Saturday, December 1, 2012

Brotherly Love

I'm not the best sister in the world.  There's no excuse for it and  there's nothing else I can really say besides telling me truth. While I have an older sister, we didn't grow up together at all and never spent any time together so most of my sibling energy went to my brother who's six years younger than me.  We have very different personalities and always have so we kind of grew up as "only" children, with him doing his thing and me doing mine. As we've grown up, he's moved a few hours away and has a family to take care of; I don't call like I should and rarely ever visit. Most of the things I know about him comes from the middle man - our mother.

It bothers both of us that we aren't closer but because he's the more emotional one, it gets to him more than me.  I "try" to work on it but could do better and yet, he doesn't seem to hold it against me.  I get caught in my own world of "nothingness," being fully aware that his life is five times as stressful as mine but I don't even call once a week to give him that "sibling time."  We don't have to be best friends - I don't even think either of us wants that. What he needs, and what I've seem to "refuse" to give, is just a little more of me. I'm genuinely open when we talk but there's just not a lot to say. I don't dig deeper because I often don't feel like dealing with the push back he'll give even though I know he secretly likes that.  It's just become our semi-connected but not really way of doing things.

We press on and move about our lives knowing that the love never changes even if we hardly talk.  He doesn't judge me for being protective from a distance and loving in my own way. Maybe we'll get better and maybe we won't but for all that we are...I thank him.

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