Just because you have an idea of what you think you want, what you really need may come in a different package altogether. But a list? Hmmm, yeah I get it.

I'm a strong believer that if you can provide something, you should be able to ask for it in return. So if Chilli can manage to be everything on her list (minus "PACKING," which then should equate to her being a straight up freak), is it asking too much for her to receive it in return?

What's wrong with a list? Let's Talk.

Note: I saw the second episode and I was kind of turned off by her behavior with Dolvett. The idea of her having a list almost didn't make sense because she halfway didn't apply it. My blog "argument" still stands though.


Kenda said...

There is nothing wrong with having standards. Lists are a great thing. My list @ 20 differs greatly from my list @ 30. You grow & mature & realize what's truly important to you when searching for your soulmate. ITA that just cause a man has a big dick does not mean that he knows what to do with it..lmao! My problem with Chili's list is the fact that she isn't wiling to compromise. If chick was all that, wouldn't she be married by now?!? It's clear to me that she's digging on Floyd & that's what she wants. End show I think I've just about had it with reality tv. When will it end? Will we ever get real sitcoms back with actual actors? #wishingonastar

LuckyGirl said...

It's not the list that is the problem for me. The problem is the unreasonable expectations with no compromise. It's as if Chili expects her version of perfection when she is obviously flawed herself. There is nothing wrong with having a list. People make a list before buying a major appliances so why not for a life partner? But when you spend so much time on the list and staying between the lines that you forget we are all flawed in some way? No good.

Lynn Holiday said...

I only have a problem with the no pork thing. That's just stupid. You'll totally write a guy off because he eats a certain kind of food?

TheMochaPeach said...

Her attitude toward Dolvett (who was in Essence magazine too as an eligble bachelor) was atrocious! I was like..come on now CHilli! I think she is too hard on men without REALIZING that she may LOOK YOUNG but aint. LMAO! Time's a waistin'. (Yet..I still watch the show. I want Tionna to put her in her damn place!)

And aside from her baby hair being slicked down to high hell...I'm over her and her list. Nothing wrong with having things you desire in a partner..but I also want some wiggle room. What if they had told her "She has to be taller than 4 feet..light skinned...." She'd have been devistated. *smh* We gotta be open to possibilities. That list is going to be her relationship noose that's gonna kill it before it begins.

Redbonegirl97 said...

I think that everyone was in such an unroar because of all the reports of black women not being able to married came out before this. This tv show just continued to fuel the fire and create more chatter about this subject. Like you said we all have our lists and there are probably superficial things on everyones list. I find Chili's show just another way to feed into black myths and stereotypes.

Peace, Love and Chocolate

Gyanni said...

I don't think it's that big a deal. It's obvious she's crazy, and she has a crazy list. If HER expectations are unrealistic, that's her problem. Because in the reality of it all, someone could fake that funk in the beginning. He meets all those qualifications & one day you're driving down the street & see him posted up a pig roast w/ grease running down his chin picking his teeth. What if that's 6 months into the relationship, or 2 years? Chili's GOING to compromise, whether she thinks she is or not. Either that, or she's just created that list so she has a reason for being alone.

The nuances of everyone's personality makes that list unreasonable. One day, you're going to look at that beautiful, non-pork eating man & right after he's said something completely uncaring, spiritual and insensitive & for 2.5 seconds he could be the ugliest person you've ever met. It happens to all of us. What are you going to do then?