Saturday, November 22, 2008

Got a Who? Gotta Get a WHAAAAAT??



The last time I want a real "tough, straight HOOD dude" or "ruffneck," I was probably 17. Back then, these Brooklyn dudes had that swagger (I don't think I was using that word then - probably just said "style") that ALL the girls loves...young and old. They were the hang on the corner type dudes that were there no matter what time you passed by. The ones that screamed "Yo Shorty" or did the "psst psst psst" when they saw a girl they wanted to holla at.

But they were, a lot of times, also the ones who sold weed (or worse) on that same corner. They were the ones, even if they were just teenagers, also getting locked up at a retarded rate. Hell, they were the reason why the neighborhood wasn't as safe as it could be. They'd rather just hang on the block rather than go to school or get a real job - trying to have that fast money. Without hesitation, I can say that even though I never dated any of these guys (and I was a LATE bloomer so I never had sex with any of them), the idea of what they represented was a major plus for me.

But, it wasn't long after I got to college that I realized that those guys really weren't for me. As I grew older, I realized that the guy I needed was a nice who "was no punk." That kind of guy suited me well and I met many as I went through my college years and beyond. I mean, that one thing about the men I am attracted to has not changed since I was about 18.

So, the discussion came up at work about men who've been to prison and "Chief" asked me if I would ever date a dude who's been to prison. My answer, without hesitation, was "Absolutely Not." He went on to ask why and how come I won't "give a brother a chance" just because he was down on his luck. He also said that its harder for a black man to avoid that kind of situation. I told him that I wouldn't date a man who's been to prison because there's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with that, not to mention it will be tremendously harder to get a job. Chief and another co-worker looked at me and my co-worker who was in agreement like we were crazy. He said that we were "tough." I mean really though, I've never been to prison and so I don't want a man who has been there either. Sorry but even if you were a man like Charles S. Dutton who has maintained a wildly successful career after spending nearly 10 years in prison for killing a man in a street fight, I still wouldn't date you. Call it what you want but I call it my right to choose.

So, I wonder what makes a woman, a GROWN ASS WOMAN, want to date a ruffneck? If you got your shit together and not living a boring life at the same time, why the hell do you want a drug dealer or something along those lines? I mean, do people ever grow out of that "I want a thug phase?" Seriously. I'm really confused as I think about this so a little help would be appreciated.

Oh, if you think this post is judgmental...that's fine. I don't make apologies for certain thoughts I have. Oh well and oh well!

1 comment:

N.O. LADI said...

Yeah, *raises right hand* I am guilty as sin on this one. I was all about a ruffneck when I was in HS. But, thank God, I grew up, matured and moved on. That is not the life for a chick like me. That was the mentality of a young chick. Girl, I am damn near thirty! I am not trying to play house with a street cat. nope, not I!!! If you are lucky, with age comes maturity.