Monday, December 21, 2009

The Ties That Bind

When I started talking to my first boyfriend, he almost immediately wanted me to meet his aunt (she raised him form a young age after his mom passed). He said I was cool, he was "in love" with me (it's quoted because we were only three weeks in), and that he knew she would like me. I wasn't too excited about because I figured, even at only 20, that meeting parents/guardians was a really big deal. I introduced my parents to my "friend" when I was 18 but that was only because my mother INSISTED; I, on the other hand, was embarrassed that she forced me to do it. Anyway, I met his aunt, she LOVED me, told me I had a good head on my shoulders and thought I'd be really good for her nephew. That relationship lasted throughout the summer. I was good for him but he was NOT good for me.

As I've gotten older, no one has met my mom...because I haven't been in a serious relationship so I don't see the need to introduce her to someone I'm just kickin it with. But when I do, I'm doing it because he is the man I really like and am really serious with. I never thought about, "What if my mom doesn't like him" and how I would react if she didn't. A few weeks ago, a co-worker of mine mentioned that a guy she's dating met her parents and they liked him - which was a good thing because if they didn't, that would have been a dealbreaker. I wasn't shocked because I've known a couple of people in the past who feel the same way but I still responded with, "REALLY??" She said yes and the reason is because she's really close with her family and if they don't like the guy she's with, that would put her in an awkward position about when she would come around and she probably couldn't bring him with her.

Interesting. My mom and I talked about this before because I was telling her a girl I knew was considering ending her "thing" (can't remember if they were just dating or if they were serious) because her parents weren't really checking for him. My mom said, "Well, I know I don't have to worry about you and the idea of you discontinuing dating somebody just because I don't like him. That won't happen." She knows me well. Now, I would definitely find out what it is she doesn't like about him and file it away because quite frankly, we don't often see certain things in our relationships that others can because...hell, we're IN the relationship. But I would not immediately tell the man "Listen lil homie, it's juuuuuust not gonna work" based off what my mom says (unless she has some incriminating, without a shadow of a doubt evidence against him) about him. In my mind, no person is good enough for a parent's child and if they feel so strongly about it, they'll come up with anything to make sure it goes sour.

So, about these family ties - what say you? Can your parents (or guardians - whoever has been that influence to you) not liking who you date affect that relationship?

Let's discuss.


Blue said...

While i'd love to say it wldnt I know it wld my family is very important to me and I've been blessed w a very unbiased family.... Things they generally notice and don't like are major character flaws that I had also noticed but assumed they were subtle...if an outsider can see them they aren't that subtle...

If it was something minor then it def wldnt be adeal breaker but so far mom has been 2 for 2....they've been excessively controlling idiots!

Organized Chaos said...

I agree with family (and my friends who are close to me like family) tends to see what I can not see. The track record for them being correct about the losers is them 3, losers 0 lol. If they say the dude is cool, nice, good for me, etc, it is usually the truth. If they say the dude is a dud, a scrub, got emotional issues, shouldn't be trusted as far as I can throw him, that is also usually on point. I wouldn't say that they are the judge and jury, but, they do have a big influence on who I stay with and who I keep away from.

Kenda said...

I am very close to my fam. But, I am also my own woman. I'm pretty sure that the fam would support me in any relationship I pursue. I don't bring guys around that I'm just dealing with casually. That's a major no-no. As much as I hate to admit it, my Mom has always been on point when it came to weeding out the bad seeds. If I was feeling the guy, I would def stay with him. And, if or when it ended, it would be my choice or his.