Saturday, October 24, 2009

His Heart

So, I'm on Ghostface Killah's "Ghostdini the Wizard of Poetry in Emerald City" album - its been in consistent rotation for weeks now. Most know Ghost as one of the shoot em up bang bang members of Wu-Tang who, every now and then, can drop one of those very Carl Thomas-y (read: emotional) songs that the ladies will love and the guys will respect. His current album goes through a range of emotions from how he feels losing the woman he loves, believing he's found love at first sight, his rage at a cheating woman, and the list goes on and on. Anyway, listening to the album makes me think: Is he representing all men?

"...Any other day, I would of just let you, pass me by
Cuz I see you got situations
And I've got mine, but baby its OK
It's alright, I'm not gonna let you pass me by
Cuz this was love at first sight
Cuz this was love at first sight
It's OK... - "Paragraphes of Love" (chorus) Ghostface feat. Vaughn Anthony and Estelle

Now I certainly am not naive enough to believe that men do not have emotions and feelings and thoughts that can be just as deep as the women's thoughts and feelings. But of course, we don't often hear about it because "society" has made us believe that men shouldn't be able to express themselves and that results in them generally closing themselves up and leaving us to try and figure out what's going on in their heads. Lack of communication has often been a huge part of the reason couples cannot work our their differences and ultimately break up. Often times, the men are "blank stared" or even worse, laughed at when they do express themselves (even if it takes them an hour to get the words out). It's kind of like a Catch 22.

Case in point.

I was on the phone with, who was then and I'm not sure about now, a friend that I haven't seen in about a month. As we played catch up, he comes out and says "I miss you. I want to be around you because you're just so cool and sweet. I'm so glad we re-connected." He went on and on but I'll spare you all from that. Anyway, I kind of just looked at the phone and while I didn't laugh at him, I was saying to myself, "Oh yeah? Is this dude serious right now?" I'm not completely sure if I blank stared the phone because I can't imagine a guy saying stuff like this (he's over 30 so he should be at least a little comfortable with certain words) or if it was because it was HIM and with him, you're not sure if he's for real or trying to drop some game. I responded by telling him that I thought he was real cool and nice too and that it was fun chilling out with him. Said man and I still haven't seen each other and I haven't spoken to him on the phone since that day but that's beside the point. It kind of went along with my thoughts of: Do we really belittle a man's feelings and emotions? Do we truly believe that they could never be honest enough with themselves and us long enough to be expressive?

"...I appreciate your concern and support for me
Most important, your honesty and trust, your heart's incredible
This the truth spilling out of my guts
If I, would of took the chance to see
What was place right in front of my face
For sure, nine out of ten times
My actions wouldn't allow me to be so naive..."- "Do Over" by Ghostface and Raheem DeVaughn

Obviously, this is a man who may not have a chance in HELL of getting back with his woman. But the question is: in the general sense, do you believe a man can speak like this or do you laugh right from the jump?

Let's talk.

*Miss BB Note: If this were a Music Snob post, I'd tell you to go pick up this new Ghostface album - men and women will enjoy it!


K*Mack said...

Nice topic. Me personally, bc of my own f*cked up experiences..I don't really believe that men have emotions and/or feelings. I'd like to believe a perfect world..but I just do not.

I laugh from jump when I hear shit like this come from a dudes mouth. I've actually learned to laugh silently as to not offend anyone but I just don't believe it. The words "I miss you" crack me up bc I feel like..OK..what do you want? Or "I wanna see you". I have a bad reaction to them bc I feel like yea dude wants some sex. And bc I don't trust at ALL...I have a hard time with it and just don't deal. It turns me off. I have yet to come across a dude who is in touch with himself to speak like so and don't really have much faith in that.

N.O. LADI said...

I think alot of us are disillusioned with the thought of a guy actually being 100 with his feelings. I know I've been caught up with a guy who ran nothing but game. I was also very skeptical of the next dude who happened to be truly sincere. I take everything with a grain of salt. I know there are men who can say what they feel and be authentic about it. I try very hard to not be a cynic and keep my eyes open to truly see the goodness in a person. When you've been hurt, its hard to trust and believe in anything or anyone again. But, I know that everything I've experience (good, bad, or indifferent) is preparing me to face the next day, next situation, next relationship. Some men do come off as if they are spitting the same script to every chick in the world. Those I do giggle @...even if only in my head :) But, I think I'm open enough to believe that the right one will say the right things and mean it.

LovinMe4Me said...




I will admit past resentment for certain dudes do play a part in this but I too take what a dude says to me with a grain of salt. My issue is if a man tells me how he feels and how much he cares and blah, blah, yeah that sounds great, but if his actions are saying another the opposite, then that man needs to HUSH!! So until they prove it what they say (that is whenever they get around to actually saying it) I will smile externally but internally, I'm saying sure you do homie with my lips twisted to side.


PS - Not to sound like a bitter chica, but I do believe there are some genuine brothers out there who do express themselves in their words and actions ( I just haven’t met him yet)

wynsters the tigress said...

of course, it depends on the man. if this is someone that is a really good friend, then yes, i would believe it. but it's hard to hear stuff like that from someone who you don't know well, or someone who you're in the beginning stages of a relationship/friendship with.